What is emotional intelligence?

A brilliant brain and a high IQ are of little use to us if we do not understand empathy, if we do not know how to read our own and other people’s emotions. To be foreigners to one’s own heart and to that social conscience is to leave aside valuable capacities. Because Emotional intelligence is, whether we like it or not, an essential pillar to be happy.

No one would be surprised if we said that today, The debate about what intelligence is and is not seems to have not been completely closed. Empirical evidence confirms, for example, the existence of Spearman’s “G” factor, understood as a basic and essential foundation that defines all intelligent behavior. We also have Robert J. Sternberg’s triarchic theory, and of course, Howard Gardner’s popular approach to multiple intelligences.

Where then is Daniel Goleman’s so-called emotional intelligence? Well, actually it’s interesting to know that That idea, that concept and that essence has always been present throughout the history of psychology.. Professor Goleman did not formulate it, he only popularized it in 1995 thanks to his book emotional intelligence, of which more than 5 million copies have already been sold. Let’s delve into this theory.

History of the term “emotional intelligence”

Edward L. Thorndike defined already in 1920 what he called “social intelligence”, that basic ability to understand and motivate other people. David Wechsler, for his part, and in the 1940s, made it clear that No intelligence test could be valid if emotional aspects were not taken into account..

Later, Howard Gardner himself would lay the first foundations with the seventh of his intelligences, the so-called interpersonal intelligence, undoubtedly very similar to emotional intelligence. Nevertheless, It was in 1990 when Peter Salovey and John Mayer coined the term “emotional intelligence.”

In an article published in Imagination, cognition and personality, these authors defined it as «the ability to monitor one’s own and the emotions of othersto discriminate between them and to use the information to guide thoughts and actions.

However, later, Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist and journalist, popularized it. Goleman sparked a movement that continues today, allowing us all to discover the profound impact emotions have on our identity, actions, and relationships.

What is emotional intelligence (EI)?

This dimension responds to another way of understanding intelligence beyond the cognitive aspects, such as memory and problem-solving abilities. We talk above all about our ability to effectively direct others and ourselves, to connect with our emotions, to manage them, to motivate ourselves, etc. In other words, emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize our own feelings and emotions, understand how they affect us, and learn to manage them effectively.

Emotional intelligence begins with self-awareness and extends to social awareness. That is, when we are able to recognize and identify emotions, both our own and those of the people around us.

Likewise, it means understanding that a large part of our behaviors and decisions are based on emotions. The human being is an emotional creature who one day, and as a legacy from our ancestors, learned to think and reason. This may seem like a somewhat controversial aspect, but it is not without truth. Understanding it and assuming it will allow us to have greater control over our behavior.

The dimensions that make up emotional intelligence according to Daniel Goleman

Daniel Goleman in several of his books, such as emotional intelligence and Working with Emotional Intelligence, defines that within its approach to emotional intelligence There are 5 basic dimensions that structure it. They are the following:

1. Emotional self-awareness

Make reference to our ability to understand what we feel and to always be connected to our values ​​and essence. Something like this means having a kind of well-calibrated personal compass that will allow us to guide ourselves along the most correct path at all times. As long as we take into account those internal realities, that is, our emotional state, we will be prepared to act accordingly.

2. Self-control

This component is essential to have emotional balance and make effective decisions. It involves identifying, understanding and directing emotions in an assertive and constructive way. Thanks to self-control we can regulate our emotional reactions to events that affect us negatively or positively.

3. Self-motivation

It allows us to orient ourselves towards our goals. To recover from setbacks and focus all our personal resources on one goal, one objective. If we combine optimism, perseverance, creativity and confidence, we will overcome any difficulty to continue achieving triumphs and achievements.

4. Empathy

In our way of relating there is an aspect that goes beyond words. We talk about the emotional reality of each one. That which is expressed with gestures, with a particular tone of voice, with certain postures, looks, expressions… Deciphering all that language, putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes and discovering what they are going through is empathy.

Furthermore, recognizing the emotions and feelings of others is the first step to understanding and identifying with the people who express them. Empathic people are those who, in general, have greater skills and competencies related to EI.

5. Social skills

And you, how do you relate to others? Do you communicate effectively and assertively? Do you know how to handle conflicts or differences? All of these dynamics enhance or limit your ability to enjoy or not enjoy your relationships. To build healthy, comfortable and productive work environments. To shape more satisfactory couple, family or friendship relationships.

As a curiosity, Daniel Goleman reminds us in his books of the need to be competent in these four areas. It is not worth mastering one or three. The person with emotional intelligence is effective in all of them. If we are not, we could have, for example, the classic manager trained in emotional intelligence who has only come to assume self-awareness, but not his ability to empathize with others, to understand those worlds foreign to his own needs and values.

Emotional intelligence is learned

Both in your book emotional intelligence like in social intelligence explains to us that part of this ability is found in our own epigenetics. That is to say, It can be activated and deactivated, depending on the emotional and social environment in which we grow up.

However, and here lies the real magic, Emotional intelligence responds to that brain plasticity where any stimulus, continued practice and systematic learning creates changesbuild connections and new areas where you can be much more competent in each of the 4 mentioned above.

Daniel Goleman also points out the need to educate children through this approach. Whether at home or at school, we should all be able to create a valid and meaningful context in emotional intelligence.

On the other hand, as far as the adult world is concerned, we know that there is no shortage of courses of all kinds in our daily lives, that seminars and conferences are given every day and that we all also have multiple books and magazines at our disposal to form us

Achieving it is a matter of will, perseverance and applying that real awareness where those keys that Professor Goleman points out to us in his work are present and constant:

We must detect the emotion behind each of our actions.It is necessary that we expand our emotional language: Sometimes it’s not enough to say “I’m sad”, you have to be more specific. “I’m sad because I feel disappointed, somewhat angry and confused at the same time”.Control what you think to control how you behave.Look for a reason for the behavior of others and accept the perspectives and emotional worlds of others. Express your emotions assertively. Improve your social skills.

8 ideas to enhance your emotional intelligence

Below, we offer you some ideas that you can carry out in your daily life to practically develop your emotional intelligence. Dare and put them into action! You will be surprised by its benefits.

1. Be willing to improve emotionally

You don’t change until you do your part. No one can help us quit smoking, lose weight, etc., if you are not predisposed. The same thing happens in emotional intelligence. And there is a saying that says “He who wants does more than he who can.”

2. Learn to cope with the small setbacks of everyday life

Look for the positive side of everything that happens to you. Have you lost love, a job, a friend? Don’t worry too much, think that these are bad times but that everything passes and that life surprises you again with new opportunities.

3. Don’t punish yourself with negative thoughts

Entering the spiral of negative thoughts is of no use to us. What do you solve with negative thoughts? Try to learn to say “enough” to yourself. Play music, dance, exercise, talk to others, distract your mind.

4. When you feel bad, go to someone you know brings you peace and refuge

Surely you have someone close to you who, when you feel bad, has the ability to make you see life in a positive way. Look for her, receive her words and end by thanking her for her friendship.

5. Be open-minded with others

Definitely, be empathetic. Don’t censor others so much, try to understand them. Pretending others to be the way you want them to be is a meaningless war. Bring out the positive side of people. We all have defects and virtues. Don’t forget to be tolerant and not judge people, everyone carries their own backpack and sets their sights on it.

6. Listen to your body

This will help you identify your feelings. Have you had a knot in your stomach when you have been given bad news? Do you feel dizzy in this new situation? Discover how your body is the first to identify emotions and helps you understand them, even transform them. Learn to breathe and calm down.

7. Don’t take things “so personally”

If you stop to think a little, you will see that you are passing through this world. So why not do your part and try to take things more calmly? The fact that the boss is unbearable today is his fault, don’t let him influence you; You can’t stand the new guy who has joined your group of friends, don’t let him make you lose your friendship with the rest.

8. Resolve conflicts with others in a positive way

They say that people understand each other by talking. When you have a…