10 Phrases that show you need to change something in your life

The way our mind deals with the most diverse situations can determine both our mental and physical health. It can also interfere with the way we will deal with similar situations in the future. So if you want to be happy, the best thing to do is learn to deal with your feelings.

O awesome.club selected 10 statements that can negatively affect your nerves and mood.

Smiling at any cost is not always the best option. Professor of psychology at the University of Toronto (Canada) Brett Ford, in a study on behavior, demonstrated that a forced smile will do more harm than good and acceptance of negative emotions is the key to good mental health.

Cry, kick the bucket, punch your pillow if you have to. The main thing is not to become a puppet of your own feelings. Childish resentment toward parents, envy of a more successful friend, jealousy over a friend of her boyfriend, all of these cause us to become trapped in our own emotions, performing reckless actions and robbing ourselves of joy and calm. Act differently: get your bad feelings out. After all, everyone has bad days.

According to the results of a study carried out by psychologists from the famous Harvard University (USA) Daniel Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth, 46.7% of the time people think about situations that have already occurred. Regrets about the past provoke feelings of disgust and attacks of unwarranted self-criticism. Furthermore, at such times, we fail to pay attention to the present; we just dedicate ourselves to reflections that will lead us nowhere, thinking for the umpteenth time about something that no longer has any value or meaning.

Of course, everything would be different if you hadn’t gone to biology school and married this very peculiar man. But would it? Face the facts: you can’t change the past, period. Life is an eternal cycle of choices and everyone makes bad decisions at some point. So live in the here and now.

Even the most independent people sometimes ask themselves what others think before making a decision. Authors Craig English and James Rapson, in their book Anxious to Please (Eager to please), talk about why good children turn into “nice” adults, beautiful and too comfortable. People like this are hypersensitive to criticism and need third-party approval.

The opinion of others is only valid when it has some use. Will it help you achieve something? Will it get you out of trouble? If it’s any of these cases, it’s worth paying attention. If not, it’s just a guess. Does your friend think her new boyfriend is ugly? Does the new dress not match her style according to that cousin? Bad luck for them. Nobody pays your bills. So, who takes care of your life is you.

“Leave it to Mom to do it; you can’t do better,” you tell your 11-year-old, and prepare his school bag. “It’s complicated, let me do it,” you tell your co-worker, and write a report for him until the evening. Melody Beattie, author of Beyond Codependency, calls these people codependents🇧🇷 They consider themselves responsible for everyone around them, they are always willing to give, but they don’t know how to receive. Meanwhile, they are creating a legion of leeches leaning around them.

Of course, no one will do anything better than yourself. But in the meantime, you feel like you need to lift the entire Planet on your shoulders. It sure is an immense overhead. Stop controlling everything, give people the right to make mistakes and give you the right to enjoy life more. You’ll see how much better it gets.

Albert Einstein once said: “Madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”. We add: “doing nothing and expecting good results is also crazy”. Scientists at the University of Michigan (USA) found that, in the face of most problems, doing nothing further aggravates the stress and the state of nerves.

If you’re tired, tense or depressed, “melting on the couch” is never a better option. It’s best to spend a little time learning new information that inspires you. Think about how you can get around the situation and do something to make yourself feel better. Yes, even if it is to prepare an orange cake.

You’ve waited for at least five compliments about your appearance during the day; at night, you test your spouse by asking, “Do you really love me?” and after all this, on a date with a friend (who has lost several pounds), is your feeling of despair and rejection?

Craig English and James Rapson, in Anxious to Pleaseestimate that this desire to always please everyone reveals chronic anxiety, insecurity and low self-esteem. You don’t have to be an ideal person or the best person ever. But being better than yesterday is a good start.

A lot of people have the need to pretend they’re okay all the time. And this is mainly due to a kind of competition with colleagues or friends. The motivation to “do everything to provoke” becomes a strong stimulus for development. Thinking about looking better than others, they get married, lose weight, win trophies and medals…

Well, there’s nothing particularly bad about developing in life, losing weight, winning competitions, or getting promoted. The question, here, is the motivator of it all. After all, did you accumulate all these achievements thinking about your own well-being or about overcoming someone?

Among young children, it is sometimes normal to act this way. Think of a two- or three-year-old baby who suddenly gets a little sibling. It’s quite normal for her to see the new family member as a competitor and, as such, do her best to gain her parents’ attention. But you’re not a child anymore, are you? Do what gives you pleasure, not what motivates you to beat a supposed competitor.

Are you convinced that you live in difficult times and that tomorrow will not bring you any good? Stay alert. Pessimism, of course, has its positive sides, but Rob Yeung, author of the book Confidence: The power to take control and live the life you want (Trust: the power to take control and live the life you want), ensures that a negative attitude makes people save more money, while a positive attitude allows people to earn more, which is quite different.

We’re not telling you to go around looking at the whole world through rose-colored glasses or squander all the money you make. The defensiveness of seeing potential problems and preparing for them (“I’m going to an interview, but I might fail”) makes us smarter and more rational. But insisting on this (“everything bad only happens to me”) is a path to neurosis and depression. Self-confident people do not doubt their abilities.

Maybe you’re tired of hearing that there are no perfect people, but you’re willing to prove otherwise with your own example. In the book The search for happiness: Why won’t you be happy until you stop pursuing perfection (The Pursuit of Happiness: Why You Won’t Be Happy Until You Stop Pursuing Perfection)🇧🇷 Tal Ben-Shahar mentions four characteristics of a true perfectionist: the desire of the unattainable to see everything right, very strict demands on oneself, the fear of failure and the perception of the world in black and white (“Either I am a winner or a loser”).

The problem with perfectionists is that this way of looking at things leads to endless stress. It’s always thinking: “Higher, further, stronger… more!”. People like that are hardly satisfied with themselves because there is always something to complain about. And if something doesn’t go according to plan, it feels like your whole ideal world is falling apart. If you recognize yourself in that description, slow down. Relax; allow yourself to make mistakes and understand that the search for being ideal ends up being boring and without prospects.

“From Monday I start the gym”; “next month I start studying English”; “New year I start writing my book”… Promises like these are very common, aren’t they? Time passes, the academy project is forgotten, his English is frozen and the book never becomes reality. In one of his books on procrastination, Canadian speaker and author Piers Steel says that approximately 95% of people admit to putting things off. We suspect the other 5% are lying…

Also Canadian Timothy A Pychlyl, an education researcher who has also written works on procrastination, believes that issues such as task complexity, boredom and a lack of meaning in the goal to be achieved are the reasons why people put off their projects. Everyone has their own methods and practices that help overcome laziness, but the most effective way is to just get started. That simple.

Which of these statements do you consider most dangerous?

We consider the one related to procrastination.

Is that you? Tell us!