7 keys to stop feeling guilty after a mistake

When you make a mistake, an oversight, a highly unfortunate mistake, there is no shortage of people who tell you that. “Don’t worry, you learn from everything!” It is true, all experience is vital baggage. However, how to deal with the discomfort that arises from these situations? How to stop feeling guilty after a mistake?

The feeling of guilt plays an important role in social regulation. It forces us to experience a set of unpleasant sensations to encourage introspection and, subsequently, change. That is, this emotional reality forces us to improve our behavior to safeguard social, ethical and even moral principles.

Thus, although we conceive guilt as a psychological reality of negative valence, feeling it is a necessary experience. It makes us human. It makes us empathetic people. A person with a psychopathic or narcissistic profile, for example, will not feel the weight of guilt in their harmful treatment of others. Now, there is an obvious problem with the guilt dimension.

We often spend too much time with it. Negative dialogue tends to feed her power, to reinforce the suffering and the persistent gnawing of memory for that incident, for that particular mistake. What can we do in these circumstances? We analyze it.

How to stop feeling guilty after a mistake

Guilt is that emotion that aims to maintain social harmony by motivating reparation. However, there is an interesting fact about it. On the one hand, there is the guilt that we may feel when causing specific harm to third parties. However, There is also that destructive feeling that arises when one blames oneself for irrational things.

Something we know well from the field of psychology is that highly demanding people often drift into these mental scenarios. Discomfort, emotional blockage, psychological exhaustion… Those who are trapped in this prison of insidious thoughts run the risk of leading to anxiety disorders and even depressive states.

In this way, research works such as those carried out at the University of Lancaster and the University of Kent in the United Kingdom highlight something interesting. The weight of guilt, whether it is experimentally induced for research or whether it is real, is experienced in the same way. The brain suffers.

Negative affect towards oneself is experienced, there is regret and future planning. That is to say, who most and who least says that about “well next time I won’t do this or I’ll do that.”

We already know what this mental and emotional process consists of. However, if we are going through this same thing, How to stop feeling guilty after a mistake? We analyze it.

1. Everything you feel is within the normal range

Knowing that guilt is a very common experience may not provide much relief. However, it prompts us to understand its emotional function. It is important not to experience this as something exceptional or dramatic.

Feelings of guilt are permissible and necessary. If you experience them, accept that experience and understand that they have a specific purpose: to motivate you to act in a restorative way..

2. Those feelings of guilt: are they real or irrational?

To stop feeling guilty after a mistake It is important that you reflect on what happened. Does it start from something concrete and objective? An example of this is having betrayed someone’s trust. In these cases it is common to feel bad about ourselves.

However, there is a very common fact: We often feel guilty about realities that don’t make much sense. For example, feeling guilty for not being as productive, brilliant or perfect as we want. Guilty for not reaching everyone, for not solving other people’s problems and always giving them the best.

Therefore, we must reflect on whether what you experience is unhealthy guilt or rational guilt. That is, you may be reinforcing negative feelings towards yourself in the face of realities that are not entirely logical. Don’t devalue yourself, don’t be so demanding of yourself or you will feed the shadow of an unhealthy guilt.

3. If it can be resolved, do it: repair it as soon as possible. If not possible, accept

In the face of an error, an oversight, a bad word or a disrespectful action, there is only one response: reparation. Prosocial behavior is exercised through forgiveness and the search to heal what has been damaged., as it soothes and improves relationships. If you still have time, act.

Now, sometimes, repair is not possible and, in these cases, we can only accept what happened. Also reflect on our behavior and draw conclusions for the future.

4. Avoid thinking based on absolutes: good-bad/black-white

Another key to stopping feeling guilty after a mistake is to avoid thinking in absolute terms of all or nothing. Is the world going to end for not being the perfect mother or father? Do you have an obligation to always be a model and ideal employee? Of course not.

Allow yourself to fail, accept yourself when you make a mistake, because that small notch on a specific day does not imply “being bad or fallible.” Life is full of gray tones and this is the most normal thing in the world.

5. Self-compassion to stop feeling guilty after a mistake

What would human beings be without their mistakes? We probably wouldn’t have gotten to where we are without every mistake, without every mistake. or disappointment generated to others. However, keep in mind: you have every right to have your own backpack of negative experiences. Everything sculpts, everything chisels your personality and allows you to acquire new vital skills.

Treat yourself with self-compassion, be kind to yourself. Accept your vulnerability and speak to yourself lovingly.

6. Reflect on whether, perhaps, underneath the guilt there are other emotions

There are those who travel through the journey of life with the constant shadow of feelings of guilt. He blames many for failing, for not achieving certain things. Also for not being what others thought or oneself aspired to. However, Beneath that rust that guilt leaves as a patina, other realities may exist.

Sadness, anger or resentment are also reinforcers of this emotion. Therefore, it is important to break down each emotion felt and ask ourselves the reason why it is there.

7. Appreciate all the good things you have done to stop feeling guilty after a mistake

You are much more than each mistake made. You are your achievements, the people you love and those who love you. If you look in the rearview mirror of your life, you will discover how many remarkable things you have done. There are your achievements, there is everything done with kindness and affection for others.

Also, keep in mind that you wouldn’t have gotten to where you are without making more than one mistake. So to stop feeling guilty after a specific mistake, look back and then forward. Back to remember everything achieved. Forward to advance with greater poise, temperance and intelligence.

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