Do not believe everything you think! The influence of thoughts on discomfort

You come to work and say good morning. Everyone answers you except one colleague who, directly, doesn’t even look at you. “But what’s wrong with this guy? Have I done something to him and he’s mad at me…? But what? Ufff… Maybe what I said the other day at the meeting bothered you, but it was nothing personal, I simply said my opinion as a professional… No, but it can’t be for that… So, why? He will be rude!”

This is how, almost without wanting to, we enter a spiral of rumination in which we do not stop thinking about the whys and can even cause us to feel sad, angry or nervous. Now, is something really wrong with your partner with you? Or maybe he hasn’t answered you simply because he was focused on his work and didn’t even hear you? Keep reading to understand what happens here and what the influence of thoughts is on discomfort.

Does the situation make us uncomfortable or is it our interpretation of it?

As a general rule, when we experience negative emotions we say that they are caused by specific situations or by the actions of others. That is to say, We believe that our discomfort is caused by events beyond our control. In other words, we make external causal attributions about our feelings.

So, We think we are angry because our partner hasn’t greeted us., something that we cannot control; instead of realizing that we can regulate those emotions that arise if we focus not on the actions of others, but on how we interpret them.

What does this mean? That We have actually become angry because of our interpretation of the situation. We have thought that he has not answered us because he has something wrong with us or because he is stupid… Who wouldn’t get angry thinking that? The point is that what happened, in reality and objectively, should not have bothered us.

If instead of these thoughts other thoughts had appeared like “He probably didn’t even hear me” or “He’s concentrating on his things, it’s nothing personal”… Do you think you would feel the same? Clearly not. In fact, it probably wouldn’t have bothered us one bit. This example highlights a reality that we do not always have in mind, or that we have not even been aware of.: the influence of thoughts on discomfort.

Do our thoughts adjust to reality?

This influence of thoughts on discomfort also occurs when they are not realistic. The point is that We don’t usually consider whether what we think is real or not.. We simply believe it and that’s it. Thus, even if nothing happens to our partner, we believe that this is the case, and we “warm” our heads about it without really having a reason to worry, so our anger increases.

This happens to us because, generally, Human beings need to know the why of things. Thus, if we do not have enough information about the facts, different types of biases come into play and we draw conclusions about them, which may not be entirely realistic. In this way, an endless number of negative emotions appear that would not have to be there if we managed to adjust more to reality.

No one has taught you that what you believe may not be true. If we can learn to question the internal dialogue we have with ourselves, we will be able to regulate our emotions more efficiently. In fact, the influence of thoughts on discomfort can also be used to our advantage. But how? Using positive self-instructions to replace these negative cognitions can help us.

This post is the first of five, in which I will try to capture how we can manage what comes to mind. The truth is that It is not easy, but with work and perseverance it is achieved. To do this, the first step is to understand and internalize the influence of thoughts on discomfort, in order to become aware of the importance of questioning ourselves and changing those thoughts that do not fit reality… Work for your well-being!

Images courtesy of Roberto Nickson.

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