4 ways to disarm a handler

A key element to a happier life is being surrounded by friends and acquaintances who support and influence you. Sometimes, however, we can confuse influencers with manipulators and it can be difficult to tell the difference.

It is rare to find people who will invest time and energy in something that has no potential for personal gain. As in business, we calculate ROI (return on investment) for our friends, perhaps not very clearly.

A manipulator knows how to get what he needs with little effort but at great cost to others. They find ways to circumvent the system—or you—to their advantage.

Manipulators consume a lot of time and energy, creating an environment in which the outcome can be controlled; therefore, their needs are constantly being met by others. The biggest problem with a manipulative relationship is that we often don’t even know what’s going on and allow it to continue.

Keep going down and discover 4 ways to DISARM a handler:

1. Recognize the problem

It’s no surprise that you must recognize there’s a problem before you can solve it. If you have questions and concerns about something you’ve promised or agreed to, it might be time to start questioning the reasons behind the request.

Here are some of the features of the handlers:

1. Your needs take priority over those of others.
2. They expect you to be available at all times.
3. They are often in a crisis that requires immediate action.
4. Another important indicator of a manipulative relationship is when other friends begin to notice the imbalance of give and take in relation to the other person. Pay attention to the people around you and their opinions.

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2. Ask questions

Part of a manipulative relationship is the endless demands placed on us. They are usually worded in such a way that we should feel privileged before the opportunity to help.

As a handler feeds on control, it is helpful to remove some of that control, focusing on them again, asking questions. The right kind of questions can indicate that you are aware of the behavior of handlers.

For example:

1. I know how I can help you, but can you tell me how it will benefit me?
2. Do you think this is a reasonable request?
3. Do you think it’s fair to ask me to do…?

When you ask questions, you shed light on the true nature of your request. If you have any self-awareness, you will usually see the situation for what it is and change the request or withdraw it altogether.

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3. Learn to say “NO!”

Only you can control your actions. This is important because you won’t be able to change a manipulator’s behavior, but you can stop being their victim. This happens when you start saying “no”.

We are manipulated because we allow it and refusing to be manipulated is the first step in breaking the cycle. Manipulators are good at what they do, so pay attention to your response.

They are likely to say or do things that make your heart melt. But we must stand firm in our “no”, knowing that we are taking the first step to free ourselves from its influence.

4. Use time to your advantage

Handlers are good at what they do and will have all sorts of answers to our objections. They also know that their best chance to participate in your plan is to come to an agreement. immediately. Instead of committing to the request, we can try to use time to our advantage.

“I’ll think about your proposal.”

This statement puts the power of the situation in our favor. This gives us the ability to really assess the situation and allows us to find a reasonable and respectful way to dismiss it, if that’s what we want to do.

We stay in a relationship for all sorts of reasons, but we should only stay in it if it’s healthy for us.

So while someone important may need more attention and help from us due to a major life change, over time the relationship honors everyone’s needs.

Remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and say “no” to our well-being. After all, we are better prepared to help others when we put ourselves first.

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12 things we often mistake for love