7 examples of aggressive communication in a couple

We could give multiple examples of aggressive communication in a couple.. However, there is an obvious fact and that is that all typologies hurt, belittle, undervalue and destroy the psychological balance of one member of the relationship over the other. Thus, our studies, our age or previous experience do not matter: all of us, at some point, can be susceptible to these harmful dynamics.

The existentialist psychologist and psychotherapist Rollo May said that Communication must always guide us towards understanding, intimacy and appreciation of the other.. In fact, knowing how to communicate in few areas and scenarios is as relevant as in an emotional bond. The well-being, happiness and future projection between two people depends largely on that pillar.

Let’s admit it, not everyone is competent in this field. Because knowing how to communicate does not just mean being effective when transmitting a message. Correct communication is one that knows how to control emotions and expresses itself assertively. to obtain a goal: to reach the other from respect.

What is aggressive communication like?

Aggressive communication basically consists of using an egocentric attitude that does not respect the thoughts, feelings and rights of the other person.. We could describe it as that style of one-way interaction in which only what one says, what one thinks, matters. Thus, it is not difficult to deduce that behind this typology there is a violent personality.

These would be the basic characteristics of this profile:

They are people who only take into account their own needs.Its objective is for the couple to accept and give in to their wishes.objectives and perspectives. They are belligerent, they do not hesitate to humiliate and violate the rights of others. Likewise, it is important to highlight that They are explosive and unpredictable personalities. You never know when they will explode with an aggressive comment. They belittle every thought, decision or comment of the other.

On the other hand, We must emphasize that aggressive communication can be verbal and non-verbal. That is, in addition to the message or words addressed to the couple, there is also the gesture, the finger that points and threatens, the closeness that invades personal space, etc.

Examples of aggressive communication in a couple

We pointed out at the beginning: it is very easy to fall into an abusive relationship in which violent communication is a constant. This is explained above all by the helplessness that many of the victims feel. One of the features of this type of dynamics is that communicative aggressiveness is unpredictable. The couple is surprised, embarrassed, no one expects that attack of contempt, sarcasm or sudden insult.

Little by little, the victim ends up minimizing this type of communication, normalizing it because their self-esteem is low and because their identity is completely subordinated to the other. Let’s get to know, therefore, a few examples of aggressive communication in a couple.

1. You are useless, I’d better do it

This phrase degrades the other. In this way, the aggressive person assumes power by despising the other. The most complex thing is that many times the “you are of no use”It is usually expressed through that affectionate and half-joking tone that can seem innocuous.

Expressions like “Oh honey, I don’t know what you would do without me.” They are harmful similes cloaked in false kindness.

2. You always, you never (…)

Speaking in absolute terms is a form of violent communication that we often overlook. It is important to keep it in mind.

Phrases like “You never do this or that, you are always like this or you make mistakes, etc.” It is an insidious way of doing harm. Daniel Goleman tells us in his book Emotional Intelligence the danger of using this resource. Taking the particular and transforming it into something general is an attack on the other person.

3. It’s all your fault

Among the examples of aggressive communication in the couple, the projection of guilt cannot be missed.. Leaving the weight of everything that happens, your own discomfort, your own frustrations and the most insignificant problems on other people’s shoulders is a clear form of violence.

4. You only talk nonsense

One of the objectives of every aggressive and manipulative person is to emotionally and psychologically nullify the other. It is important to detect it, because this desire, that of belittling to lower the self-esteem of others, can make use of multiple mechanisms, resources, expressions, phrases and sophisticated comments.

Likewise, it is important to highlight something. Studies such as the one carried out at Loyola University of Chicago indicate that aggressive and This form of contempt appears equally in both sexes.

5. You act just like your mother, father, like my previous partner (comparison)

Comparison is another of the most classic examples of aggressive communication between couples.. However, these types of expressions and messages often pass the filter of normality. We hear them frequently and we don’t always react.

The fact that they tell us things like “You act like your mother, you’re just as exaggerated” or “In the end you’re all the same, you’re just as carefree as my previous boyfriend.” These are comments that we do not always identify as aggressive communication.

6. You should make yourself see that, “you are not right in the head”

This comment is also everything a classic in the repertoire of violent and manipulative communication. We can define it by the term “gaslight”That is, making the other believe that they have a mental problem, that their worries are not normal, that they exaggerate everything, that they are losing control…

This type of disqualification is a form of abuse and manipulation of the other’s perception of reality.

7. Examples of aggressive communication in a couple: here you do what I say

“What you think doesn’t matter, because I’m in charge in this house.”. This is another of the most forceful and clearly violent examples of aggressive communication between couples. The imposition of one’s own point of view, the need to trample on the couple’s rights to make one’s own clear is a form of absolute violation.

In conclusion, it should be noted that there are many more examples of violent communication. However, the most decisive thing in all of this is to recognize them and react. Aggressive language damages, destroys and distorts the authentic meaning of affection in a relationship. Knowing how to love implies knowing how to use more empathetic, respectful and constructive communication..

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