11 tips to overcome unrequited love

At some point in life, most people experience unrequited love. That is, they discover what it means to love someone who does not show them the same appreciation.

For some, this feeling can become a serious problem. Even generating an emptiness and longing so deep that life seems useless and meaningless, as if they needed the other as much as breathing.

Loving someone with all your being and not receiving a look, smile or sigh hurts like a dagger stuck in the soul. That is why, below, we present some recommendations that can help you overcome an impossible love.

What is unrequited love and how to recognize it?

This type of love refers to that situation in which a person loves another who does not feel the same. The experience not only affects single people or relationships in which one of the parties no longer has the same feelings, but it can also occur during the phase of passionate love, at the beginning of relationships, or before they begin.

It is common to feel anxiety when facing the possibility of experiencing an impossible love. Below, we share some signs that can help you clarify doubts:

The other person does not contact you: The initiation of interactions is usually with you and, although the other person might accept them, they never take the initiative.There are signs of discomfort with your advances: Although this is not always easy to identify, it is important to pay attention to the details. For example, if he avoids physical contact, avoids looking at you, or never makes plans concrete, he probably isn’t interested.Does not show romantic interest: He avoids intimate situations, he doesn’t respond to your messages, he doesn’t have details or loving gestures with you, he avoids situations where he can have intimacy, etc.Avoid making future plans: He does not show interest in living experiences with you or in having future projects together. He or she is indifferent to the plans you make to be with him or her.He is not interested in knowing you: He doesn’t care about getting to know you nor does he look for ways to get closer to your thoughts, feelings, desires, expectations.Treats you like a friend: If he relates to you as if he were just another friend, without passion or romantic encounters, it is a sign that your love is not reciprocated.

Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize if you reciprocate, especially when the other person sends you contradictory signals. In these cases, the best way to know is to face the situation and express your feelings to the other person and ask them about theirs.

How to get over unrequited love

If you suffer from this illness or know someone who is going through this process, the following tips can be very useful.

1. Accept the real situation

No one is obliged to accept your love, and therefore it is not ungrateful.. It is necessary to discard that romantic fiction that we see in cinema and television, or that we read in novels, which turns the rejector into a guilty party and the rejected into a martyr.

There are many teachings that the myth of romantic love has introduced into our culture. From inexhaustible insistence to the sense of possession, they have made love rejection one of the most traumatic events for some people. For this reason, it is important to review one’s own values ​​when facing this experience.

2. Feel the pain and sadness

Allow yourself to feel your emotions, sadness, pain, anger. Accepting them will allow you to process the experience in a better way. Don’t repress them, rather, live them, observe them, feel them when they come. Although doing so may be difficult and uncomfortable, it will allow you to overcome grief in the long run.

To accept your emotions, don’t force yourself to feel a different sensation. Take time to identify, label and express your feelings.. Write or talk to someone about what you are experiencing and the sensations you are experiencing.

3. Get to know the person you are interested in in depth

What do you really know about that person who keeps you up at night? Have you had the opportunity to know what he is like? Many times, These impossible crushes respond more to your physical and emotional needs than to reality itself..

Falling in love with the ideal that we ourselves create of the other person is something that can happen. However, this projection ends up colliding with reality at some point, especially when love rejection occurs.

4. Open your mind and live your life

These feelings of anguish aroused by unrequited love usually generate negative thoughts. For example, that your life is worthless without that other person, that you don’t know where to walk without them, or that nothing makes sense if you need them.

You must take charge of your life and be someone for yourself.. Review the ideas that go through your head, feel your emotions without fear, take time to process it. Going out or staying at home to reflect, exercise or read, there are thousands of options that can be useful to rediscover yourself and readjust to the reality of rejection.

5. Imagine a future in which you are not with that person

This is crucial to overcoming unrequited love because it breaks rumination and obsession. By fantasizing about a future where you are happy without her, you begin to configure a new way of seeing yourself and other expectations independent of that unshared relationship.

It seems complicated, but try it. It’s just another fiction. Imagine what your life would be like if that person wasn’t there. Visualize all the things you could do in the future. Just because you’re not with the person you now love—or think you love—doesn’t mean there can’t be another.not even that you can’t be happy without company.

6. Find something to do that distracts you

This attraction based on idealization distracts from everyday life and its rhythm.. That’s because falling in love is much more stimulating than anything else. Therefore, it is easy to fall into moments of fantasy that turn bitter when there is rejection involved.

Facing heartbreak can be one of the most painful trials we can experience as human beings. In fact, a study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America suggests that rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. However, keeping your mind busy can be helpful in mitigating feelings of distress that may arise.

Therefore, look for activities that distract you from that “free” pain. If you can find something that really captures your interest and concentration, time will have a place to heal you.

7. Remember that, even if the other person doesn’t love you, it doesn’t mean you have to change something

The obsession of many people with someone who does not love them makes them think that there is something wrong with them and they strive to change to please the other person. However, self-esteem and self-concept should not depend on this rejection.

In fact, good basic self-esteem will be decisive in modulating reactivity to heartbreak.as stated in a study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. From this perspective, maintaining healthy self-esteem would be part of a psychobiological system that helps respond to social threat.

8. Avoid guilt

You may feel guilty for not being loved and believe there is something wrong with you. If you want to overcome unrequited love, it is essential that you not blame yourself. You can’t control what others feel, so it’s not worth taking responsibility for the lack of correspondence.

To combat guilt, change your internal dialogue. When you start to blame yourself, remind yourself that love does not depend on you nor is it under your control. Repeat positive affirmations about yourself and seek support from your group of friends.

9. Take physical and emotional distance

A decisive step to overcome unrequited love is to have no contact with the other person. Walking away is the best solution for feelings to fade little by little.. Distance also offers new opportunities for you to dedicate more time to yourself.

During this period of zero contact, it is essential that you avoid situations that may rekindle your passion and those in which you may encounter the person you are trying to forget. Don’t check her social media or ask about her.. Cut off all communication for a time.

10. Accept rejection as a learning experience

Although rejection in love is a painful experience, it can be a perfect opportunity to learn some things. Maybe this lack of correspondence wants to teach you that you shouldn’t push for people to love you the way you love them or that they aren’t right for you.

Reflect on that experience and try to find some lessons that will help you live fully. Use this new knowledge and experiences to know yourself better and improve the way you relate.

11. Seek support from your loved ones

Even if your value system is strong and structured and your self-esteem is high, everyone is hurt by unshared love and that is totally valid. It’s known that perceived social support is a factor that favors resilience; That is, moving forward successfully after a painful or traumatic episode.

Consequences of unrequited love

This experience can have a negative effect on the life of those who suffer from it. It can generate an intense feeling of loneliness, depression and isolation. The person feels rejected and unworthy of being loved.

Additionally, you may believe that you are not worth that much, which can lower your self-esteem. Consequently, she begins to feel that she is not attractive, good, valuable or desirable enough. All of this can lead to destructive self-criticism and excessive self-hatred.

Feelings of helplessness can be exacerbated by perceiving that there is nothing you can do to make the other person love you. This feeling increases frustration and promotes restlessness or despair. Such frustration, in turn, can give rise to anger and resentment.

Another consequence is rumination or obsessive thoughts.. When love is unrequited, the person can become obsessed with the person and desire them even more. The idea of ​​the impossible becomes seductive. An obsession consumes a lot of time and cognitive resources, which affects performance in other areas of life.

In general, a Unrequited love that has not been properly processed can have a lasting impact on mental health. It could lead to depression, anxiety and other emotional problems. Therefore, it is important to seek professional help when the situation gets out of control.

When to seek help?

As we said at the beginning, almost all of us have experienced unrequited love. However, some people experience pain with such intensity that It could cause depression or affect other areas of your life, such as work, school, health, etc.. If this is your case, the ideal would be to seek professional help.

Likewise, the assistance of a professional will be relevant in those people who have experienced this type of rejection on a regular basis. It is possible that, in these cases,…