This is how narcissists punish in relationships

The way narcissists punish in relationships is skillful and destructive. They are like sharks looking for the right moment to attack. You won’t always see them coming, but when the level of anger accumulated in these figures is high, sooner or later they will carry out their revenge. And the effects are usually very harmful.

Among the tactics they apply are the silent treatment, the tricks of manipulation or discarding. Sometimes, yes, they can demonstrate more aggressive behavior, capable of leaving a traumatic mark on you. In the following reading we provide you with a list of these strategies so that you react in time. Your emotional well-being depends on it.

Ways in which narcissists punish in relationships

From a clinical point of view, society overuses the label “narcissism.” However, it is also evidence that There are people who have this personality disorder and the cost it leaves at a relational level is immense. An example of this is what is highlighted in the journal Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation.

A person with high narcissistic traits is someone who is arrogant, envious, requires constant admiration and has low empathy. It’s more, If there is something that defines this profile, it is the poor regulation of negatively valenced emotions. If he feels humiliated, he will apply a series of very cold mechanisms to punish you. We describe them below.

1. Constant devaluation

The narcissist may have criticized and belittled you before. However, when he feels offended by something, he will not hesitate to start a campaign of persistent humiliation. Keep in mind that they are very skilled with words. They will not hesitate to use sarcasm and the most harmful irony to belittle you. in a thousand different ways.

How to protect yourself?

The way narcissists punish in relationships is based on constant boycotting. Their purpose, after being angry, is to diminish you, to steal your dignity in order to regain their power. The most appropriate thing in these cases is to remember that you are dealing with a psychological abuser. Take note of some key actions:

Don’t give truth to their words. Avoid confrontation or you will intensify their anger. Remember who you are and maintain self-love. Don’t personalize what they say. That person is not you.

2. Psychological manipulation

Narcissists are clever experts at manipulating your emotions and perceptions to punish you and have control over you. For this purpose, They will undervalue your needs, make you doubt yourself and compare you to others. The goal is the same as always: to turn you into a fragile and submissive person.

How to protect yourself?

When it comes to protecting yourself from a narcissistic partner, it will be very useful to apply the gray stone technique.. It consists of ignoring what they express, of not giving value to their words. The goal is to demonstrate emotional coldness toward their behavior and pretend you don’t care about them. It involves being tough as a rock.

3. Triangulation

Among the ways in which narcissists punish in relationships is triangulation. It is a very cruel way of getting revenge and taking out his frustration on you. For it, They will use a third person in order to turn them against you. They will try to make it someone very close to you, like a friend. And be careful, because they will use lies to achieve it.

How to protect yourself?

The first thing is to recognize that you are a victim of triangulation. This involves understanding that your partner is trying to manipulate you using third parties. Something like this will cause you great suffering, there is no doubt. Now, the most important thing is to maintain serenity and understand that, to safeguard your mental health, you must distance yourself from the narcissist.

In these contexts it is essential to have the support of your environment. Feeling protected and validated will prevent you from collapsing when you see how your partner uses other figures to hurt you as punishment.

4. Projection of blame

If you have offended your narcissistic partner, he or she will seek to make you feel guilty. And it will do so through classic psychological projection. This is a tactic that, at the same time, serves as a defense mechanism. Instead of taking responsibility for what was committed, he seeks to punish you at all costs through sophisticated resources. They are the following:

They will play the victim. They will try to make you feel sorry for them. They will make you feel ashamed for how you offended them. They will distort your reality to make you feel guilty. They will persistently hold you responsible for their suffering.

How to protect yourself?

Keep a cool head and don’t lose your sense of reality. Write in a notebook the verbal attacks and arguments that the narcissist uses to project the weight of guilt onto you. Analyze them well and you will realize that they make no sense. Along with these arguments, write a text that reminds you of your strengths, your virtues and your values.

5. Narcissistic anger

When a narcissist’s sense of self is violated, he or she may react with anger. A work published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology illustrates this theme, describing the emergence of an explosive mixture of hostility, fueled by suspicion, dejection, and angry reflection. The ways in which it manifests are the following:

They hit things in behavioral outbursts. They lead to passive-aggressive behaviors. They resort, in certain cases, to insults or physical violence. They use offensive language supported by insults and/or threats.

How to protect yourself?

The anger of a narcissist is the most dangerous side of these figures. He understands that these types of emotional ties are unhealthy and put your physical and psychological well-being at risk. When you witness these reactions, distance yourself. Walk away and seek the support of a close person. Explain your situation and consider separating yourself from the narcissist.

6. The silent treatment

If you’re wondering how narcissists punish, keep this dynamic in mind. Instead of assertively expressing your anger through open, mature communication, some may withdraw and stop talking to the person they are angry with. Deliberately ignoring you and not responding to you is an attitude that can last for days or weeks.

How to protect yourself?

Keep in mind that stopping talking to someone as a form of punishment is a clear manipulative resource. Suffering from this behavior is useless, because it is what they seek; make you feel bad. Remember that the pillar of every healthy relationship starts with good communication. If the other figure vetoes this possibility, makes it difficult and turns it into a type of aggression, that link is not legal.

To protect yourself from this behavior, avoid giving it importance. Don’t apologize or your self-esteem will be more fragmented. As they point out in the Journal of Research in Personality, your view of the narcissist will not improve over time. These people don’t change and won’t treat you better next time, even if they promise you.

7. Passive-aggressive revenge

If you are in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, be aware that they are personalities prone to revenge. If you have felt offended by something you said or did, count on the fact that, at some point, he will return the affront. The strategies you will use to carry it out can be very varied:

InfidelitiesDefame and slanderDestroy your personal belongingsTake control of financesInitiate false complaints against yourselfMake your children against youTry the same thing with your friends and/or family

How to protect yourself?

Narcissistic revenge techniques are, in certain cases, serious. Such behavior should be reason enough to set limits, seek social support, and break the bond. Keep in mind that these are very destructive actions for your mental health. While he may apologize for it later, you need to be firm and walk away.

8. Narcissistic discard

Narcissistic discard appears when they choose to end the relationship abruptly and without prior notice. They carry it out in a cold, insensitive manner and without consideration for the other person’s feelings or needs. In other cases they may threaten to do so if you do not change your attitude and behavior about it.

How to protect yourself?

The ways in which narcissists punish in relationships have a lot to do with this dynamic. They abandon you and then come back asking for forgiveness. They threaten to leave you so you can be more manageable and not challenge them. As explained in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, these figures exercise great power in the relationship.

The idea of ​​your partner leaving you may terrify you. The dependency and love you feel, despite everything, makes a breakup something you can’t conceive yet. However, it is a step that you will take in the future. In this situation The closeness of your loved ones will help you and start psychological therapy. They will give you resources to make the best decision about your well-being.

Punishment, a trigger to put distance from the narcissist

If you were wondering how narcissists punish, we will tell you something very simple: they destroy everything you are. They blur your values, fragment your identity, blur your self-esteem and brainwash you. But The problem is that, when they are dominated by anger, their behavior becomes more aggressive. Also dangerous.

The appearance of these dynamics should be reason enough to distance ourselves. However, we know that this is not always a simple step. If you still don’t feel ready, always have a friendly figure to whom you can explain how you feel. In this way, they will give you a more realistic perspective of what is happening to you so that, when you decide, you can take the step.

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