What does it mean to be a resilient person? The true meaning

Today, in psychology, the concept of “resilience” is widespread. Everyone has heard this word and has a vague idea of ​​its meaning. Briefly explained, we could say that Resilience is the potential that human beings have to adapt and overcome traumas and difficulties.

There is a lot of confusion around this term. Many people, far from the real meaning of this quality, assimilate resilience with the idea of ​​denying the past and moving on as if nothing had happened. Something like eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel.

However, this attitude (many times an unconscious defense against the pain of the reality of the past), in addition to ignoring the origin of the emotional discomfort of the present, the only thing it achieves is pushing people, over and over again, to make the same mistakes Or fall into the same traps.

Being resilient is not about denying the past

The concept of “resilience” does not equate to constantly living in a positive way, running away from reality and not paying attention to real problems.

Many people who have suffered major traumas in their pastthey pretend to ignore them (I repeat, often unconsciously) and seek to wear “rose-colored” glasses, proclaiming how brilliant and wonderful everything is.

In the long run, This attitude of denial ends up causing them serious problems. By not having remedied it, their emotional discomfort continues to harm them in their present. No matter how much they try to ignore it, in one way or another, the denied pain continues to present itself in their lives.

Resilience: a path of learning and acceptance

true resilience comes from an internal analysis and a capacity for learning and overcoming the past.

Precisely, the work we do in therapy is to connect with the past to learn from it and heal what is necessary. The past must never be denied or forgotten. On the contrary, we have to take it out of the dark and put it on the table to be able to analyze it, understand what happened and obtain valuable conclusions for our present.

People who have suffered severe abuse in their childhood, for example, have a general reluctance to remember their stories. However, if they are not worked and released, they risk living their entire lives trapped in their past.

Vanessa was one of these people. Motherless since she was two years old, she idolized her father, who had raised her alone. According to what she told me in her first session, he had been the most important person in her life and, since he had died, she had not been able to raise her head.

Although he remembered that his father had once hit him, Vanessa had erased access to the worst beatings she’d ever taken. One of them, so serious, that he had ended up in the hospital with a broken arm.

The blows, insults and continuous emotional blackmail to which her father subjected her, for years, they undermined their self-esteem to the point of believing that she was clumsy, useless and that, without her father, she could not do anything in life, not even live. “You’re not worth anything like your mother, you’re not good for anything, luckily I’m here to take your chestnuts out of the fire” her father repeated to her, day after day.

Give voice to ourselves

Remembering her story, now as an adult, Vanessa was able to listen and give voice to her inner emotions, repressed by her father’s beatings. She was able to express how unfair and abusive the mistreatment received. Throughout her sessions, Vanessa was connecting with herself, getting rid of the enormous influence her father had on her.

In fact, even though his father had died several years ago, he told me that he still felt like a huge weight on his back. Thanks to his work in therapy, could be released of this weight to be able to look at herself and be more in touch with her true emotions. She too, she learned to value herself and defend herself from the abuse of others.

People who take advantage of their therapy and achieve this true resilience they are much more aware of themselves and their surroundings. They recognize the adversities that arise, but they do not allow themselves to be overwhelmed by them, but use all their abilities to overcome them.