6 most common conflicts between mothers and daughters

Was born! It’s a girl! “She will be my best friend”, thinks the mother. But the little girl grows up and the relationship between them gets more and more difficult. A crooked word is enough for the daughter to say that she hates her mother. Or a slip from the young woman to the more experienced one, uttering the phrase: “I told you so!”, which irritates her daughter so much. Then, everything turns into a fight. She finds out what are the main conflicts that interfere in the relationship between mothers and daughters and learns five simple strategies to maintain a harmonious relationship.

1. Lack of respect

The problem: The daughter is now a teenager and wants more privacy, as well as the right to make her own choices. Consequence: The daughter realizes that she is not the owner of her nose (especially when her mother makes it clear by forcing her to obey her). And she begins to confront her mother. Lesson: Respect your daughter’s tastes, desires and way of seeing the world, even if she is not the same as your way of looking at life.

2. Emotional Blackmail

The problem: Many mothers are at a loss when they can’t control their daughters, and then they appeal, speaking of the sacrifices they’ve made for their daughters all their lives. Consequence: The daughter blames herself and the relationship becomes a mix of love and hate. Lesson: Think about everything you’ve done to be happy, with your own achievements – and not based on your daughter’s attitudes and choices.

3. Competition

The problem: The mother does not accept that her daughter is in the spotlight (due to her moment in life: youth, choice of profession, work…) and a relationship of envy is established. Consequence: The love-hate relationship intensifies and chaos ensues.Lesson: The mother should update herself (take care of her own beauty, take courses) and should not make comparisons or want to be seen as her daughter’s friend.

4. Unmatched expectations

The problem: Anxious and perfectionist mother generates an equally anxious and perfectionist daughter. Consequence: The daughter cannot accept her own mistakes and does not learn to deal with frustrations. Lesson: Do not demand that your daughter do everything the way you always dreamed of or that you did not do, but would really like to have done in the past.

5. Destructive Criticism

The problem: Critical mothers generate extremely demanding and guilty children. Consequence: If the mother tells her daughter that she is bad or stupid, the child will grow up believing that and, even as an adult, will always think so. Lesson: The mother needs to talk and show that she is capable of listening to criticism and understanding opinions that are different from her own.

6. Dispute for raising children/grandchildren

The problem: The grandmother thinks she knows everything about her grandson. And the daughter does not want to listen to her mother’s advice. Consequence: Even when the grandmother can help, the daughter refuses advice. Lesson: The daughter must impose limits on the mother, who, in turn, must only give her opinion when asked.

Steps to live a harmonious relationship

· Free yourself from guilt. Every affective relationship oscillates between love and hate. Don’t feel guilty about feeling bad things.

· Dialog. Mothers should criticize less. And daughters should take what mothers say more lightly.

· Lead by example. Lying teaches you to lie. Before complaining, the mother should always ask herself what example she is setting.

· Give more freedom. With proper guidance, mothers of teenagers can indeed let their daughters make their own choices

· Avoid jealousy. Mothers should run away from the joke that the daughter is the father’s “girlfriend”. This harms the development of the child.