What irritates us in other people can reveal our true and hidden nature.

The famous psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Annoyance is nothing more than a milder form of anger. If there is no trigger inside you that causes irritation, then you will not feel it because of other people’s characteristics. After all, by criticizing another person’s qualities, you are showing the hidden side of your own nature.

O awesome.club decided to write this post about the two reasons people turn to criticism. Perhaps it will even help you better understand what is going on in your relationships. Check out!

From childhood we try hard to please others: parents, teachers, classmates, and in the future, co-workers. Because of this, we often unconsciously reject those characteristics of our personality that can be perceived negatively by other people, which can range from being overly emotional to jealousy or impulsiveness. However, these psychological traits do not disappear, but form a part of our psyche that is unknown even to ourselves – psychoanalysts call it the “shadow”.

A person denies the parts considered “bad” in himself, because doesn’t want to feel guilty about them or has a completely different image of themselves🇧🇷 And so transfers them to other people. Here are some examples of how this projection works:

A rude man accuses other people of rudeness. A man who cheats on his wife and suspects that she is cheating on him (as in the picture’s account). The mother scolds her daughter for repeating the meal for the second time, while she herself cannot resist the temptation to eat for the third time in a row. A boy unsure of himself recognizes vulnerability in another person and starts doing bullying with her, chasing her classmates. An acquaintance, who is clearly overweight, comments upon seeing him: “Wow, how you gained weight!” — even if you’ve only gained a mere 1.5 kg.

Usually, in these cases, the characteristic of the other person that causes irritation does exist. But thanks to the projection, it appears to be much larger or intense. That’s why that colleague who refuses to lend us a little money until the salary drops seems so greedy and selfish.

Irritation is a very subjective feeling. You may be irritated by a friend who is very laughing, while another friend of yours may find you to be a very charming and kind-hearted person. The fact is that – people who have characteristics that we lack, but that we would love to have, irritate us🇧🇷 Examples of reverse projection are as follows:

You don’t understand how to display healthy selfishness, so you’re always annoyed with people who can perfectly define the boundaries of their personal space. The boss comes to work at 6 am and leaves at 9 pm. All those who don’t want to work a few extra hours beyond their shift are considered by him as lazy and unable to bear the load of work. Surely he either wants people to work for free, or he just can’t rest. And secretly, he envies those who manage to make a living outside of work.

However, it is worth noting that our irritation is not always a reflection of our internal conflicts. Many, for example, get annoyed with other people who are talking on their cell phones in public places. The fact is, another person’s conversation distracts our attention from our own thoughts or actions, and ends up overloading our brain – we only hear half of the dialogue, so we can’t predict its development. Some people are also irritated by the feeling of uncertainty. If we are sure that some unpleasant situation will end soon, but we don’t know exactly when, we will end up taking all our anger out on one of the culprits for this problem.🇧🇷 And this is how a stranger or a colleague who, for example, has delayed the flow of work, ends up receiving numerous angry complaints.

In the foreground, you can understand the causes of your irritation and thus begin to fight that feeling. Or at least try to treat it more calmly.

Second, you can stop worrying so much about criticism. If you are accused of selfishness or rude behavior, don’t let it affect you, ignore the words of your accusers. Note: perhaps the person who accuses you also has his fault in the registry office.

And third, since projection also works with positive qualities, you can better understand your strengths. For example, you’ve always admired a friend’s musical talent. Think about it: maybe you have that talent yourself, and you just haven’t had the time until now to develop it. Make a list of qualities or skills that you admire in others or even envy, and think of methods by which you can develop them. This way, you not only overcome negative feelings, but also open up new opportunities for yourself.

How do you react to other people’s criticism? Do you agree with the psychologists’ opinion, or do you think that a criticism is nothing more than just a criticism? Tell us in the comments section.