What is behind undisciplined children?

Indiscipline. Big dilemma and big problem. Sometimes we do not realize these attitudes until it is too late, when our children’s reactions no longer make us smile but instead make us grimace with concern or anger. A refusal, a tantrum, a defiant reaction that attacks our authority or that of the educators. How to solve these problems? or even more… What causes these behaviors in the little ones? Let’s see it.

WHAT IS BEHIND AN UNDISCIPLINED CHILD

Educators and educational professionals warn us: behind an undisciplined child there is, indeed, an incorrect educational model. We have to be clearas children grow they look for our limits and want to have their own autonomy, without yet understanding the rules of society.. They can become demanding and authoritarian, unable to resist frustration, continuous demands for attention, objects, indulgences and self-righteousness.

They are children who have not been controlled or set a limit. Indiscipline is essentially a lack of control and guidance on the part of those who have the responsibility of educating.. It is true that each child is unique, that he has his own personality and a character that, surely, is not the same as that of his brother, for example.

But it is the task of all of us, whether as fathers, mothers, grandparents, teachers or psychologists, to channel each behavior to those limits where we must learn to live in society while respecting each other. In harmony. If a child does not see the limits, he will continue to find more and more frustration, because he will never see his needs and desires met. He will not know how to respect others, nor himself.

Sometimes we can see many fathers and mothers, slightly unconcerned about what is important for the child. They are educational models that are too permissive, sometimes even unaffective, nervous, incoherent in their rules.… dimensions that little by little are shaping those undisciplined children that we all know and have seen at some point.

CONSCIOUS AND DISCIPLINED EDUCATION

To educate disciplined children, it is necessary that we assume a series of basic ideas:

-We must assume our authority. But be careful, raising your voice, shouting, applying inflexible rules or severe punishments is not at all associated with authority. Having authority means that as parents, we have the responsibility – and the obligation – to educate people who have to live in society. People who understand the rules, who learn to be independent, take responsibilities and respect others. Our orders must be coherent and logical.

-Learn to set limits. They are essential when it comes to educating. Children should know what is right and what is wrong, what is expected of them in each situation and what they can and cannot do. If these limits are consistent and maintained over time, children will be able to assume them and will grow up understanding the rules. If they do not know where the limits are, we will educate young people with little resistance to frustration, people who are essentially unhappy and dissatisfied.

-Democratic education. It’s basic. All rules will have to be negotiated, also explaining their purpose. We must show closeness and understanding to children, so that they know that they will always be listened to, that their words are important and that our rules are intended to instruct them to teach them that the society in which they live is also, in turn, formed by norms. You have to give examples, establish open, fluid communication where there is no blackmail or double meanings.

We must be careful. Undisciplined children are sometimes the reflection of an erroneous, permissive and uninterested education. As parents, as educators, we understand that having children is a great responsibility.. It means making an effort and serving as a model, as guides towards a society in which we learn to be happy. And to be happy we must know how to respect, value, listen, give in, assume and undertake…. discipline teaches us all this.
Image courtesy Nicoletta Ceccoli