Values ​​in the relationship

Starting from the basis that no two couples are the same, we are going to talk about what similarity in values ​​gives us in the relationship, how it makes it flow between the two in a healthy or non-toxic way. In fact, establishing specific values ​​in the relationship It can lay the foundations for a relationship to function properly.

What is a couple? The term couple can refer to a group of two people in a more or less formalized emotional relationship: courtship, marriage or de facto couple.

What are we referring to when we talk about values? Values ​​refer to those qualities or virtues that characterize a person, an action or an object. that are considered positive or of great importance by a social group.

In other words, Values ​​would be those qualities that stand out in each person and that, in turn, push them to act in one way or another. because they are part of their beliefs. Furthermore, they express their interests and condition their behaviors.

Values ​​in the relationship

In the study by Medina et al. (2005), in the semantic dimension of intimacy, it is observed that Both men and women look for someone with similar needs in their partner, compatible, with characteristics in common, related, with which identification is possible, with similar tastes.

From the instrumental theory of mate selection, the above is due to the fact that people We are looking for someone who has values ​​similar to our own (Centers, 1975). In this way, couples come together by identifying homogamous partners, that is, those who have similar social, economic and cultural characteristics (Rice, 1997).

And if we row together, in the same direction…

Rowing together in the same direction, determining the values ​​in the relationship, can lay the foundations for it to function properly or for it to improve. The behaviors and expectations that each individual has, in this case referring to the relationship, respond to social beliefs and values ​​transmitted through the socialization process to which they were subjected (Kaminsky, 1981).

The socialization process is transformative over time, since it causes values ​​and social norms to change, so it is expected that people’s beliefs and behaviors will also change (Díaz-Guerrero, 2003). Thus, the expectations, values ​​and behaviors in the couple’s relationship have changed (García-Meráz, 2007), managing to create new parameters, which are influenced and respond to the social situation in which the couple finds themselves (Snyder and Stukas , 1999).

Working for adequate values ​​in the relationship

Establishing values ​​in the relationship is an objective that requires joint work. As we said at the beginning, each couple is unique and, therefore, so are the values ​​that make it up.

However, we can talk about Some basic values ​​that most couples agree on. We talk about values ​​such as love, fidelity, mutual support, generosity, mutual respect and communication. Below, we will describe each of them.

Love

There are many types of love, but all tied together under the same common thread. Telling someone “I love you” is not the same as saying “I want you.”

Such sequences, close and distant, unite a series of phenomena that range from falling in love to established love, and from there, to coexistence. It is the surprise of discover another person and fall in love, to achieve a stable formula, lasting and persistent.

Fidelity

Fidelity will depend on the type of agreement previously established. Each couple establishes a type of commitment. There are exclusively monogamous couples, others not. The matter seems clear, if the pacts are fulfilled, there is fidelity. When they are not met, there is a trap.

Support

Being able to rely on another person, counting on them not to fail you and to protect your interests. It is a feeling that makes us braver, less vulnerable. This is a plus point for dealing with adversity. It is about empathizing with our partner, trying to understand the other more and better, expressing acceptance and unconditional support.

Generosity

It may seem strange, but Sometimes selfishness in the couple takes precedence over generosity. There are those who find it difficult to be generous with their partners and only know how to ask or look to themselves (“I need”, “I want”, “I would like to”), which generates negative feelings.

However, being in a relationship is something more. The best way to be generous with your partner is to not think exclusively about yourself, it is to put yourself in the other’s place, trying to understand their point of view, even if sometimes we do not share it.

I respect

Building a relationship based on mutual respect is an essential value. In this point, the members of the couple have to be on the same level.

It is about offering a space in the relationship on an individual level and a space for both of us. We also talk about respect when we accept the other person in their entirety, without trying to change them.

Communication

It would be good to establish assertive and fluid communication that generates trust. The so-called assertive communication is defined by Satir (1988) as the ability to express oneself in a direct, honest and respectful way.

In any case, open communication channels between the couple It would mean that both people assume the commitment to share what corresponds to a bond, that is, disagreements, achievements, common goals, needs, etc., or develop the willingness to learn to do so. Good communication is reflected in healthy bonds, mutual respect, affection, affection and companionship.

Optimism

Although it may seem that the feeling that everything is going to go well with the couple is the result of the performance of each of the members, the truth is that a basic and shared optimism also plays a role in the matter. That is to say, when things are going well for a couple, it is not just about both of them doing well.

In this sense, When people in a relationship face adversity with optimism and confidence that they can overcome it, an effect is produced that facilitates this same resolution. That is why seeing the good side of things always helps strengthen the relationship.

As you can see, the values ​​in the relationship are the basis that supports its durability and the well-being of the members within it. It is worth reviewing them from time to time to ensure that they have been internalized and are being applied to one’s own experience.

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