10 Attitudes of Toxic Parents Who Unknowingly Ruin Their Children’s Lives

Experts can help you see the difference between ungrateful children and victims of a toxic upbringing. For example, clinical psychologist Seth Meyers and professor Preston Ni, in their articles, talk about parents who, with their behavior, ruin their children’s lives. But parenting is hard work, and it makes no sense to blame parents for “not being ideal.” With this criterion, we could say that superheroes “save the world in an unphilosophical way”. The line between parental mistakes and direct harm can be very thin. This article will focus on people who morally harm their children. Read on to find out how to recognize them and protect yourself.

A toxic parent places contradictory tasks in front of the child. They constitute a more serious challenge to logic than the command to shut your mouth and eat your soup. O awesome.club proposes to discover that orders cannot be carried out without damage to the psyche.

Toxic parents often give emotional attacks in unexpected ways: care, rigor, fighting tantrums. In these families, by the sound of the keys and the microvibration of the footsteps, the children understand in what mood the father returned home. Their lives pass between brainwashing sessions.

Toxic parents are offended when their attempts to inflict a good are viewed with caution. In such cases, they resort to their favorite monologue: “All children are normal, but it is useless to expect kindness or affection from you.”

In toxic families, parents blame their children for their decisions. For example, the child may think that, due to his bad behavior, the father needs to calm his nerves with a “strong drink”.

Later, the child becomes an unwitting accomplice in adult dramas. The teenager listens to the parents’ complaints, digesting unnecessary details. He has to adapt to the “difficult family situation”, put himself in his parents’ shoes, help, console. Unfortunately, the accumulation of obligations does not include the right to one’s own opinion.

Narcissistic parents expect only the best results from their child. However, victories are taken for granted. If you succeeded: you did not do more than your obligation. Failed: Get your dose of humiliation. Parental comments in childhood ruin life. A person grows up with the feeling that he was never good enough for his parents.

Toxic parents literally pulverize their children’s confessions by any means possible. Most of the time, generating in the son / daughter the feeling of guilt. Subsequently, the information obtained is used against the interlocutor. There are several scenarios:

The details of the son/daughter’s personal life will be known to other people: relatives, neighbors and sometimes local market vendors. The parent will have an excuse to disapprove or make sarcastic remarks: “If you’re so good, then why… (insert confessed facts)?”

The lower the child’s self-esteem, the easier it will be to make him dance to the family’s rhythm. Toxic parents will enthusiastically talk about their son or daughter’s mistakes and failures. Often the emphasis is on appearance, as it is an easily accessible weak point.. If there are no obvious “defects”, the invented ones will be used.

The child’s attempts to get rid of the complexes will be sabotaged. Because good results increase self-esteem. Toxic parents don’t need a strong-willed “improved” child, they need a “punching bag” to spank without responding.

The child is required to provide information about his or her progress. At the same time, ways to achieve goals are ignored. For example, you have to advance in your professional career, but be the mother’s auxiliary worker. Or generate useful links without leaving the kitchen.

A narcissistic parent rejoices in their child’s well-being for two reasons:

Children’s success can be used to make others jealous. Successful children provide access to a better life.

There are also other reasons. The child is informed of the devised scenarios to periodically remind him of the distance between him and the precious target. THE classification of “insufficient” will remain in the child’s unconscious forever.

Life often puts a choice in front of toxic parents. Which is better, losing control over the child, getting more benefits for the family, or vice versa? Most likely, they will not give up control.

Narcissistic parents behave with the child as if it belongs to them. They actively participate in the planning of their life, reacting negatively to any kind of objection. The consequences of suffocating control are not taken into account. If something goes wrong, the fault is in the “executor”.

“It doesn’t matter what the right decision is, whether yours or mine, the important thing is that it’s not yours”, this is the core philosophy of a toxic parent.

In normal families, an adult child’s desire to separate is perceived as something natural. For toxic parents, child separation is like launching a probe to Mars: it’s a real event, but it rarely happens.

The son remains within the parent’s field of vision, but parental prohibitions and limits are regularly increased. Full participation in the family council is also prohibited.

What does a toxic parent really want? Let your adult child stay by your side, but let him be calm and obedient.

Parents offer some kind of help, which can easily be dispensed with. A rejection of this causes offense. The child’s mind goes through the following: “My parents probably want to feel useful.” Help is accepted and appreciated, some collaboration is provided in return (we’re not talking parasitic children). Happy ending? It won’t, because toxic parents will twist the plot of this story. According to them, lifetime slavery will be the proper payment for a jar of homemade jam.

Children become double moral hostages:

When trying to refuse help from parents. It’s wrong to turn your back when people close to you are trying to help. Having received the qualification of “eternal debtor”. The parents worked very hard: is it really very difficult to help them? Even if “help” means “come urgently at 9 am on a Saturday to get the bucket of apples, which will rot”.

Privacy? Personal space? Pff… According to toxic parents, you are mispronouncing the words “review” and “control”.

It is morally difficult to limit access to personal territory: parents will accuse you of not trusting them. Living separately won’t save you: the given “just in case…” bunch of keys will be used more than you think. After each review of your home, you will have to justify yourself. What, for example, does that dirty cup on the table do? Why did you spend so much money on this nonsense?

Running away from toxic relationships is difficult. Even for adult children, who live alone. However, experts offer a series of universal advice that allows you to protect personal boundaries without going so far as to burn bridges. To get started, you need to accept a few important facts:

It is not possible to change the past. Toxic relationships resemble chronic diseases: they are unlikely to be “cured”, so the main goal is to prevent exacerbations.

Psychologists’ recommendations are based on the understanding that a person has rights and desires that he should not be ashamed of:

Live separately and according to your own rules. Not participating in the solution of small daily problems of family members. Restrict access to your personal territory. Accumulating experience, ignoring the parents’ “I know what to do” Manage your own resources: time, energy, salary. Do not sacrifice personal interests for the momentary “have to” of parents.

It is important to remember that these rights are valid for both parties. You can’t walk away from your parents and at the same time feel that they have an obligation to help you in any way they can.

We will be happy if you characterize the situations listed in this article with the word “nonsense”. In that case, it’s reason to thank your parents for being normal and good. But if the stories touched your soul, share your experience. Were you able to resist pressure from toxic parents?