7 psychological techniques to overcome anxious attachment

Psychological techniques to overcome anxious attachment aim to guide you in building more secure relationships. Also more satisfying and happy, given that any connection that stems from that fear of abandonment results in situations of great emotional exhaustion, such as dependency, jealousy, emotional insecurity, excessive complacency, etc.

Although there are psychological therapies focused on attachment processes, it is possible that you yourself begin this work of healing and reformulating this dimension. The first step is to become aware of the impact that this form of interaction has on your life. The second, that you commit to carrying out the strategies that we detail in this reading.

What is anxious attachment?

Anxious attachment defines the worry you may experience about others not meeting your needs. of intimacy, validation and closeness. This category is one of the four that define attachment theory, introduced by the English psychoanalyst John Bowlby and later improved by Mary Ainsworth.

It is important to take into account the importance that attachment has in building our relationships. Is an element that is built in our childhood and that, later, will structure our interactions and what we expect from others.

In this way, if our caregivers guaranteed our safety, attended to our emotions, needs and quenched our fears, we will have numerous advantages. The most important thing will be to build more secure, mature and happy bonds.

The way our parents were connected in our childhood has a direct impact on the way we relate to others in adulthood.

Now, if a parenting figure fails in any of these elements, suffering appears, both in childhood and in adulthood. Anxious attachment is one of the causes that most often breaks the bonds of a couple. Let’s address this feature a little more.

How does it manifest?

In a work published by the journal Development and Psychopathology, it is proposed the need to investigate and delve deeper into this area of ​​human development and relational psychology. After all, Childhood attachment patterns often define the adult you are now. And this is a nuclear element for your well-being.

Therefore, it is interesting to understand this type of attachment that is often seen in clinical practice: anxious attachment. Below, we list some of its main features:

Impulsiveness. Fear of abandonment. Emotional ups and downs. Need for validation. Jealousy and fear of betrayal. Insecurity and low self-esteem. Intolerance of uncertainty. Need for constant contact. Fear of disappointing others. Persistent worry about whether we are loved. Relationships based on emotional dependence. Obsession with pleasing partners, friends, etc. Fear of trusting others for fear of getting hurt. Feeling of anxiety and constant anguish in relationships.

Anxious attachment is usually the consequence of having parents who raised us with a lack of warmth and who were very unequal when it came to attending to our emotional needs.

How does anxious attachment differ from insecure attachment?

It is quite common to confuse anxious attachment with insecure attachment, since there are elements that often intersect with each other. What’s more, as indicated in research published by the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, Both relational patterns often lead to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety.

So that you can better understand the differences between the two, you should keep the following information in mind:

In anxious attachment there is a constant need for closeness. The person with insecure attachment may appear cold and distant in relationships. Insecure attachment manifests itself in more ways: through avoidance or disorganization. Anxious attachment shows a single behavioral line: the need for validation and intimacy. The person with an insecure pattern avoids intimacy, is more independent and may have more hostile behaviors.

Correlation of anxious attachment with mental health problems

At some point, you may have wondered if having an anxious attachment profile increases your risk of psychological problems. The answer is yes, there is a predisposition, but it is not a cause-effect. In fact, science has set its sights on this area and we already have studies that address the role of attachment in psychopathology.

An example of this is a work published by World Psychiatrywhich indicates that, for example, A poor bond between our parents in our childhood makes us less resilient and does not allow us to develop tools to deal with stress. Therefore, when it comes to anxious attachment, the associated problems that we frequently see are the following:

There is a greater risk of suffering from depression. Many alterations in attachment have their origin in childhood trauma. People with this attachment pattern may show generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

Psychological techniques to overcome anxious attachment

At this point, it is likely that you identify with many of the points mentioned so far. If so, your goal should be to develop a more secure, mature, and satisfying bonding style. It will be helpful for you to know that There are suitable strategies to change this relational dynamic, which will impact many areas of your life.

Next, point out the psychological techniques to overcome anxious attachment, which are basic and effective.

1. Awareness: analysis and recording

Although you are aware that anxious attachment is a dimension that defines you, You need to understand how you apply this behavioral pattern. You must understand the processes and the cost of this type of dynamic. To do this, we propose the following:

Write in a notebook the most important relationships you have right now. Describe how you feel in these relationships. List those actions that you carry out with others that end up hurting you. Reflect on whether many of your dynamics and needs are the cause of your discomfort.

2. Investigate your fears and work on them

One of the psychological techniques to overcome anxious attachment is to work on your fears. It is an exercise in self-discovery that can allow you to heal many wounds, needs and neglected psychological realities. To do this, keep these steps in mind:

List everything that scares you in your relationships: being left, not being loved, disappointing, etc. Have these fears been present in all your relationships? What could be the origin of those fears? How do they make you feel? those fears? Do you think they are rational or irrational? Could you do something to change that invalidating emotion? List what actions you could take to lose those fears.

To go from an anxious attachment to a secure attachment, you need to work on your self-esteem, personal security, and learn to better regulate your emotions.

3. Work on your self-esteem

To go from an anxious attachment to a secure attachment, it is crucial that you work on that sensational psychological muscle that is self-esteem. To achieve this purpose, focus on the following:

List your strengths, what you are good at. Set simple goals and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Get involved in activities that reinforce your self-efficacy and self-image. Detect those people who destroy your self-esteem and establish distance. Become aware of those beliefs irrational things about yourself that hurt you. Practice self-compassion, remember that you don’t need the love of others to be someone valid.

4. Enhance your independence and personal security

Among the psychological techniques to overcome anxious attachment, the development of independence cannot be missing. As you well know, this type of connection causes you to end up in very dependent relationships, those in which you end up diluting yourself in your partner, friends, family, etc. It is time to break that scheme, for which you can put into practice what we are going to detail:

Learn to be alone. Take charge of your well-being, practice self-care. Think about new future projects and work on them alone. Take trips without company and enjoy yourself by discovering new scenarios. Get started in problem-solving techniques. problems not to depend on others.

5. Emotional regulation

Are you tired of suffering anguish, of anxiety orbiting all your relationships and situations? Learning emotional regulation techniques will allow greater control of your life and, in addition, you will gain mental well-being. Take note of some keys:

Practice the mindfulness.Work on self-control and impulsivity.Learn relaxation and breathing techniques.Detect those situations that generate greater anxiety and the negative thoughts that feed it.Filter those situations rationally and not through emotions.

6. Choose well who you let into your life

Having an anxious attachment can lead to very harmful relationships, which leave a traumatic mark. It is possible that narcissistic, controlling and possessive people have come into your life. For a while, this form of “protection” made you feel good, but later you realized that it was actually dominance and even aggression.

All those experiences gave you a feel; Take advantage of your experience. If you want to develop a secure attachment, don’t look for love just to have someone by your side. and avoid loneliness. Sometimes, being alone is preferable to bad company, so be very selective when choosing who enters your heart, whether it is a partner or a friend.

7. Heal your childhood wounds

Another psychological technique to overcome anxious attachment is to attend to your past. Behind the most dysfunctional attachment patterns there are usually many childhood traumas and wounds caused by our caregivers. In this case, it will be helpful for you to go to psychological therapy.

If you are wondering about the existing models in this type of psychotherapy, you will be interested to know that there have been significant advances. In fact, in research published by Research in Psychotherapy, some of these new strategies are exposed, such as the attachment coding system.

Psychological techniques to overcome anxious attachment can change your life

Each of the strategies described may seem somewhat complex to you. In this sense, it should be noted that overcoming anxious attachment is a long and not so simple task. You will not achieve it in a week or a month, since doing so requires time, commitment and dedication.

However, the most important thing is that you already know the cost of this type of connection and, now, You just need to move forward, heal those gaps and reach fullness as a person. to build healthier relationships. With the right determination you will achieve it.

I could…