When our partner separates us from friends and family

When our partner separates us from friends and family, they erect a prison of invisible and painful bars over us.. Often, it is a subtle but progressive isolation. We may tell ourselves that this is love, that nothing is as romantic as living exclusively for each other… However, little by little we discover how this fence is stripping us of our entire support network.

We know that the issue is not new. We understand that talking about the problem of control over your partner may be a very repetitive topic. However, the problem is still there. It happens every day regardless of age, status or culture. It is something recurring and it is intensifying more frequently among the younger population; among our teenagers.

Patterns of violence in couples are not always as clear as we think. Abuse, after all, is not limited to just a hit, an insult, an attack that one can instantly identify because of the damage it causes.

There are equally worrying silenced dynamics that are often confused with love. They are subtle tactics exercised by excessive control, which is why cell phone monitoring, always being aware of who we see, who we talk to and for how long.

As striking as it may seem to us, its devastating effects do not make this type of poisons more visible. What’s more, there are those who justify them, who see in this need for control a sign of love, concern and sincere affection.

Now, we must be clear that These realities are traps, traps that are placed under the mantle of Machiavellianism and psychological abuse. that leaves thousands of victims every day.

When the couple separates us from family and friends, how do they do it?

When a person isolates their partner from their environment, they usually do so gradually.. Thus, when the couple separates us from family and friends, they do so through an arsenal of techniques and tools that at first we will not be aware of: there will be other interpretations for their way of acting that we will tend to accept as good. And that is the biggest problem.

Let’s therefore look at some of those strategies.

emotional manipulation

One of the most common ways to shape isolation is emotional blackmail. Love becomes conditional and requires a series of tests that must be fulfilled and demonstrated.

With phrases like “It’s clear that you like to spend more time with your friends than with me.” the fact is dropped that “If you love me, you should stop seeing your friends so much.”

Guilt as a tool

The use of guilt is directly linked to emotional manipulation. However, it should be noted that This type of trick is the “queen” of the psychological framework of abuse.

The burden of the fact that the loved one blames us for neglecting them, for not taking them into account, for belittling them, for not dedicating time to them, etc., ends up generating an obvious impact.

Little by little, that cognitive dissonance is created where we assume those ideas to stop suffering, to not experience contradiction. We give in and little by little we are seeing much less of our loved ones so as to stop feeling the weight of guilt.

I have the right to supervise your life because you belong to me and I belong to you

When the couple separates us from family and friends, they place the cage of love on us. Everything he does and says is the result of that harmful, invalidating and destructive love.

This is something that we must be very clear about. Because whoever controls and isolates what he seeks is to possess us exclusively, to limit our reality so that our world has only four walls: those contained in the home and in that person.

This means that there is no shortage of typical “t” phrases.you are mine”, the “two are one”, “your world is mine” or “you belong to me and I am yours”. These expressions may initially arouse passion and fascination, but It is a very dangerous mirage where supervision will soon appear for everything we do, say, for everything we wear and, above all, for what we do on our phones and social networks.

Mental and emotional exhaustion

Dr. Tyrone C. Cheng, from the University of Alabama (United States), conducted a study on how violence and psychological abuse impacted the person. Factors such as isolation, something sadly common in this type of relationship, left the victim in a highly vulnerable position.

Let’s think that suddenly, that entire support network that you previously had is put aside. When our partner separates us from friends and family, we lose that part of our identity. which is shaped by the people we love.

Our support is lost, sources of support, listening, leisure, company, emotional contact are restricted… All of this is devastating and it is common for an anxiety disorder or depression to appear.

However, the most striking thing is the exhaustion. The person is in continuous struggle and contradiction. He must take care of every aspect of his life so as not to contradict or harm the controlling partner; identity, self-esteem and even dignity are lost. They are states of great wear and tear from which it takes a long time to recover.

What’s more, if the person finds strength (and their environment takes the responsibility of acting to help them) and that harmful relationship ends, The process to recover and “rebuild” yourself emotionally and psychologically is slow and delicate. It takes a certain amount of time to rebuild each value lost, each manipulation suffered.

To conclude, when the couple separates us from family and friends, it is necessary to act. It will make us doubt ourselves, it will put on us the weight of guilt, the shadow of fear and the constant feeling that we do not love our partner enough.

Let’s not be fooled, because Authentic love does not cause that pain, it does not set conditions and leaves spaces to be, to grow as a person. and continue cultivating ties with those who are significant and loved to us.

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