Zombieing: 10 things to do when the one who dumped you comes back

You’re having a good time with friends and you see it.

The long-awaited message finally arrived.

The one who left you from one day to the next just wrote you on whatsapp.

Yes, the one who disappeared without giving you an explanation, writes to you as if nothing had happened.

Sometimes men reappear as if by magic.

And it’s a tricky situation: a part of you is glad he’s back, obviously.

But the other party doesn’t want to make it too easy for you, right?

And you are not very clear about what you should do to avoid getting hurt again.

Don’t worry, I have 10 ways on how to act when a man reappears in your life!

But first, let me explain why we call his attitude zombieing.

Let’s Talk About Zombieing

Surely they talked to each other often, they had dates or even a relationship.

But he decides to stop talking to you and disappears, and you must go on with your life without answers.

When a man disappears from your life without explaining himself and stops talking to you, it is called ghosting.

But when he reappears and sends you messages on WhatsApp or social networks again, we are facing a case of zombieing.

But what is the real reason for his return?

It is clear, to see you again or even to revive the relationship you had.

And these digital zombies, they tend to come back when you’re whole.

When you managed to pull yourself together and redirect your life after his disappearance.

According to psychologist José de Sola from DeSaludPsicólogos, people capable of this type of attitude tend to have antisocial or narcissistic personalities.»

Then the real zombie emerges when it’s hungry.

Like any good narcissist, you need to nurture your ego.

Look for admiration, attention or affection in someone who gave it to you before: you.

Obviously, there may be other reasons why it reappears in your life.

But the crossroads remains the same, what should you do?

Here I leave you 10 steps to take into account to avoid reopening the ghosting wound

1) Be honest with yourself

The first thing you should do is be honest with yourself.

Do you want me back in your life?

Are you really ready to take on another relationship?

Or are you just looking for someone to fill a void?

Only if you are honest with yourself can you know if it is a good idea or not.

And remember, if it’s not a good idea, don’t jump into anything!

Sometimes the mere joy that he’s back can motivate you to reconnect with him.

However, take a second to find out the following:

Do you want it just because it wasn’t available and that made it more attractive?

Can you really imagine anything with this man?

If you’re not honest with yourself you could get hurt again.

Remember that he already disappeared once, leaving you wondering what happened.

Don’t get too involved only to have the same thing happen again.

Being cautious has to do with your self-esteem and showing her that you value yourself more than anything.

2) Do not rush

The next step is to ground yourself and remember what you want.

It is very good that you feel excited about the arrival of that man in your life.

But don’t rush!

If you do, you can miss out completely.

Let him show his face again and talk to him from the beginning.

Take your time and remember that by doing this, you are not punishing him.

You should not take revenge for his past attitude.

You’re taking care of yourself and making sure it doesn’t use you and disappear again.

And the best?

It’s a good way to tell if he’s serious about you.

Not patient enough to wait for you to make up your mind?

So, most likely, he is not a good man.

And if that’s the case, you can move on.

If he’s willing to wait, who knows?

You may be looking at something really special.

Focus on your needs, take your time and let everything take its course.

3) Discover their intentions

When a man reappears, he’s usually looking for something. It’s not by chance.

It may be some kind of confirmation of his feelings for you, because he misses you.

Maybe change your routine because you’re bored.

He needs to remember you in private and feel like taking you to bed again.

Or realize that he still has you at his disposal whenever he wants.

Whatever the case, don’t show your happiness too much.

Remember that you have every right to be prudent with the situation.

Talk to him and find out his intentions. You will easily realize the truth.

You don’t want to give in too quickly, just because he’s reappeared.

That man may have come to stay.

But you won’t know for sure until you talk to him about it.

You want to show him that you’re glad he’s back, without showing anxiety.

Doing so could put pressure on him and make him feel uncomfortable.

Or, even worse, confirm that he could still be with you, and then leave again.

I know, it’s unpleasant, but some men only approach you because they want to know if they still “have you.”

That is why it is so important that you be careful how you act with him.

If he likes you, he will give you time and space to make up your mind. Do not rush.

4) Be careful when trusting him again

Giving them too much trust can cause them to hurt you again.

Consider why he left in the first place and what may have happened since then.

If he left for another woman, it is unlikely that he will commit this time.

If he left because of his own issues, such as fear of commitment, be careful.

He will have to show you that he worked on himself and his fears.

Sola’s psychologist says that delusions are inevitable, but you should keep in mind,

«…the knowledge that one has come to have of the other person. Someone who is capable of ghosting reflects an unpromising profile (…) You have to try to safeguard your own self-esteem. Although it is true that it is difficult, you have to think that the problem lies with the person who has interrupted the contact, not you.»

Here’s a simple rule:

If you’re not sure or have any doubts about him, don’t give him control over you.

If you blindly trust him, there is a chance that he will hurt you again.

However, if he shows you over the course of a few weeks that he is serious about you, that is when you can trust him the most.

In this way, you will know that he is really willing to commit again.

You can give it a second chance, but it has to be well deserved and worked for.

5) Define what you want with him

The next step is to be very clear about what you want.

Think about all the reasons why he left and why you are attracted to him.

A man who reappears is an opportunity to give him a second chance. Do you want this second chance? Or are you trying to find closure?

In order not to get hurt again, it is essential that you understand your goals.

The way you act can be really confusing for a man like that.

And this could lead him to think that you are not sure of yourself.

Or that you are doubting in the relationship.

If you want a relationship, make it very clear.

That way, if he doesn’t agree, you’ll know right away and can figure out what to do.

And please don’t settle for anything other than what you want just so you can spend some time with him.

You see, some men aren’t even going to try to make the relationship work.

And if he just wants to live without commitment, you will have no chance of having a future with him.

It’s much better to be alone than to settle for someone who doesn’t treat you well.

If you take this time to be alone, I can promise you it will be better.

You are making space for the right man to come into your life.

One that does not need to be convinced that it is worth the effort.

That is why it is so important that you are very clear about what you want.

6) Value yourself

First of all, stop thinking about him.

It’s not about him anymore. It’s about you and what you want for your life.

Surely, his disappearance generated insecurities in you.

But try to have confidence in yourself when you’re around him again.

Men love self-confident women, there is no doubt.

But the important thing is that by valuing yourself you will show him that he cannot mess with you.

So, have confidence in yourself, you will make it very clear to him that he will not be able to do it again.

7) He must respect you

If he pressures you or doesn’t give you time to think about it, then you should probably drop it.

He is not someone who respects your feelings.

Nor does he show remorse for what he did to you by disappearing.

That is, he does not value the relationship enough to wait for you.

He doesn’t understand that he has hurt you and it will take time for you to heal and trust him again.

This means that he is not the right person for you.

Think about it: if he pressures you to make a decision right away, he doesn’t respect you.

8) Do not act as if nothing happened

Don’t act like nothing happened.

By acting this way, you are giving him the impression that what he did is right.

And that you can do it as many times as you want.

Needless to say, that’s not the impression you want to give, am I right?

Let him know that his actions were hurtful.

Maybe he thought what he did was right.

He will never be able to see it from your perspective unless you tell him.

So, ideally, they should talk about it.

If he doesn’t apologize or apologize, don’t let him back into your life.

What makes you think you deserve to come back?

I know that many times people apologize to get what they want.

If he can’t even understand how something like that hurt you, that’s a red flag!

Imagine what your future could be like with someone who can’t learn from what you’ve experienced.

Or reflect on what he did right or wrong.

There’s no point in trying again if you already feel overwhelmed.

do what feels right to you

There is no use trying to have a relationship if deep down you know it won’t work.

9) How do you still feel?

De Sola indicates that, during ghosting,

«The impotence of not being able to contact the other person goes through various phases, typical of a psychological duel, from the initial surprise, to anger, which can lead to anxiety or depression, depending on the case. If the affected person has a poor image of himself, the negative effects on his self-esteem can be negative, which can lead to validating the ghosting suffered as deserved. »

If these feelings are still intact, you may not be able to think clearly.

In this sense, you should be careful with yourself.

Not just because you risk him disappearing again.

But also, because your desire to be with him may not be legitimate.

But rather a desperate act of feeling validated.

I know it’s hard, but it’s important that you acknowledge how you still feel.

As I suggested in the previous step, it is important that you listen to their version of what happened.

If the wound is open, finding out if he has changed is essential.

Otherwise, you are likely to get hurt again.

10) Ignore him

If when reading his notification on your mobile, it did not generate anything for you. ignore it.

Just because he appears in your life again does not mean that you should respond to him.

Surely you have taken your time to think about him when he disappeared.

And possibly you have come to the conclusion that he did not deserve your tears or sadness.

Or that he’s not the kind of man you want in your life.

So, don’t succumb to the temptation of wanting to know what…