4 tips to overcome the fear of commitment

Fear of commitment is a well-known expression that we hear regularly. and which we use to describe ourselves or other people who seem unable to decide about the future of a relationship.

Many people feel that they are afraid of commitment because they fear feeling trapped and losing their freedom. Fear of commitment could range from a slight uncertainty about your relationship to an absolute terror of what is commonly called “settling down.”

What is behind the fear of commitment?

The core of all fear is the fear that something might be lost. But every decision we make in life, by definition, means the loss of other options. No matter what you do, there is always another kind of life you could have lived if you had made a different decision. In this sense, the fear of commitment is the fear of making the wrong decision.

But there is something else. People who fear committing to a relationship often have difficulty committing to other decisions as well. The irony is that fear of commitment can mask a desperate desire for intimacy and security that comes from a healthy long-term relationship.

It may be that, deep down, the person fears being rejected or you feel that the consequences of a future breakup are worse the more time and dedication you dedicate to the other person.

Strategies to lose the fear of commitment

What can you do about it if you are afraid of commitment? Instead of rejecting any proposal, first reflect. The following strategies will help you make a decision and lose your fear.

1 – Name your fear

Ask yourself why you are scared, what you are afraid of. Don’t use the term “fear of commitment” generically. Think about what it really means to commit and focus on what it is you fear.

Think about what you really have to give up and what you are going to take in exchange., what you want for yourself in the future. And don’t forget that a healthy relationship should help satisfy your needs for freedom and independence as part of the relationship itself.

It is also convenient to differentiate between fear of commitment and the personal choice to reject it. Many people, by choice, prefer to be alone without hiding any fear. However, others are terrified by the supposed lack of freedom that a commitment can entail. Nevertheless, If the crux of the issue is fear of committing to someone, it is time to analyze what is hidden behind that fear..

2- Do not cling to indecision as a habit

Over time, indecision becomes a habit. When in doubt, the easy thing is to not have to decide and move forward, letting yourself go. But this doesn’t make things easier for you.

Learn to make decisions about things, to think about what you are going to do, and not just go with the flow. When we let ourselves be carried away by circumstances, the only thing that happens is that we end up walking aimlessly.. If no one steers a sailboat in the middle of a strong wind, it can end up anywhere. However, if the captain takes the helm and directs the course, we will have a set path ahead to travel.

In this way, if instead of clinging to indecision and “whatever it has to be”, we take the reins of our life, we will have much more control over it. Think about your options, in general, to get into the habit of deciding and experiencing the consequences.

3 – Think about your life without fear of commitment

Imagine for a moment your life without fear of commitment. Think about what your life would be like in the medium and long term, what you can achieve, and the many benefits of a healthy relationship focused on that commitment.

Imagine and describe what your life would be like without fear, just let your imagination work and show you the options, whether you commit or not.

4 – Now is all you have

Fear of commitment is usually the fear of losing other options, so you may feel trapped. But the funny thing is that now is everything you have, and everything you will always have. Yes, you have to decide about the future, but you will only live your present, your now reality. Actually, Whatever decision you make, you don’t know what will happen in the future. Therefore, do not be afraid to decide what to do, because nothing lasts forever.

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Image courtesy of Amanda Cass.