What is hoovering and how does the ‘hidden narcissist’ act when he wants to get back with you

Have you tried to disconnect from a relationship, but you find that your ex becomes insistent, suddenly appears in places that you frequent, praises you non-stop and does not let you go? you may be suffering hooveringa form of abuse that can be difficult to identify and, if left unchecked, can lead to hook into toxic relationships.

What is hoovering?

The word hoovering It comes from English and means “to aspire”. Defines a manipulation technique that is used to “aspirate” or “suck” to ex-partners for return to a relationship that was already over and it was toxic.

Who use it they fear that the people they exercised their control over will walk away and they use various manipulative techniques to hold them back and absorb all their time and attention: from feigned crises to exaggerated proclamations of love. Its objective is to force, by any means, the commitment of the other person who had already decided to leave a relationship that did not satisfy him and could be considered a type of abuse or emotional blackmail.

Anyone can do hooveringespecially when you feel insecure about your relationship, but it’s something more typical of narcissistic personalitieswho show exacerbated selfishness and lack of empathy.

Warning signs that you are being hoovered

Hoovering can go unnoticed because it is often accompanied by gaslightinga form of manipulation whereby one person tries to deceive another by creating a false narrative and making them question their own judgments and reality.

Some attitudes that can alert you that your ex is making you hoovering are:

It may come and go in your life repeatedly. In the first moment it may appear that you have accepted the end of the relationshipbut when you’re starting to recover, come back to your life. He may call you on certain dates or with any excuse (for example, that he has heard a song that made him think of you) trying to recover the relationship. Seek to obtain information about you from your friends and family and try to reach you through them. He shows up at your house unexpectedly or you come across it “by chance” in places you usually frequent.He insistently promises you that he will changebut at the same time he is not aware of the toxic behaviors that led to the end of the relationship. He assures you that could not forget about you, that you are the best thing that has happened in his life and he can even shower you with gifts. All of this may make you feel good, but it’s just a manipulation strategy.Can faking or exaggerating a problem (an illness, a family problem…) to get your attention. In extreme cases, he may even threaten to commit suicide or harm himself if you don’t come back to him or her.

The goal of hoovering is not always to return to the relationship. Sometimes it’s just a way not lose the attention of the ex-partner and, for this, they can use the revenge or blackmail, even involving other people in the environment. Sometimes they can try damage your reputation telling intimate things or simply lying to motivate you to get in touch to seek explanations. In short, trying to attract that person they were trying to disconnect back into their lives.

How to recognize a narcissist?

In Greek mythology, Daffodil I was a young man who was so in love with his own image who ended up throwing himself into a pond where he was reflected and drowned. Hence the name of this personality trait.

Narcissistic people have a strong need for attention and validation and often feel very threatened how much they fear losing their power and control about a person, this is precisely what leads them to hoovering.

Some characteristics that give away narcissistic people are:

They need to have the full control of any situationThey tend to press and manipulate others into complying with their demands.They think that his opinion and his way of doing things is always the right one. In conversations, whatever the topic, they usually always refer to their own experiences.They only think of themselvesthey are selfish and show lack of empathy with the rest. They always look for their own benefit and they do not care about the consequences that their actions may have for others. They constantly need the recognition and praise from others and when they don’t get it, they feel offended. Their relationships with others are based on maintaining their ego. They often live obsessed with fantasies of successpower, beauty or ideal love.

Narcissists look perfect and do not conceive that they can make mistakes, which prevents them from learning from their failures and changing.