10 Tips That Can Help You Deal With a Manipulator

“Sorry, I got angry and lost my temper again”, “I’m sorry I got upset because of a simple 40 minute delay”, “It’s my fault, I didn’t remind you”, “No, the bags didn’t they were so heavy. Do you recognize these phrases? We hope not. Behind these dialogues, hidden manipulation is disguised as praise, blackmail, threats and guilt.

O awesome.club it will help you deal with people who may force you to doubt your decisions.

The manipulator usually takes advantage of a specific situation. He can lure his “victim” with expensive gifts and then insist on marriage or he can help get a job and then dictate his own terms that were not in the plans.

Nullify these manipulator advantages: if it’s a gift, return it. Find a job without anyone’s help. You don’t owe anyone anything.

Manipulators love to be in control. Take back that control with immediate responses, using his methods.

Respond with questions such as:

“Do you want to know my opinion or are you already stating it?” “Will you support my decision even if it doesn’t coincide with yours?” “Do you really expect me to do this if you know it’s not in my best interest?”

Does a colleague like to delegate his responsibilities, talking and trying to gain other people’s trust? Ask him if he is able to complete part of his tasks next time. Such questions make it possible to reveal the absurdity of the manipulator’s requests. And if he has a little common sense, he’ll probably back off.

In psychology, the simplest techniques often give surprising results. Remember how in childhood we stuck our tongues out at our offenders?

Time passes, but habits remain. Visualize, in your mind, sticking your tongue out at the manipulator during your next conversation. You will be surprised but this really works. Try not to laugh.

Addressing people by name is not only pleasing to the listener, it’s also helpful to you. This idea is not new: Dale Carnegie wrote about it in 1936 in the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

This type of treatment establishes a mutual understanding. An important tip: find out which is the name that most pleases the interlocutor. To do this, ask him to introduce himself and notice how he will pronounce the name: Zé, José or José Alberto?

People we address by name are friendlier to us. Use this method with the handler and he will most likely stop exploiting you.

As in the previous items, the objective of this technique is to destabilize the manipulator. The first step is being able to say “no” to a request you are not interested in. However, for an experienced handler, this will not be a hindrance, so try looking directly at the handler, denying a request.

Your opponent will feel cornered, as eye contact demands a response or explanation. Also, such an attitude can serve as a silent disapproval of the manipulator’s actions, which can also help.

A common tactic of a manipulator is to take a situation out of context and turn it into typical behavior of the opponent, causing a feeling of guilt in the victim.

For example, the wife was angry that her husband forgot to take out the garbage. She blames him for avoiding household chores, even though this has only happened once.

Don’t let the handler make these generalizations. Calmly ask him to give an example of a situation that caused him to reach this conclusion.

“Yes, you’re probably right. Let’s remember if I’ve done this before.”

A repeating song annoys everyone, including the handlers.

If you feel that your opponent is constantly insisting on changing his opinion, think of a response and repeat it like a robot, as many times as necessary for the manipulator to understand your point of view.

The most common responses are: “I’m not going to do that”, “I’m not enjoying this conversation”, “Let’s get this over with”. The most important thing is not to change your tone and not show emotions. Example of a dialog:

“I thought you understood.”
“I’m willing to hear from you again.”
“What’s the point of talking if you don’t listen?”
“I’m willing to hear from you again.”
“Don’t you understand the most basic things or is it that you just don’t want to understand?”
“I’m willing to hear from you again.”

One more tip to handle the situation with humor. Imagine that between you and the manipulator there is a huge aquarium made of thick glass and that no sound passes through it. Through it you only see your opponent’s lips moving and you have no idea what he is saying.

Manipulators like to invade personal space by reaching out, touching the hand or patting their “victim” on the shoulder. To stop the manipulation process, take a few steps back. This will allow you to distance yourself and stop contact.

Not everyone manages to keep that distance from people. In this case, you can ask the interlocutor to discuss the problems via e-mail. This is the perfect solution for a professional relationship.

Manipulators love to cultivate guilt in their victims. For example, some parents complain about their health in order to manipulate their children, not worrying that they will have to leave their families, jobs or other important matters because of these whims.

Are you plagued by guilt? Do you agree with the opinion that you are useless, selfish and ungrateful? So ask yourself these questions:

And you, have you ever dealt with a manipulator? How did you get away from him? Share your experiences with us, because one day they may be useful to someone.