6 Ways to not be manipulated by opportunistic people

“People are made for each other,” Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius once said. That is, we all give and receive something when we communicate. And this is normal, as long as the limits remain reasonable. When there is an uneven exchange, at the end of the day, the one who is always being cruelly manipulated ends up feeling drained.

O awesome.club prepared a list of tips for you not to become a victim of your friends and acquaintances who only seek to take advantage of everything, without caring at all what you feel or think.

To achieve their goals, manipulators are often offended. You feel guilty, believing that you really hurt that person’s feelings. As a result, he tries to “correct” his actions that triggered such a reaction, so he is willing to comply with all missives, conditions, and sometimes even the other’s demands, even if they are totally contrary to his interests.

What to do? If you really made a mistake, analyze: at what point exactly were your actions taken? And remedy only the consequences. For example, you accidentally pushed a coworker and he spilled coffee on the floor. Apologize and call the person responsible for cleaning the place or clean it yourself. But, that’s all… Is he also asking you to finish a complicated task assigned to him? It seems that this situation does not fit.

At first, you get countless compliments nonstop: “Oh, you’re so sociable! You have a wonderful social circle and you have an amazing job! You certainly earn a good salary. Do you drive a car too? Glad we don’t live so far apart.” As a result, your “protection threshold” has dropped dramatically. If you really are so well connected, this kind of compliment only indicates that the person wants to use and abuse your contacts with influential people. Or borrow money.

What to do? To give a compliment or not is up to each person to decide. You didn’t ask anyone to praise you. So don’t be in a hurry to accept or make promises you might regret later. Give thanks for the kind words that are addressed to you. But courageously discard requests that contradict your principles.

If you are a professional in any field (e.g. write good texts, give massages, translate from Chinese), or if you have interesting hobbies (e.g. paint pictures, compose music, work in accounting, or are a good translator), there are sure to be people who seem to want to receive the results of their work for free. If saying “no” is difficult for you, you may end up working for free and wasting all your free time in supposed “charity” works on behalf of those who are far from needy, but who we could simply consider mere profiteers. Oh, and be careful with those society proposals from people with a speech like “I don’t have the money to pay you now, but when my project gives results, you will grow with me and you will earn well”. Pure bullshit! Work has a cost and you must charge for it.

What to do? Of course, knowing that this job comes at an economic cost, the handler will immediately accuse you of trying to take advantage of the situation. Answer based on the argument that all work must be remunerated, regardless of who does it, explaining the reason for the stipulated price. Does the person keep insisting? For extreme cases, it will be better to ignore the issue and walk away.

A similar situation occurs in a friendly or romantic relationship. A friend/friend or partner of hers ignores you, or even behaves in an unseemly and offensive manner. But as soon as he decides to sever this destructive relationship, the other tries to get it back with all his strength. Which, of course, flatters your vanity. You feel that you are needed, that you control the situation. And so on, in an endless circle of self-deception.

What to do? In fact, you are not the owner of the situation. Most likely, it’s stuck with the handler. Sit down and write down all the pros and cons of this relationship. Are there other things you don’t like? Then finish based on a logical conclusion once and for all. Explain the reason clearly and calmly and don’t go back to talk about it, even with that person.

Someone comes up with a treatment in the form of “service for service” and you, finding that person very helpful, accept it. But in return, they ask for much more. For example, an event manager gets an economist friend a cheap and very affordable concert ticket. In exchange, he asks his friend to draw up a new business plan for the company he manages. Is this a coherent exchange?

What to do? Before rushing to an admiringly “yes!”, figure out what services you’ll get in return and compare what you get. Take your time to analyze and discover everything related to the proposal that the handler is trying to “sell” you.

Do the requests appear in the form of a tropical storm and even with theatrical pantomimes? Something like “Besides you, I have no one else to turn to”, “Put yourself in my shoes”, “You are my last hope”, “Otherwise I will lose myself”.

Okay, when someone asks like that, only a person with nerves of steel will resist giving in. Having received the desired, this long-suffering friend does not appear until his next “problem” appears. Realizing that the same script is repeated each time, it is best to reflect on this.

What to do? Problems that recur regularly and are resolved thanks to your help are a good sign that this person is only close to you out of interest🇧🇷 Ask yourself these two questions: Is it really important for me to communicate with her and do I really want to help her? If not, why all these inconveniences?

If they can constantly take advantage of you, that can be reflection of their low self-esteem. Once your self-confidence increases, those who want to take advantage of your resources will disappear. Find out for yourself what your strengths are, remember your merits, determine your dreams, desires and goals.

Try to deal with the situation based on facts, not emotions. You will see that you can live in a good way without submitting to unnecessary help to people who take advantage. Otherwise, you will only live the lives of others, never your own.