5 exercises to work on emotional dependence

Emotional dependence entails a series of chain reactions, in which The main characteristic is the struggle to feel emotionally close to another person for fear of abandonment. Efforts to be close to others, avoiding the discomfort caused by non-reciprocity of feelings, can be the main source of suffering.

The symptoms caused by emotional dependence range from obsessive reactions to depressive symptoms. As a consequence, the person narrows their focus on increasing their efforts to be close to others, losing focus on other areas that are important to their life.

What is emotional dependency?

Emotional dependence is an extreme and emotional need that a person feels towards their partner. Its characteristics can be summarized in a certain submission towards the loved one, obsessive thoughts and a great fear of being abandoned by him or her.

In emotional dependence, the partner is usually idealized. Furthermore, the fear experienced in the face of abandonment, or rejection by the other, decreases as long as another person is found in whom to deposit that emotional need.

The most common indicators of dependent people are the following:

They tend to be afraid of change and the unknown. They tend to look for partners from early adolescence. The characteristics of their partners are usually similar, often choosing profiles that are more authoritarian than their own. Deficit in social skills. Desires for exclusivity in the relationship .Priority of the couple over anything.Assumption of the couple’s belief system.They turn to other people to strengthen their confidence and self-esteem.Fear of loneliness.

Emotional dependence prevents us from having freedom and being autonomous.

Insecure attachment and emotional dependence

Bowlby was one of the pioneers in the study of attachment figures in childhood (1980). For this author, Attachment consisted of the emotional bond between the child and his parents as a vehicle of security and correct emotional development.

Additionally, Bowlby studies the separation anxiety that some children presented after the withdrawal of attachment figures. According to her observations, children who had an insecure attachment style showed reactions of fear and crying after the absence of their parents.

It was concluded that, Interactions with the first attachment figures organize the system of affective needs in adulthood. In other words, as the person matures, they display the interactions that have been learned and reinforced in their childhood.

However, early experiences do not constitute a definitive sentence for the development of emotional dependence, since the individual’s experiences in adulthood are another weight to take into account.

5 exercises to work on emotional dependence

The exercises presented below do not exclude the relevance of going to a specialist. Therefore, an exhaustive exploration of each person’s individual history is essential for correct treatment. That said, some exercises are described that can help combat emotional dependence:

1. Emotional biography

Have you stopped to think about all the emotions you have experienced throughout these years? Under what circumstances? Write a diary to reflect on previous relationships can help you recognize how you have overcome past stories.

It may be that, after a breakup, you get a glimpse of how another relationship is formed shortly after. That’s when you can identify How many times have you used a relationship to avoid unpleasant sensations.

2. Who am I?

Who are you as an independent person without a partner? There are times when relationships drag on for a long time and we forget who we have been.who we are in the present and what we have learned through experience.

The other person’s preferences may have been so permeable that one forgets one’s own.: what we enjoy doing, what we like, what we don’t, what we are willing to tolerate, what are the limits we are willing others to exceed, etc.

3. Symbolic walks

There are countless activities that can be done alone, walks being one of them. These can represent an opportunity to reflect. In this case, we propose the following exercise:

Before the walk, look for stones of different weights. Once you have the stones, write with a permanent marker the names of the people to whom you dedicate the most time, with the stones being of lesser weight for the people to whom you dedicate the least. time, and vice versa with heavier stones. Put those stones in your pocket, while you walk.

Has it been difficult for you to walk with the heavier stones? What did you want to do with those stones while you were walking?

4. Self-care

One of the consequences of emotional dependence is that you give all your attention to other people, forgetting about your own needs. Self-care, such as making plans alone, exposing yourself to independence and the feelings it generates, is an essential task.

Examples of these activities could be preparing your favorite meal, taking a relaxing bath, a trip to a nearby town alone, going to psychotherapy, etc. Likewise, an element that can be helpful is a calendar where you can write down what tasks are going to be carried out throughout the week.

Practicing self-care activities is essential to begin to break the chains of emotional dependence.

5. Write letters addressed to yourself

There are people who enjoy writing and this is an activity that can have many benefits. On the one hand, You can write a letter addressed to yourself, telling his story as if he were the protagonist of the movie of his life.

Besides, You can write the limits and behaviors that you are willing to allow for the future, realizing when the barrier of self-respect is crossed.

Writing can also be replaced by other types of creative activities. For example, creating an album with music tracks that reflect emotional states, photography or artistic expression with watercolors.

You might be interested…