4 very frequent types of self-deception (and how to avoid them)

Self-deception is a resource that we sometimes turn to to face difficult situations. Sometimes we do it consciously, but other times it is the brain that slightly alters our perception to safeguard our strength and integrity.

This mechanism has its virtues and its dangers: we must not forget that, to achieve our goals, there is nothing better than knowing the difficulties and facing them with the maximum possible clarity and energy.

Acknowledging that one’s own company, a friendship or a love relationship have come to an end and, therefore, lack a viable future, is often a painful process because it implies admitting the failure of a significant accumulation of previous efforts. It is very common, in these cases, to fall into self-deception and trust in short-term solutions that will never be truly satisfactory.

Common types of unconscious self-deception

Conscious self-deception is part of the social habit of lying and healthy people strongly repudiate it, even aggressive. When unconscious self-deception becomes conscious self-deception, it must be avoided if we do not want to fall into some of the worst behavioral pathologies, both individually and collectively.

But not always the denial of reality is done consciously; we are often victims of an unconscious process of self-deception. Scientists have found that there is a minimum of four different situations in which it is highly probable that our brain opts for self-deception in an unconscious way.

1. If we perceive danger

The survival instinct in the face of great dangers or great catastrophessuch as a serious illness, an earthquake, a tsunami or an act of criminal violence can lead us to self-deception.

According to Mardi J Horowitzprofessor of psychiatry at the University of San Francisco, anthropologist Robert L Triversfrom Rutgers University, and a number of evolutionary psychologists, the brain filters out those aspects of reality that make it unbearable and only pay attention to those that you can digest immediately.

We do not find out the real level of seriousness of the situation because it is not convenient for us, because, simply, we would feel disarmed to face it.

Our senses accurately perceive reality as it is, but our attention is blocked by instinctive fear, and the true magnitude of the risks to be overcome does not reach the conscience. Unconsciously and automatically, the brain has censored information that would leave us without the courage to fight. It is a universal mechanism of adaptation to the environment that has the utility of improve vital expectations because it prevents us from panicking.

“Eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel”, goes the saying. If David panics, he won’t find a way to beat Goliath. It is a survival mechanism that evolution has endowed the brain with so that we are more effective in the face of the dangers that lie in wait for us. Ignoring the true magnitude of the threat makes us stronger and more aggressive against it, and therefore more effective.

2. If we feel guilty

A second type of self-deception has to do with self-esteem and consists of eliminating (or at least reducing) guilt for past wrongdoing.

The teacher Jonathan D Browna social psychologist at the University of Washington, has come to the conclusion that it is adaptive self-deception: the full awareness of our guilt in past actions would fill us with shame and self-pity and it would make it difficult for us to face current decisions with full powers.

Since we can no longer change the facts, it is more adaptive not to fall into self-punishment and the easiest way to achieve this is to transfer the blame for our bad actions to third parties, to special circumstances or –why not?– even to the own victim.

This form of self-deception It also entails a grave danger, for us and for others.: If we do not recognize our responsibility we will never be able to correct our mistakes. Let’s look at the use and abuse that abusers, torturers and some murderers make of this self-deception.

However, the psychologist Carol Anne Tavris warns us that humanity’s biggest problems do not come from “cruel and evil” beingsbut of those who consider themselves good people, present themselves as such before us and excuse their misconduct to keep that conviction intact.

3. If our self-esteem is at risk

A third type of self-deception that humans practice naturally and innately, Except for people who are depressed, it is the overestimation of one’s own qualities.

If a certain characteristic of our personality (lack of memory, for example) does not harm our self-esteem excessively, we can recognize it without problems; but if one of our characteristics (intelligence, for example) can be linked to a loss of self-esteem (for lack of it), we automatically overestimate ourselves and consider ourselves part of the privileged elite of the most favored.

In an experiment that has been repeated in hundreds of similar formats, a group is asked to value itself in a socially positive characteristic, such as their intellectual quotient, their altruism, their capacity for friendship or their right to go to heaven. More than 50% of the interviewees see themselves as part of the 10% best qualified; a mathematical impossibility that necessarily implies that a minimum of 40% must have been overestimated.

This type of self-deception has the virtue of improving our self-esteem and, consequently, our motivation to face the daily struggle of life. But it also has a danger: we can fall into narcissism, petulance and arrogance.

Applied to the scale of a human groupThis type of self-deception can lead a people to consider themselves chosen by God; some believers, in possession of the unique truth; a nation, with more rights than its neighbors, or a race, superior to all and with the right to eliminate the races it considers inferior.

4. If we need to change

The fourth form of unconscious self-deception consists of overestimate the ability to change behavior and self-improvement.

These are some typical examples: “Smoking hurts me, but I’ll quit the day I get to it”; “I don’t go to the gym as often as I had intended, but when I recover from this current slump, I’ll fix it”; “I have a few extra kilos, but one of these days I’ll start the diet and I’ll fix it quickly.”

It is convenient here to differentiate self-motivation from self-deception. If I am obese, clumsy in movement and dance badly, self-deception consists in thinking that I am an excellent dancer. On the other hand, self-motivation consists of starting from the objective and honest knowledge of my current qualities and deciding that I can make an effort to change them. My obesity can be eliminated with a proper diet, my clumsiness can be overcome with intensive bodywork, and I can take as many dance classes as I need.

Self-motivation is convincing yourself that you can change and achieve the desired goal without lying to yourself about your real possibilities or the multiple difficulties that you will have to overcome.

It has been shown experimentally that if a teacher continuously treats a competent student as if they were worse than they are, in the medium term the student becomes demotivated and becomes the bad student they are told to be. And, conversely, the student who is treated giving you the confidence that you can improve your performance because he has the necessary intellectual capacities, ends up motivating and managing to achieve the image of himself that has been projected.

Good teachers, good coaches, good managers, good political leaders, are the ones who know how to motivate the people under their charge, firmly and with charismatic authority preventing them from falling into self-deception and guiding them on the path to overcome difficulties.

When the coach of FC Barcelona Pep Guardiola (Currently mentioned in the main schools of business administration as a model of motivational leadership) welcomes the excellent youth player Leo Messi and makes him believe that he can become the best soccer player on the planet, establishes a road map that will lead to turning this wish into reality.

Having a dream can be the first milestone in a personal or collective story of improvement.

It may be true, as some philosophers have said, that life is nothing more than a dream, but what is clear is that good dreams fuel the most interesting lives. However, for these dreams to come to fruition, it is advisable not to fall into conscious self-deception, but to know the difficulties to be overcome and face them with all the strength and optimism that we are capable of.

How to avoid self-deception

1. Listen to others

Share risky decisions with affected people. Thinking that you always know what is best for others without having to consult them is a typical arrogance of self-deception. Propose your plan and listen to the alternative plans that those affected propose. It is likely that one of them will surprise you with a better proposal than yours. Intelligence is a gift that is unevenly distributed, but you are not the only one who possesses it.

2. Evaluate your actions

Solicit candid opinions from people to whom you trust judgment and honesty. If you are always fully satisfied with your actions and decisions, it is most likely that you are falling into the self-deception of overestimating yourself. Ask people you admire to unreservedly rate your performances and prepare to receive the big disappointment: you are not 100% perfect in everything you do. Nobody is.

3. Be open to criticism

Listen to the criticism received, wherever they come from, and take a serious look at what may be true about them. Do not fall into the error of neglecting them. Before denying them reason, try to put yourself in the position of others and understand what they are saying to you. Analyze with humility if they are partly right.

4. Fix your mistakes

If you have been able to come to recognize that in a certain action you were wrong, apologize immediately and try to repair it without delay. Do not fall into the self-deception of thinking that mistakes are irreparable and that it is better to forget them, that time erases everything.