5 consequences of disorganized attachment

Attachment is the emotional bond that first develops, and involves the search for security and well-being. In some cases, in which the mother or primary caregiver represents a source of danger and protection for the child, we speak of disorganized attachment.

For Bowlby (1969), saying that a child is attached to someone means that he is willing to seek proximity and contact in a specific figure. This happens in certain situations, especially when he is scared, tired or sick. Going one step further, the truth is that We all need attachment bonds, which change or adapt to new roles.

“The child’s previous history is what conditions their way of feeling in the world and what they expect from them.”

-Charo Blanco-

Bowlby stated that the resilience we develop in the face of stressful events occurs in the first year of life. He assures that this resilience is influenced by the attachment pattern or the bond that individuals develop with their mother or her caregiver.

Why can children with disorganized attachment become bullies?

Type D (disorganized) attachment has been related, in its origin, to pathological environments and different forms of child abuse, physical or emotional within the family system. In this sense, victims of violent acts and physical abuse may have difficulties relating to other people, simply due to ignorance or lack of a reference relational model.

“The immediate and long-term effects that mediate the child’s mental health are the result of an experience of a warm, intimate and continuous relationship between the mother and her child through which both find satisfaction and joy.”

-Bowlby-

The probability that the anger that accompanies these children ends up being incorporated into their personality in some way is very great. This negative emotional charge makes it difficult to control your own behavior and regulate your own emotionsthus increasing the risk that they too will resort to violence.

Disproportionate punishments and mistreatment are sources of destructive messages for the victims, which they internalize at very deep levels because they come from reference people. Consequently, they have a great impact on critical areas of children’s development, harming their future social, emotional and cognitive development… while ruining childhoods.

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Below, we present the five most important consequences of disorganized attachment:

1. Distortion of self-image and low self-esteem

A child with disorganized attachment can generate a poor self-image. He may even believe that he is the cause of his parents’ lack of control, which will lead him to represent himself as a bad, inadequate or dangerous person. Consequently, the world in general seems to be an insecure and chaotic place, where there are norms and rules that escape their understanding: they are not capable of acting “rightly.”

Abused children often have feelings of inferiority, manifested in behaviors of shyness and fear.. At the same time, hyperactive behaviors may occur, trying to attract the attention of those around them in a desperate attempt to obtain reinforcements that they cannot find in natural ways.

2. Higher rate of behavioral problems

Insecure attachment types, and especially disorganized attachment, are associated with higher rates of antisocial behavior and behavioral problems. It is not uncommon for them to reproduce the relationship pattern they see at home with their peers and caregivers. They feel confusion and apprehension regarding proximity to parents, since they are not clear how or when they will respond to their needs. Besides, distrust physical contactsparticularly adults.

The main reason why the behavior of these children is disorganized is because they cannot find solutions to their problems, neither by moving away from nor approaching their primary caregivers. In fact It is called “disorganized attachment” since they fail to establish a general pattern of their affective responses: both in the manifest and in the internal ones.

3. Development of anxiety and depression disorders

Sadness, indifference or anger are the most common emotions on the faces of these little ones. To this emotional conjugation, we must also add the lack of motivation, which can lead to a depressed state of mind or self-destructive behavior in the most serious cases. Other symptoms, such as Fear, anxiety or post-traumatic stress are the natural consequence of living in a context that matters to them, but that they do not control.

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On the other hand, these children seem to have less capacity to cope with the stress associated with separation from their primary caregivers. The reason for this “inability” is related to the lack of consistent strategies that allow them to regulate negative emotions.

4. Problems with attention and concentration

Thanks to numerous studies, it is known that children with ADHD have a significant deficit in self-regulation skills (impulse control, ability to calm down, regulation of affects, perseverance, inhibition, etc.). The truth, and without leaving the topic at hand, is that the early relationship between the child and his or her primary caregivers conditions the basis for acquiring these skills. Therefore, Children with type D attachment are more vulnerable to presenting problems in the acquisition of these skills.

When talking about the loss of family members or abuse with these types of people, there are large lapses in their reasoning or speech. Experiences that are very traumatic have the potential to generate a disconnection at the brain level; That is, it is as if the two cerebral hemispheres were separated. On the one hand, the left hemisphere (the most cognitive) and on the other, the right hemisphere (the most emotional).

5. They show greater alteration of the nervous system

Sometimes, these children do not interact with their peers or caregivers. Lacking the necessary skills and reinforcements, they do not know how to respond to others in certain situations.. In fact, they have been observed to make unfinished or disoriented movements without clear direction or intention. They show immobilization, tapping with their hands or head, and the desire to escape from the situation, even in the presence of their caregivers.

Their behavior can range from passivity to nervousness.. Specifically, when an adult approaches other children, especially if they cry, they react with great disturbance. Since they are not able to predict their caregiver’s behavior, it is logical that they try to capture all the available indicators, adopting a position of hypervigilance.

“Not only the blows hurt”

-Pamela Palenciano-

Final reflection

Stories, in which the protagonists are Lack of attention, mistreatment or sexual abuse are what shape a disorganized attachment style. This bench of experiments, which is childhood, results in adults who are insecure, shy and withdrawn when it comes to interacting with others. These people realize that they have learned a way of forming and maintaining relationships that only brings them more pain; a style that, at the same time, they are incapable of modifying.

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How they stand out Gayá, Molero and Gil (2014) in your article, damage done to a child in a few months can take years of work to repair. That is why parenting requires a lot of care, patience, pampering and affection. The authors also highlight that children need positive attachment experiences to develop correct affect regulation. An aspect that the authors also highlight is that children, not being able to address their traumas, will be important for them to enjoy a safe environment at home and emotional support from their parents or caregivers.

Thus, by not finding the opportunity in his childhood to acquire a symbolic representation of his mental states in the minds of other people, his attachment pattern becomes chaotic. Even if they are able to mentalize, they are likely to carry a failure to integrate their “I” organization and their mental representations.

It is wrong to think that when children are small they do not understand what is happening around them, or that they will not remember certain moments when they grow up. The truth is Everything that happens in your upbringing has the potential to affect your near future, tomorrow.. In this sense, although on many occasions it is not what the body asks of us, from understanding we have the duty to be affectionate, understanding; to offer them security, protection and support if we want them to develop a secure attachment. Children are the future, let’s take care of them.

Bibliographic references

Gayá Ballester, C., & Molero Mañes, R., & Gil Llario, M. (2014). Attachment disorganization and developmental traumatic disorder (DDD). International Journal of Developmental and Educational Psychology, 3 (1), 375-383.

https://www.fundacioncadah.org/web/articulo/tdah-apego-importancia-de-relacion-madre-hijo.html