Why is grieving toxic relationships more complicated?

The end of a relationship, whether due to separation or the death of one of the members, is a painful experience. However, Grieving toxic relationships, due to the inherent characteristics of this type of ties, tends to be complicated.

When we talk about toxic relationships we usually think of couple unions; However, any human interaction can have harmful dynamics. Thus, both the end of a friendship and the death of a close family member can present complications, especially if a healthy bond had not been established.

Why is grieving toxic relationships complicated?

It may seem illogical that it is more difficult to let go of people who have harmed us than to those who have given us their love. Those who face the loss of a toxic relationship often encounter incomprehension and judgment from those around them, but to understand this it is necessary to focus our attention on certain important factors.

Personality

Generally, people who establish toxic relationships and stay in them have certain emotional issues to work on. It is common for these individuals to have a high fear of rejection and abandonment.who are insecure, indecisive people with a tendency toward emotional dependence.

Although in an unhealthy way, the relationship covers or covers these internal wounds and the dependent focuses all his energy on the other. When the relationship ends, he is forced to confront his own internal world, to return all the attention to himself.

Thus, one’s own fears and wounds resurface with greater force, making the situation emotionally unbearable. Let us remember that in grief each one of us is our main support and, if we are wounded at the core, we will not be able to support ourselves adequately.

Self-esteem

One of the aspects that is most affected when someone becomes involved in a toxic relationship is self-esteem. These types of relationships in which so much suffering is experienced undermine self-confidence.

The value that the person places on themselves decreases as they remain in that harmful interaction. So, You end up feeling weak, inadequate and unable to get ahead without the other person.

Self-love is essential to detect abuse and put an end to it. It is what reminds us that we are valuable and capable of taking care of ourselves. It is the force that drives us not to tolerate any type of abuse, even if the consequence is loneliness.

In toxic relationships, self-love is destroyed. The person undervalues ​​themselves, coming to think that they do not deserve more than what they are receiving. And, on the other hand, confidence in his abilities is so diminished that he does not feel capable of facing the breakup. The solid foundation that we need to say “enough” has been broken by continued humiliation.

Inner peace

Finally, when you maintain a healthy relationship, there are usually no unfinished business. Each one has fulfilled their role, providing affection, security and understanding to the other. In this way, when paths separate it is easier to close the cycle by prioritizing good memories and feelings.

On the contrary, When grieving toxic relationships, emotions such as anger, resentment, rage or disappointment tend to become entrenched.. There is often the idea that all the effort that has been made and the suffering that has been endured must be rewarded. Thus, it is expected that the other party will change at some point and repay us for all our commitment. When the relationship ends this hope is broken and anger arises.

Besides, During grief, dysfunctional thoughts often appear that question why we were not enough, why the other person never loved us or what we could have done to prevent this from being the case. This usually leads to rumination that intensifies discomfort and makes effective coping difficult.

However, overcoming the grief of toxic relationships is not impossible. We can say that the grief of a relationship is similar to the course of the relationship. Thus, in healthy and respectful relationships we will find equally calm and conscious duels.

On the other hand, after a toxic relationship, grief will be loaded with the same suffering and despair that characterized the couple’s union. To get ahead Deep personal work will be necessary that allows us to reestablish the pillars of self-love and confidence. essential to heal and not repeat patterns.

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