4 steps to make new friends –

There is a saying that “who has a friend, has everything”. With all certainty, the feeling of knowing that in good or bad times someone will be there for you, a person you can laugh with, tell your anxieties and dreams is something comforting (and necessary!). But making a new friend is not always easy due to several factors, such as shyness, lack of opportunities or believing that you are not doing well alone. “The human being is a social being, nobody will live and be happy if he doesn’t have a friend, if he doesn’t have someone, if he’s alone. As much as it’s fine with you. There comes a time when this will weigh and the person will miss people.” comments psychologist Marina Vasconcellos. Check out the following tips on how to make new friends!

1. WORK ON SHYNESS

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Not always starting a conversation with a stranger is comfortable and many people are carried away by fear in these moments. According to recent surveys by the World Health Organization – WHO, speaking in public and/or with unknown people is humanity’s greatest fear. “This feeling It is a physiological defense response of the human body. Feeling fear is instinctive and protective whenever we experience real or imagined risk (such as anxiety). It is exactly at this moment that shyness is triggered.” complete the psychologist Thaís Alvares Linhares.

The FORD method (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Desires) brings conversation topics to help shy people

“RI recommend that those who notice being shy, start a process of self-knowledge”, continues Thaís. That is, seek to know yourself first before cultivating new friendships. Learn your limits, feelings and emotions, so fear of other people’s opinion or rejection won’t stop you from building new bonds.

The professional also indicates the method FORD to help shy people:

F (family): when meeting someone you know, ask about their family or a friend if they have something in common. Family is undoubtedly one of the issues that are in evidence in all of our lives, so ask about the family of this acquaintance, creating empathy and comfort, relaxing and managing fear, until you feel comfortable and can also talk about your family and yourself.
O (occupation): here you are suggested to talk about what you do. Talk about the what occupies your time and attention and mainly about what you master, here are all the themes: books, movies, jobs, music…
R (recreation): the subject here goes from what you like to do to everything you’ve done or would like to do. In the recreation topic, put into practice moments of leisure, fun, life projects, hobbies. Here the subject is free as long as it is light and pleasant. If the other is an acquaintance, bring situations that lived together.
D (desires): it is innate in our human nature, we are desiring beings. We wish that it rains when it’s very hot and that it’s sunny in the summer holidays. We wish that vacations last longer, that we can travel more, start a new activity or even radically change our lives. Talk and ask the other about your desires. This topic is highly recommended for those looking for love relationships.

Start the conversation by asking questions that allow the other person to talk, until you feel comfortable talking about yourself too.

Bearing in mind that the shy person has difficulty expressing himself and not asking questions, in this way, the individual who suffers from shyness can and should start a conversation through subtle questions that encourage the other to talk until he himself feels used to and comfortable with it too. to talk. Fear is a momentary physiological response from triggers, if your fear is to start a conversation or talk to someone, while doing so and noticing that there is no real threat your body understands that you are safe to respond.

2. LOOK FOR COMMON INTERESTS

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Finding new friends is a bit like finding someone to date. The more you know yourself and the type of friendship you are looking for, the less you get frustrated and find people who match your personality. Therefore, a good tip is to make a list of what you are looking for in a friendship. For example, if you’re an adventurous person, look for someone who shares the same interest as you, so the introduction can be easier and you’ll already have a topic to talk about.

Make a list of what you’re looking for in a friendship.

And it gets a little easier if you develop a hobby. Ever wanted to learn how to cook more elaborate dishes? How about enrolling in a cooking course so that, in addition to expanding your horizons, you can also develop a beautiful friendship with new people?

But remember that something in common is not always enough. “Friends are the family we choose so that we can confide our pains, sorrows and anguish with the certainty of the welcome and necessary support, the basic prerequisite for a friend is: to feel comfortable with him and to trust him unconditionally. Any relationship that costs your mental health is harmful.“, warns Thais.

3. KEEP THE DIALOGUE PLEASANT FOR BOTH PARTIES

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Once you meet a nice person, whether at work, at a party or any other event, show interest in getting to know them the same way you want them to get to know you. “Listen to the other, be humble. Talk about yourself to the same extent that you hear about the other, it’s important to be reciprocal” says Marina. We can often get excited to tell interesting things about our life and that’s normal, but don’t forget that the other can feel the same way.

If you propose to ask the person out and three times in a row they refuse, leave for another friendship

And stay tuned! If you intend to ask the person out and three times in a row she refuses, leave for another friendship. Because maybe she’s not so keen to close contact.

4. CULTIVATE THE LINK

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Remember that the more you know yourself, the better your relationship with yourself and consequently with the other? Well, dealing with a “new friendship” and turning it into a constant works the same way. “Be present in your friend’s life, be interested in their life and show that you are there. We learned from the pandemic that physical proximity is not decisive for affective, much less for building a relationship”, says Thaís.

Don’t keep demanding contact but see if the person cares about you

And most importantly, know that everyone has their time and needs their personal space “Don’t keep demanding contact, but notice if the person cares about you, have the freedom to talk when you need to. Understand and respect the times when the other will not be available. Don’t compare or want exclusivity. A person can have several friends. Respect the other’s time and friendship will happen naturally”, advises Marina

In a friendship there is no room for demands, only partnership, freedom, respect, patience, learning to set limits (and also receive) empathy and consideration.