11 Problems that wear down a marriage, even if it’s not too hard to face

According to statistics, in the United States and European countries, between 53 and 70% of marriages end in divorce. In Brazil, this number reaches about 33% of marriages. Psychologists mention three fundamental reasons for the breakup: dependence on alcohol, drugs or any other dependence on one of the two spouses; physical and psychological violence; and a love affair outside the marriage bond. But the most common reason for a separation, according to sociologists, is personality incompatibility between the spouses.

O awesome.club believes that behind this rather abstract concept are the problems that each family faces. But many of us don’t have the patience, knowledge and support to face them, although everything can be solved. And if you overcome them, you can save your marriage and make your family union solid and happy. We have selected unpleasant and, unfortunately, very common data about marriage, after which the idea of ​​divorce arises.

He advocates strict discipline and she advocates more democracy, conversation and conviction. She is against sweets and chips, but he doesn’t see anything wrong with that. Conflicts that are based on a child’s upbringing are likely to arise in every family. And that’s normal. We are too different to think the same way. The important thing here is not to go too far or think that your style of education is the only valid and true one.

What to do: “Take a step back”, is what a psychologist and mother of two advises. If one of the spouses intervenes when the other speaks to the child, this undermines the authority of that parent and confuses the child: who to listen to? It must be remembered that in the education of children everyone makes mistakes, and so do you. So give the right to make a mistake even to your partner. Children are not traumatized for the rest of their lives when their parents are wrong. They are strong and resistant.

Smartphones, created to communicate, have become true competitors of real wives and husbands. Often, these devices are used for work or simply to relax, without being put aside even during a family dinner, or in bed before bed. Many partners get annoyed when the other prefers the phone or a laptop over a real conversation.

What to do. The same couples who have faced this problem say they were forced to ditch their electronic devices during family dinner and introduced limitations when viewing social media at home after work.

According to a survey carried out by the Child Magazine, before the birth of a child, women spent around 14 hours a week with friends and men around 16. Subsequently, these numbers were reduced to 5 hours for women and 6 for men. This is a natural process, because after marriage, priorities change, more responsibilities arise and people have less free time. Also, married and single people often have different interests.

What to do. Although we have fewer friends, they don’t magically disappear. As experience shows, those closest to you remain and this should be valued. Don’t forget to congratulate them on their commemorative dates and try to find time to communicate with them, to prevent them from disappearing after all. New technologies also allow us to keep in touch: it is possible to maintain friendships with the help of social networks and the telephone, even from a distance.

Annoying habits at home can drive anyone crazy. He doesn’t lower the seat after going to the bathroom, doesn’t clear the table after eating, and leaves socks all over the house. She leaves the bathroom door open, tosses the teabags in the sink, and watches reality shows fools. At first glance insignificant trifles can become a source of unprecedented irritation and lead to a real war.

What to do. To preserve peace in the family, psychologists recommend, first of all, being patient and tolerant with your partner, and secondly, negotiating. But it is recommended to talk about what you don’t like right away, without accumulating irritation and without accusations directed at your partner. Think about what you are willing to put up with and what traits in your spouse make up for your shortcomings at home. Remember that the person needs time to change their behavior.

Boredom in family life is also a common problem for many couples who have lived together for a long time. Routine and daily life absorb everyone almost without realizing it, especially when the children appear and the number of responsibilities increases, as free time magically disappears. Psychologists say that boredom is a very insidious problem that should not be ignored. Bored spouses pull away from each other and then find it hard to find common ground.

What to do. The authors of the book Guide to a Happier Family: Overcoming the Anger Frustration, and Boredom that Destroy Family Life (A Guide to a Happy Family: Overcoming Anger, Frustration, and Boredom That Destroy Family Life) advise spouses to put together a list of common activities they would like to do. It can be anything: listening to birds singing, painting, walking in a park, riding a bike, listening to music and the like. And make sure you practice them regularly.

Even the happiest families sooner or later begin to feel a cooling of feelings between the spouses. After the period of infatuation, there comes a phase of recession. And that confuses. Many come to the conclusion that they have stopped loving their spouse or have never loved them at all. At the end of the day, that’s what is often written in forums and books: true love never disappears. But psychologists claim that this is not so.

What to do. You shouldn’t panic and rush to a divorce lawyer saying things like, “We’re not made for each other.” And know that you are not alone: ​​80% of spouses complain that they were dissatisfied with their marriage because the love disappeared. But letting everything run its course can also be dangerous. Family psychotherapists, based on their experience working with couples, argue that the return of passion is real, but it will take time and energy. It will take an effort to love your partner again.

When we decide to get married, we are often guided by our feelings towards our partner: we love them. Family consultant Robert Solley advises paying attention to how your partner reacts to stress when choosing a life partner. There are different ways. For example: denying the situation, escaping from it, closing in on yourself, eating too much, accusing or defending yourself. These are non-constructive methods that will lead to an even greater and more difficult conflict to resolve.

What to do. Learn to get out of conflict constructively. For starters, listen carefully to your partner, without trying to immediately blame them or take the blame. Don’t try to fix things when emotions are at their highest. Decide which ways to resolve conflicts are unacceptable to both of you (apart from physical violence, of course): yelling and insults, for example.

We all, in one way or another, depend on our partner and, according to psychologists, this is normal. Dependence is unhealthy when a person can only feel happy with their spouse, when their mood and self-esteem depend on the other. In such a relationship, the fear of being abandoned appears. As a result, the dependent partner begins to demand more and more proof of love and fidelity from the other, starting to control him or her. All of this ends up draining the couple.

What to do. The first step is to see and recognize your addiction. There is a complete list of symptoms by which you can define it. Psychologists recommend expanding your social circle and support network: family, friends, co-workers. Also, find a hobby and free yourself from economic dependence. The important thing is to reduce the fear of being abandoned and not being able to face everything alone. In addition, an action plan must be prepared for the worst case scenario: separation.

Over time, in married life less passion is produced and less often intimacy is desired. And there’s nothing to worry about if you both agree to such changes. But the situation becomes a problem if one partner has more desire than the other. According to data from psychotherapists, one in three couples face similar difficulties. And if they happen to be silent without solving it, it can trigger infidelity and divorce.

What to do. The most important thing is not to pressure each other, but to try to agree and support each other to solve the problem. Psychologists point out that pressure from a partner with a stronger desire can only worsen the situation and the other will avoid any physical contact: hugs and kisses. To reduce this tension, a compromise can be reached: develop a routine of “intimate dates” and stick to it.

Many young couples, planning their wedding, dream that they will spend all their free time with their partner: in the morning, after work, on weekends. But it actually happens that spouses, especially those with children, spend only a few minutes a day with each other. Children demand attention; to support the family we need to work more; on the weekend we should see other family members and besides, everyone needs some time to be alone.

What to do. Family relations researcher John Gottman advises couples to set aside a mandatory 5 hours a week to communicate and be alone. Each week, plan a two-hour appointment. Daily, set aside approximately 2 minutes to say goodbye before going to work and 20 minutes for an evening conversation. Also, every day, take 5 minutes to express your admiration or appreciation for your spouse, as well as hug and kiss them before going to sleep.

As per statistics, 57% of women regret having married their partner. The therapists…