My boyfriend is jealous of me more. He gets mad when I go out with my friends and wants me to see him,” a crying woman shared with me.

“I was so blinded by having a devoted boyfriend that I ignored the warning signs of an abusive relationship. I convinced myself that he loved me and that things would get better with time. I was wrong—completely wrong.”

I often hear this cry from men and women who are in a abusive relationship. People often believe that domestic violence, abuse and manipulation do not occur within the home, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Men are sometimes portrayed as sadists; however, women can be just as dangerous. And to help you avoid a abusive relationshipI present some tips on how to detect a toxic and abusive person.

A bully usually…

1 …is charming.

This person quickly showers the other with gifts and compliments. And immediately after that, he presses for an exclusive relationship using phrases like “I can’t live without you” or “I’ll kill myself if you leave”. A clear indication that something is wrong.

2 …is excessively jealous.

He sees others as a threat to the relationship and relentlessly accuses you of flirting. “I know you’re having an affair.” The irony is that the abuser is usually the one who is cheating most of the time.

3 …is absurdly manipulative.

Abuse and manipulation go hand in hand. This person easily detects vulnerability in other people and uses it as a weapon to control, belittle, and demean the victim. “You’re weak and ugly…no wonder you were abused as a child.”

4 …is controller.

Constant verification of the victim’s whereabouts is a common trait of the aggressor. “I saw the mileage on your car. So don’t lie to me.” A controlling (mostly male) often refuses to let his girlfriend have a job, she might “meet someone”.

Read Also: 12 Signs Your Partner Is No Longer Interested in You

5 …plays the victim.

The abuser does not take any responsibility for his wrong choices. He is never to blame. When he loses his job or starts fighting over something that has gone wrong in his life, it’s always the other person’s fault. “You make me hit you” or “I drink because you stress me out”.

6 …narcissistic.

The entire world revolves around the abuser and his needs. He is invigorated by the fact that victims “walk on eggshells” and live in fear of the next explosion.

SEE TOO:

6 Alerts That Say You Should Break Up (Even If It Hurts)

7 …inconsistent.

Mood swings are a common characteristic of an abuser. One minute he’s happy and affectionate, the next he’s having a tantrum.

8 …totally critical.

Verbally attacking others is a way of life for the abuser. “You’re a stupid, fat, disgusting bitch. You can never leave me; no other man would want you” or “Ha! You consider yourself a man. You’re nothing but a mama’s boy.”

9 …disconnected.

Isolation from family and friends is a fundamental goal for the abuser because it forces the victim into total submission. “Your family causes a lot of problems for us. I don’t want you to see them anymore. ”

SEE TOO:

How to End a Relationship Without Becoming Your Ex’s Enemy

10 …hypersensitive.

The slightest offense already hurts an abuser’s feelings. Everyone wants to “catch” him. “My boss was behind me; I was the best at my job, but I still got fired.”

11 …vicious and cruel.

A significant number of abusers harm children and animals as well as a partner. Intimidation and inflicting pain fuel your power. “If I can’t have you, no one will” or “I just pretended to love you so you’d sleep with me.”

Read Also: 7 Behaviors Men Show When They're With Their True Love

12 …falsely repentant.

He’ll swear he’ll never “behave like that again.” But unless the abuser is given professional help and solid accountability, the abuse is unlikely to go away.

Watch out!

After marriage, these behaviors often increase, so it’s crucial to recognize the warning signs now. Lean on someone you can trust and ask for help.

When an abuser loses control, they often react with anger and the abuse intensifies. So make an exit plan before ending the relationship. Contact a counselor or local domestic abuse and/or safe house hotline in your community.