This is why some people should NOT forgive a betrayal

In statements to the newspaper ‘El País’, sexologists José Bustamante and Emma Placer say that forgiveness on the part of the person who has been betrayed is often dependent on several factors. If by any chance you are feeling the taste of betrayal, here is what you should consider when forgiving (or not forgiving) your better half:

If the betrayal was made public

Generally speaking, a woman forgives more easily than a man. According to José Bustamante, male resistance to putting behind a betrayal depends largely on the number of people who have become aware of the infidelity. But why? Largely due to the social stigma of “horn”.

“It has everything to do with the criterion of masculinity, which is more offended, especially if infidelity transcends the social circle”, he explains. “When infidelity has stayed between the couple, then there are more men who decide to forgive, even though they are still in the minority.”

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The concept of infidelity

If for some people a simple kiss can be considered infidelity, for others the notion of betrayal is associated with emotional bonds or sexual contact established with a person outside the relationship. “There is no global definition of what infidelity is. In consultation, different profiles are presented, people who feel betrayed and deceived by the fact that their partners have an affective-sexual cybernetic relationship, despite never having had physical contact, and for others, betrayal comes from sexual ejaculation itself”, says sexologist Emma Placer.

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The effect that infidelity has on a personal level

In the case of a betrayal, the betrayed person’s self-esteem and confidence are almost always affected and it is necessary to make an assessment on the subject before making any decision. “For many people, infidelity appears as one of the worst things that the partner could do to us, overcoming the lack of respect but never the aggression”, says José Bustamante, stressing that in addition to this “the dynamics of the relationship” is also affected not being something easy to redo from one day to the next.

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If the traitor was caught red-handed

“In cases where the other is caught red-handed, it is very difficult to get these images out of our head, and it is necessary to do intense work to achieve recovery”, says Emma Placer, who makes a point of praising the following:

For someone to discover that they are being betrayed, it is necessary that that same person also ends up committing a kind of betrayal. “Almost 90% of infidelities are discovered on social media or instant messages, which turns out to be a double betrayal: whoever discovers that they are being cheated also invaded their partner’s intimacy by spying on the phone or computer.”

Conclusion

Although many couples believe that it is not possible to forgive a betrayal, the truth is that there are those who do it brilliantly. The important thing is to seek help from a sexologist or therapist who helps the betrayed party in the recovery process, who helps to understand the motivations that led to the betrayal and guide the couple in building a new relationship.

“It is curious, but there are many couples who, despite the pain, do things well and recognize that they are much better now than before the emotional tsunami of infidelity”, concludes Bustamante.