Why Your Type of Attachment Can Cause Unhealthy Relationships and How to Change It

The lived experiences and emotional bonds that we establish since childhood shape the way we relate to other people. It is what is known as attachment. There are different types of attachment, and they identify specific behaviors, even influencing the connection we have when it comes to a love relationship.

Some of the behaviors of different forms of attachment can generate toxic relationships. On the other hand, learning about them often helps us to understand and establish healthy bonds with others.

O awesome.club went deeper into the recommendations given by experts so that it is possible to improve the types of attachment and promote the health of relationships.

What characterizes people with secure attachment are relationships based on trust and communication. These individuals have no problem being authentic or showing themselves to be vulnerable in front of their partner. Proximity to other people does not bother them, and they often openly express their feelings.

The warmth and love they express is genuine. They are independent people, but that doesn’t stop them from creating strong bonds. They are characterized by good self-esteem, which makes these people understand and accept the other’s small flaws. In the face of conflicts, they prefer to face them and resolve them in the best way, and all this makes secure attachment the ideal style for building healthy relationships.

In this type of attachment, the person feels distressed by the relationship. She constantly asks herself if the other loves her and if he is still interested in her. He prefers to satisfy the needs of others before his own, which causes a feeling of unhappiness. People like this have difficulty being autonomous, which leads to the emergence of dependent bonds, reaching the level of invading the space of the partner.

These people feel insecure about themselves. They tend to be manipulative, jealous, or even make the other person jealous when they think they are pulling away. They project negative scenarios about the relationship and have greater difficulty in ending romantic relationships.

People with the avoidant attachment type are those who do not seek stable relationships. When they feel that their partner is demanding a higher level of commitment, or find themselves in stressful situations, they decide to walk away. For such individuals, expressing emotions and being carried away by sensitivity towards others is synonymous with weakness. Thus, they prefer to cut ties that lead to close contacts.

In this type of attachment, independence is more important than having someone special, as there is a certain notion that help from others is unnecessary. The protection mechanism for these people in the face of vulnerability is high self-esteem. Ironically, although this is an apparently positive trait, it is a deceptive self-esteem, with a tendency towards narcissism and a lack of empathy for the partner’s feelings.

In general, situations that occurred during the childhood of these people are linked to an environment in which adults acted in an irresponsible, disorganized and unpredictable way. As a result, adult life makes it difficult for these individuals to identify their own emotions and to understand what other people may feel. For them, being close to their partners is scary.

These people are characterized by having trouble concentrating and thinking in an organized way. They are emotionally unstable and often experience internal discomfort. They may have a chaotic tendency in relationships, being distant or aggressive; or they are still able to control the other through care. They feel torn between liking their partner and fear of getting hurt.

You should not be ashamed or guilty if you have identified with any of the above types of attachments. Remember that the attachment developed was one of protection, arising to survive throughout life. That’s why it’s important to identify our own emotions and learn to control them.

Analyzing the thoughts and emotions experienced helps to gain more tranquility, maintain positivity and thus be able to express yourself in a respectful and understandable way.

It is common for an anxiously attached person to seek a relationship with an avoidant attachment. It even seems like a formula: the anxious partner who finds himself insufficient joins the toothbrushes with an avoidant person, who flees at the slightest sign of conflict. The result of this is that both types of attachment end up confirming their own beliefs, a stance that can be avoided through informed therapy.

Understanding that your partner is an independent being and that he is with you because he loves you, respects you and accepts all of your characteristics, helps to establish better communication and a healthy relationship. Testing secure attachment allows changing patterns to mature and understand that codependency is a symptom of a toxic relationship.

A big mistake occurs when the security and love offered by the partner becomes the only source of strength. Love and self-confidence must come from within. Liking yourself and valuing yourself makes relationships for two healthier. Every day, don’t forget to remind yourself of your qualities. By making it a habit, your self-esteem will be much stronger.

Experts suggest that informed therapy is the best way to help understand the situations that mark adulthood. Practice allows people to learn to amplify their feelings and express emotions better. No one needs to be afraid of changes, just know how to deal with them.

Therapy may be the best way to establish secure attachment relationships. It may be difficult at first, but over time you will learn to be more tolerant of yourself, knowing that whether you have a partner or not, you will always be a complete person.

How would you help someone change their attachment type? What attitudes do you put into practice so you don’t forget your own value? Leave a comment with your impressions on the topic!