What do you like most about him?

About two years ago, after much resistance to the idea, I started going to therapy. At the time I was living in a very complicated relationship, one of those that provide much more annoyances than joys, and I really didn’t know how to get out of it. My life and my ideas were messed up and I made this decision because I really felt like I needed to. In life it is always like this; you know: no one does anything except by will or necessity. These are the two engines of attitude. This is the reality.

Well then. As soon as I looked for the psychologist and started to report the problems in my relationship, she asked me, in the most natural way in the world, if I liked my boyfriend. I didn’t think twice, I was even a little offended by the question and answered a hasty “of course I do”. She didn’t even breathe and then suddenly replied: “What do you like about him?”. That’s when I caught myself silent.

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I was speechless, I stopped to think and in that brief reflection I realized that there was no quality in him that was really worth my affection. There was nothing about him that I genuinely admired. I realized that at another time I even liked the relationship a little bit, but that fell apart and at that moment there was nothing about him that I really liked. That’s where the chip dropped. That’s when I realized that affection is only delicious and genuine when it’s motivated.

Answering that question and stopping to reflect on all this was crucial for me to allow myself to undo that relationship that remained Freud knows why. It was only by stopping to think about the real qualities of the other that I became aware that sometimes we hold on to a fake affection that is more similar to an obsession and that, deep down, hardly has a good reason. It was only from that question that I became aware that affection is only healthy when it has a good reason.

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Since then, every time I find myself in relationships that are doing me more harm than good, I stop to think about that question. It is at these times that I try to get rid of all my emotion and cover myself with at least a little towel of reason to look for the real reasons for affection. It is at these times that I stop to think if the account closes. If it’s really worth it. If the relationship is pleasant and reciprocal. If affection really has a reason or is it just that silly enchantment of a naive girl.