12 reasons why you are unfaithful when you love yourself

Is love a guarantee of fidelity?

Why do people cheat?

If you are living that situation, you are surely wondering:

“Why is this happening to me? Why is the person who supposedly loves me betraying me?”

or it may be you have cheated your partner and feel terribly guilty. You know you love him and you don’t quite understand why you fell into temptation.

Unfortunately, there is no single answer.

People cheat for many reasons.

The important thing to remember is that it is in our nature to be attracted to more than one person.

Then there is a consensus with your partner where you decide to commit to each other and be faithful.

And I think it is important to understand why that agreement ends up being broken and leading to deception.

Even if it is to be able to give it closure, to rebuild the couple or to each follow their own path.

There is some information that can give you an overview.

A 2019 study published in “The Journal of Sex Research” interviewed nearly 500 straight people about their motivations for cheating.

The researchers synthesized them and found that;

Adulterers cheat for 8 main reasons:

1) The person falls out of love

Although there was a time when they surely loved each other deeply, time and the evolution of each person can make this feeling change.

In the aforementioned study, 77% of the participants said that one of their main reasons for cheating it was “having fallen out of love” with their partners.

People fall out of love for different reasons: incompatibility, lack of chemistry, different life goals, etc.

That’s not necessarily a problem. You see, falling in and out of love is normal in any relationship. No one has ever stayed in the “honeymoon stage.”

The problem is when someone stops choosing to fall in love again.

Some people are simply addicted to the feeling of “passionate love.”

The minute they stop feeling butterflies, they just jump ship.

Cheating is just a way to get away.

2) they get bored

The next reason comes in at 74%, with participants saying they just got bored of the relationship.

It’s as simple as that. They just get bored.

And that does not mean that you or he is boring, or that you have not been good enough.

Some people are just not satisfied with what they have.

3) They felt neglected

Participants also mention negligence (70%) as the reason for cheating.

Perhaps this is seen more in women than in men.

Weiss explains:

“A woman who feels more like a housekeeper, financial provider, or nanny than a wife or girlfriend is more vulnerable to encountering an external situation that attracts attention and appreciation for who she is, rather than the roles she plays.”

4) The context prompted them

Sometimes it is not planned.

People can have the happiest relationships and still cheat because it “just happened.”

Many participants said that they cheated due to an uncontrolled situation (70%) such as being drunk.

Personally, I don’t think this is a good reason or an excuse for having acted in that way without assuming responsibility.

But it is true that in certain situations we are more susceptible to losing control.

5) To feel more secure

57% of study participants said they used deception to help boost their confidence.

I know that’s really ironic, because being cheated on makes someone lose trust.

But apparently, some people cheat because it makes them feel good about themselves or more wanted.

Or if they actually feel inferior to their partners (because they are prettier, smarter, or more social), this gives them a false sense of leveling off.

6) Out of spite

Yes, people also cheat out of anger (43%).

Anger-motivated infidelity occurs with frustrated cheaters who feel that their partners do not understand their needs.

Sometimes, they also do it because they want to hurt their partner.

Instead of effectively communicating their needs or frustrations, they do what will hurt their partner the most: cheat.

So if you think this is the reason you’ve been cheated on, you should seriously consider whether that person deserves to have you by their side.

7) Lack of commitment, they want something other than the relationship

There is absolutely no way to justify cheating.

But if your partner was hesitant to commit to a monogamous relationship in the first place, it’s not really that surprising when they cheat.

According to the participants, they cheated because they did not feel committed to their partners (41%).

That’s probably because they never saw the relationship go where they wanted it to go.

Life coach and author Preston Ni explains:

“Some people are in a romantic relationship with the expectation that the relationship will be only temporary and fleeting, while their partner may be striving for a serious, long-term commitment.”

8) Sex drive

The last (but not the least) common reason why people cheat, It’s because of someone else’s sexual desire.

Perhaps the cheater feels that his sexual needs are not being met in the current relationship.

There may be a difference in sexual styles and behaviors.

Or it may be that they have never developed the communication and trust necessary to express everything they want in privacy.

But sometimes, too, people just cheat sexually because they want to, even in apparently happy relationships.

Other reasons that could lead to deception

9) immaturity

The truth is that not all people mature at the same speed.

If it is about younger people, or the person is not yet so clear about what they want for their life. It is possible that he loves you but still gets carried away by attraction and desire.

As we mentioned at the beginning, fidelity is more about respecting an agreement than the desire to be with others.

A mature person knows that it is possible for people they like to appear, beyond being in love.

But it is a decision to be faithful to your partner because you are looking for something much deeper than satisfying a physical desire.

Lack of maturity can lead us to perform acts without considering the consequences.

10) Lack of courage

Many times the mere fact of thinking about not hurting the other makes us act in a contradictory way.

It may be that one of the two no longer loves the other as before. But the fact of not wanting to harm that person makes him maintain a relationship even though he no longer wants it.

Inside, one of the parties no longer feels connected or committed to the other, it just does not encourage them to talk about it and the other does not even suspect what is happening.

Then cheating can happen, simply because you can’t honestly talk about your feelings.

I personally believe that as much as it hurts, we all prefer to know the truth rather than live in the shadows and be lied to.

It is an act of courage and love to be able to be honest with each other despite knowing that they may not like what we have to say.

11) Not being able to bear loneliness

Whether they live a moderate distance away or perhaps in different cities or countries.

They may not see each other every day.

Some people just can’t stand being alone. They need constant company.

And while they may love their partner, any opportunity for companionship will be better than a night alone.

12) To feel more manly and boost your ego

Although this sounds very old. There are many societies where the man still looks for ways to prove his masculinity in questionable ways.

On many occasions they can feel more men flaunting all their conquests among their friends.

Or as they would say in Mexico, they have “the cathedral and its little chapels”. Alluding to the fact that they have before society a formal couple but then secret lovers.

Personally, it seems terrible to me to have to pretend something, but the reality is that even in our time it is something that continues to happen in some societies.

So what is fidelity actually?

The truth is that regardless of how many people we interact with. Fidelity does not have so much to do with whether or not we are with another person.

It has more to do with talking openly and honestly with your partner about what you both are looking for in your relationship and coming to an agreement.

Whatever the agreement, it can be a monogamous relationship, an open relationship. Being friends who sometimes have sex.

Whatever you feel and agree to will be perfect, but the most important thing is to honor that agreement.

Respect and acceptance of the other and their feelings is key for this agreement to work.

Infidelity happens when that pact is broken and it is what hurts us so much.

Fidelity is a commitment to oneself and to the other. I know that I can be attracted to many people. But I choose my partner every day, because the most important thing for me is that special bond that is fed, built and grows, and not so much a momentary attraction.

Love unfortunately is not a guarantee of fidelity. Fidelity at the end of the day is a decision.