Why does he only write to me when I write to him? 14 causes (and what to do)

We have all come across one of those guys in the world of dating who is not clear at all.

When you write to him everything goes well, he always answers. They chat a lot and arrange an outing. You feel that everything is on the right track.

But as soon as you stop writing to him, the communication is cut off. You feel strange because you know that they have very good dates and you really like him.

And suddenly you realize that you are always the one who sends the first text message.

Frustrating, I know.

The fact that he has no initiative puzzles you and makes you wonder if he is really interested in you. Should you keep writing to him or wait for him to take the lead?

You fear that if you don’t write to him, he won’t do it anymore either.

Maybe you go down the street and something reminds you of him. You want to send him a photo, but you know that he hasn’t shown any signs of life for a long time and you give up. Why can’t you be spontaneous and have to think about every step you take?

The last thing you want is to appear overly concerned or desperate.

And it really hurts that you’re the only one who seems to make any effort to get in touch.

Well, as you can imagine, there is no single answer for this situation. There can be many factors that affect your enthusiasm and consequently your communication.

In this article, we’ll talk about all the reasons why he only texts you if you do, and then we’ll help you figure out what to do about it.

This way you can evaluate if it is worth continuing to invest your time in this guy or if it is better to move on.

14 Reasons He Never Texts You First (And What You Can Do About It)

1) He likes you… but you’re not the only one

This guy never texts you first, but when you see him, you know he likes you.

So it could be that you are one of several girls he is dating.

This means that he will never prioritize you if you are the one always texting him.

Think of it like this: the girl who always texts him first is the one he knows he won’t lose.

That girl you haven’t heard from in a week?

She’s the one he’ll go out of his way to text, because she’s the one he’s in danger of losing.

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2) He really is very busy

Sometimes it’s just the simplest explanation.

You’ve been messing yourself up trying to figure out if he really likes you.

You keep wondering if his lack of texting is because he’s not interested, and you’ve probably told yourself a thousand times that he’s “busy”.

It may be true!

If you work full time or are deep into a new project, you probably don’t have time to text during the day.

And when he gets home, he just wants to relax…and not spend the afternoon on his phone.

If this is the case with your guy, he almost certainly likes you (after all, if he’s so busy and still finds time to reply to you, that’s a good sign).

But beware, think about this: if you don’t have time to reply to a text, do you really have time for a relationship?

You should discuss it with him so you don’t waste your time.

3) He just doesn’t like to send messages

It’s a total cliché, but in general guys aren’t as talkative as girls.

You may love to answer messages all day.

But he may feel like texting is just a functional thing.

Some guys only text when you have something to plan. The real conversation happens in person.

It may also be that he is a bit of an introvert. If you know him, he will know if that is his case.

Maybe you feel overwhelmed by having to talk all the time and just need more time to yourself than most.

4) He is not sure of his feelings and does not want to deceive you

If you find that he is happy to chat when you start a conversation, but he never initiates it, this could be the reason.

He likes you, but he’s not sure how much.

He knows that if he texts you, you’ll think he’s more interested in you than he really is.

If you’re doing this, you probably don’t really know what you want.

Remember that you don’t have to wait around to see if he makes a decision.

It’s probably worth your while to stop texting him. Either he will miss you and start texting you, or he will move on. At least you will know.

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5) He’s playing with you… and enjoying it

This is hard to listen to.

There are plenty of emotionally immature men out there. They think you’re probably waiting to hear from them and only write to you when you do, because they know that eventually you’ll always be first.

And they love that.

Men like that are in a power game. He knows exactly what he is doing and exactly what is going through your head.

If you think your guy is one of those, drop him. He doesn’t deserve more of your head space.

6) He wants to hide his enthusiasm

Think about how you’ve felt after a great first date.

When all you wanted to do was text the guy and tell him what a great time you had. You sit on your hands so as not to do it and not appear desperate.

Well, this guy could be doing the same thing.

Sometimes, even after dating for a while, guys like to keep it cool.

Maybe he’s worried that if he texts you all the time, you’ll quickly lose interest.

It’s not just girls that do these things…boys too. And if she is doing it, she probably likes you a lot.

7) He is very shy (although he doesn’t seem to be)

Many men are very confident in themselves, or at least they do everything they can to make it appear that way.

But it is not always true.

Sometimes even the guys who seem the most confident are really shy at heart. And if he likes you, that shyness will be more and more evident.

It’s much easier for a shy guy to reply to messages someone else has sent than to be the one to initiate conversations.

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You can talk to him about it. If he knows how you feel, it might relax him and improve his attitude.

8) He is being polite

This is really hard to take, but sometimes a guy just talks back because he’s being polite.

He’s not that interested in you, but he doesn’t have the courage to say it. But that’s why he only texts you when you do.

He feels it would be rude to ignore you.

It’s as simple as stopping writing to him altogether. If he doesn’t contact you, you already know what he really wanted (or what he didn’t want).

9) You just broke up with someone you loved

How is your man’s romantic backpack?

If you’ve been dumped with your long-term partner recently, you may be heartbroken and want to take a break from dating for a while.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. It just means he’s not ready to start anything new.

There’s not much you can do in this situation. Your only option is to wait and give the guy some space.

You will eventually get over your heartbreak and be ready to date again.

10) He doesn’t think you like him

Maybe you wonder why he only writes to me when I write to him? But… how many times have you done it?

If you sent him one or two messages you can’t jump to conclusions.

And if you’re the kind of girl who waits for the guy to make all the moves and fall for you, you may have unknowingly been a little cold to him.

Show your interest clearly first before you think he doesn’t like you.

11) He doesn’t like you that much

As painful as it is to think about it, he may not be attracted to you.

Maybe he asked for your number because he felt it was what you expected him to do and he didn’t want to be rude.

If when you first met, he seemed a bit aloof and disinterested while talking to you, then unfortunately, these may be signs that he’s not interested in you.

This has nothing to do with you. He’s just not the right person for you.

12) Has Commitment Issues

Well, you probably didn’t want to hear this, but commitment issues are common for many guys.

Many believe that if they get involved in a relationship, they will automatically lose their freedom.

Maybe he is young and wants to test the terrain before wanting something serious.

They are excited about the “seduction” phase, but see the “stable relationship phase” as boring.

Then, after a few weeks, they start acting aloof.

Some men don’t have long-term, serious relationships until well into their 30s. In fact, it is more common than you think.

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13) He likes to play hard to get

This is a very common reason why some guys only text you when you text them.

In their head, they think that not making the first move gives them an advantage in the battle of who likes whom better.

Not a bad way to increase your desire and intrigue for him.

But in my opinion, things between a boy and a girl should flow.

Maybe this man needs to grow up a bit before you decide to date him.

14) Does not want to disturb

This is another reason why this guy can text you only when you do.

Maybe he’s your typical “too nice guy” who doesn’t want to be pushy or intense.

Or think you’ll like it if it respects your times.

Since he doesn’t want to be annoying, he’ll just wait for you to send him a text…