There are no toxic people, there are toxic behaviors

The idea that there are “toxic people” has spread. In fact, the adjective “toxic” is now very easily applied to anyone who has relational difficulties. In one way or another it has served to exacerbate intolerance. That’s why, It is time to clarify that in reality there are no people toxic, but toxic behaviors.

No human being can be reduced to such a general classification as “good” or “bad.” Nor, of course, to such a negative adjective as “toxic”. People, like life, are changeable. There are times when wrong or destructive behaviors are allowed to emerge. You can even stay in them for a long time. However, this does not mean that they are toxic in and of themselves. Nobody is and that word cannot be used to describe anyone’s essence.

Anyone can engage in toxic behavior. but this does not imply that he manifests it throughout his life. Behavior can be redirected and transformed into constructive ones. In any case, it is not a “pestilence” to stay away from, but rather an indication that the person is in trouble and, therefore, is not aware of the damage they do and do to themselves.

What toxic behaviors are like

Toxic behaviors mask insecurity and low self-esteem. At the same time, they present narcissistic characteristics that compensate for their lack of self-love. Furthermore, they are usually accompanied by erroneous beliefs, which give false support to that way of acting.

So, The main characteristics of toxic behaviors are:

They express a desire of control. There is a strong need to control the people you love. Know everything about them. Where they are, with whom, what they do. It also manifests itself as a permanent interest in interfering or influencing their way of being and acting.They use manipulation emotional. It is common for toxic behaviors to use blackmail as a means to get the other person to do what that person wants.They try to despise and blame. Toxic verbal behaviors emphatically point out the errors and gaps of others. Furthermore, they seek to avoid individual responsibility and blame others.They mask envy and jealousy. Toxic behaviors prevent the triumphs of others from being celebrated. The independence and achievements of others are seen as a threat.

What to do about toxic behaviors?

Toxic behaviors cannot be taken as something general, applicable to anyone who presents one or more of the characteristics indicated. There are always degrees, levels and contexts. It’s true that in some cases, toxic behaviors are too ingrained. In these conditions, there is no alternative but to distance yourself.. But this does not mean that the other should be segregated. It is important to make him see that the cause of the distancing is his destructive behavior.

We are constantly exposed to contradictions in the relationships we have with others. It is true that a balance can be achieved, but it hardly occurs naturally. It is usually only achieved after a good number of ups and downs. Everyone brings voids, fractures and inconsistencies to their relationships. It is not reasonable to avoid all this, but to manage and balance it.

Dialogue will always be the privileged way to build meeting points. When a person does not have toxic behaviors, they have the ability to help those who do have them see them.. It also manages to set limits on attempts at control and invasive behaviors. If you allow them, if you promote them, tolerate them or silence them, it means that you are also within the same logic. That is, within a destructive logic.

The best way to help someone who has toxic behaviors is to not allow them.. Every link has rules of the game, partly explicit and partly implicit. Neither one nor the other should be allowed to tolerate manipulation, contempt and any other behavior that degrades or instrumentalizes the other. What we must eradicate are toxic behaviors, not the people who manifest them.

You might be interested…