Triangle of change: how to express yourself from an “open heart”

The change triangle – created by psychologist Hilary Jacobs Hendel – is a model for managing emotions in a more appropriate way. With its use, and The objective is to connect with the most authentic emotions and, in this way, achieve a state of greater integration and internal relaxation.

Thus, it was born to cover a need: it is not always possible to recognize emotions correctly. Sometimes after a feeling of sadness , what there is is repressed anger. On the other hand, extreme and blind optimism can mask a state of anxiety. The triangle of change helps to specify what we really feel to address it in a constructive way.

The triangle of change is made up of three edges: defenses, inhibitions and essential emotions . What we seek is to identify which of these categories our emotions are predominantly assigned to at each moment.

The goal is to reach a state that Jacobs calls “open heart.” In it, there is a real connection with essential emotions and greater clarity to live.

Defenses and the triangle of change

The first edge of the triangle of change is made up of the defenses, which They are defined as constructs of the mind to protect a person from intense emotions or emotional pain . The purpose is to avoid feelings that may be overwhelming or difficult to control.

Many people prevent their feelings from coming out. . Sometimes this is positive, since there are situations that require a cool head, such as in moments of crisis or great excitement. The problem appears when this becomes a habitual behavior, in which there is fear of feelings: these are identified as an expression of vulnerability.

That is when defenses begin to operate to minimize, cover up or distort what we feel. . This, in the long run, can lead to great confusion or emotional problems. The most common defenses are the following:

Stay silent when you want to talk.
Change topic.
Worrying, being too perfectionistic or too critical.
Procrastinate, avoid eye contact and victimize yourself.
Criticize, judge and be intolerant.
Falling into addictions, being obsessive and arrogant.
Kidding.

We all use defenses from time to time. There are difficulties if these defenses become systematic and they become a common response to any situation that generates nervousness, insecurity or fear.

The inhibitions

Inhibiting emotions are the second edge of the triangle of change. They include shame, guilt and anxiety. They fulfill a similar function to that of defenses; That is, covering up true feelings for fear of generating conflict, of being overwhelmed or of generating lack of control.

These types of emotions also contribute to achieving another objective through an erroneous means: avoid difficulties with the groups and people we love or need. The means or route chosen in these cases is to repress the feelings that may generate conflict or disapproval.

The opposite also occurs: Sometimes, certain emotions are highlighted because they are the means to maintain a bond in the terms in which it has been adopted.. For example, when someone can only express his annoyance by crying or gets angry with others if he feels guilty in front of them.

The essential emotions

The final objective of the triangle of change is to identify the essential emotions, which make up the third edge. Thus, We are in a position to change our coping strategies for others that are much more effective in the long term.especially when establishing them as a routine.

The central, genuine or essential emotions are: fear, sadness, anger, joy, exultation, sexual excitement and disgust. It must be taken into account that these are configured in a matter of seconds and that reason moves at a much slower speed. Likewise, each of these feelings has physical manifestations.

So, behind every defense or inhibition, there is an essential emotion that has been obstructed for some reason. . The objective of the triangle of change is to decant or purify what one feels, to rediscover the path that leads to what is most genuine in the heart. In this way, one can, for example, understand that shame is fear of rejection, or that so much perfectionism is a way of expressing anger.

Letting emotions flow freely is a way to connect more with ourselves and with others. Authenticity is also contagious and results in more sincere, deeper and clearer relationships. All of this, together, provides us with a higher level of mental health.

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