5 common questions from mothers of teenagers

In adolescence, children suffer from mood swings, they want to go out alone with their friends, they spend the whole day on their cell phones… And, of course, one worry or another always arises for the mothers of these young people! Check out the five most common questions about this difficult phase:

My daughter stays on her cell phone for hours, barely interacts and gets irritated when I complain. How to solve?

Pay attention to how you complain. Chances are your daughter doesn’t want to hear lectures. Nobody likes complaints, especially teenagers. I suggest that the matter be discussed with the family in a relaxed, light way. Tell her that every moment you spend together is precious and it’s a shame to waste it. A good tip is to define a period when the cell phone should be stored and turned off, such as during meals, for example.

Pâmi Garcia, relationship consultant

I have a teenage son and I think I take care of him too much. Am I suffocating this boy?

Every teenager needs to have their space respected. If you suspect you’re taking too much care of him and worry he’s feeling smothered, it’s worth reflecting on your actions. It is common for mothers to anticipate decisions on behalf of their children, fearing that they will choose the wrong path. Of course, every mother does this thinking only about the good of the young person, but this ends up preventing him from learning to think for himself and creating maturity to act independently in the future. As much as you feel insecure letting your child make certain decisions (for fear that he will do something stupid), it’s important to give freedom. No exaggeration, of course. Giving freedom, analyzing what is best for him, is trust. Before letting him out for the night, for example, explain in a friendly way the advantages and dangers of this decision. Only then will your child be able to learn what is possible to do safely – and what poses unnecessary risks.

*See too: 6 tips for not becoming an overprotective mother

Sylvia Enck, psychologist and family therapist

My son doesn’t want to study or work. What do I do?

If he just finished high school, he’s leaving adolescence to enter adulthood. Perhaps the boy finds it difficult to face this new stage. You need to talk to him to really understand the problem. It could be a question of not knowing what to choose or fear of failure, for example. If he gets uncomfortable when you bring it up, let him know that you understand his discomfort. Try to make an alliance, no sermon. Explain that everyone needs to choose a path in life, have things to do, and how to support themselves in order to be independent one day. He should be free to decide his own future, but he needs to talk to the family and see how the parents can help him make the decision. Family therapy can be a good alternative for you to assess together what is preventing you from choosing a path.

Rosa Maria Macedo, professor of psychology at PUC in São Paulo and family therapist

At what age should I talk to my child about sex?

There’s no right time. A child’s doubts about sex should be clarified naturally, as questions arise. But know: the way you talk to your child about this subject will determine the way he will treat sex in his life. For example, if you feel embarrassed or intimidated by being asked a question, it can give the impression that sex is a negative thing. And, despite being a difficult topic, parents should consider that children are curious. If the conversation is natural early on, your child will always feel free to ask questions, as he knows his parents will respond confidently.

Santuza Fernandes S. Cavalini, Professor of Psychology at Universidade Presbiteriana Mackenzie

How do I get my child to mature and become independent?

Parents must understand that a child’s growth is natural and depends a lot on the parents’ treatment. It is common for fathers and mothers who work outside the home, for example, not to spend as much time with children and young people and do everything to make up for this absence later. But parents need to accept this growth and respect when their child manages to do things alone, so that they don’t become dependent. The mother and father must provide the basis for the individual’s maturation. Once you are confident, let him go out alone, allow him to go to his friends’ houses or allow him to go out with their families. Trust, so that he becomes a reliable adult. To measure the right time to do this, talk daily and observe the child’s attitudes. When you feel that confidence, you must pass it on to your child.

Cris Poli, Specialist in child education and behavior and presenter of Supernanny, on SBT