The wound of humiliation: how does it manifest itself in your life?

Do you feel ashamed of your body, your appearance or your manners? Do you choose partners who humiliate you? Do you feel guilty for indulging in certain pleasures? Do you do everything for others and they never appreciate it? Then, possibly, you carry the wound of humiliation.

This is one of the childhood wounds described by Canadian author Lise Bourbeau in her wonderful book The five wounds that prevent you from being yourself. In fact, it is the most difficult to recognize. Therefore, it is likely that on a first reading you will not feel identified with its description or you will not allow yourself to identify it. However, once you become aware of what is happening and decide to heal, everything will change profoundly.

What are childhood injuries?

The five childhood wounds describe emotional impacts that we experience in the first experiences with parents and that we did not know how to process. In interacting with them we expect unconditional love and acceptance, but this is practically impossible to happen all the time.

Thus, words, acts or attitudes of the parents impact the child, whose childish mind does not yet have the resources to face what happens. Thus, A “mask” is created, which is nothing more than a defense mechanism that allows you to survive emotionally.

This mask includes a set of beliefs, interpretations and patterns of behavior that are put into action when experiencing similar situations to those who triggered it in the first place. The problem is that, over time, this mask stops being functional. As adults we already have personal tools to face life, but we continue to rekindle that initial childhood wound and activate defenses that no longer serve us.

The wound of humiliation is born when the child feels that his parents (only one) are ashamed of him.

The origin of the humiliation wound

In the case of the humiliation wound, this usually arises between the first and third year of life, when the child acquires a certain autonomy over his or her body by learning to eat, walk or go to the bathroom. In one or more situations, the infant felt humiliated by his parents, ashamed, compared or criticized. For example, if by soiling his clothes, urinating on himself or acting with the lack of control typical of a child, he was ridiculed, repressed or labeled as dirty or unworthy.

It is worth mentioning that It is not so much what happened, but how the child perceived it that opens the wound. Thus, faced with this emotional impact, shame, guilt, anger or submission are activated; elements that are part of the masochist’s mask. It will then be this mask that will guide the person’s interpretations and behaviors, even influencing their adult relationships.

How does it manifest?

There are various aspects that we can look at to know if we are carrying this wound. Below we name some of the most relevant:

You feel that suffering is a constant in your life. Everything costs you a lot of work and the results are not usually positive. Furthermore, it is difficult for you to imagine yourself enjoying what you really want.You feel ashamed of yourself or other people frequently. You tend to find yourself involved in situations that make you feel ridiculous or choose partners who tend to humiliate or belittle you.You don’t like to go fast, but you don’t allow yourself to go at your own pace either. You feel ashamed for not being able to reach others. You give yourself too much to others. You do everything for others, even leaving aside your own wants and needs. Deep down, you hope that your work will be recognized and appreciated, but this never happens; On the contrary, others tend to take advantage of you or go over your head.You are a shy, insecure and indecisive person. You worry about what others think of you, especially your parents, whom you always try to please.You are a hypersensitive person who is easily hurt.. Criticism affects you excessively and you do not know how to manage it. You feel responsible for the happiness of others and you take charge of matters that do not concern you. Sometimes you feel like you’re carrying too much on your shoulders, but you can’t help it.You may have sexual problems related to shame and difficulty allowing yourself pleasure. Maybe you view sexuality as something dirty or something you’re not worthy of.You tend to compensate for your negative emotions with food, especially with sweet and processed foods. This is a reward and a consolation for you; However, you are embarrassed that others see you eat and you feel guilty for doing so. The author also points out that people with the humiliation wound They usually have large, round bodies. Thus, his figure and his overweight are nothing more than another reason to feel and be ridiculed.

The wound of humiliation is the most difficult to recognize.

Heal the wound of humiliation

Like the other wounds, that of humiliation can be healed if the person, now an adult, becomes aware of their damage and their mask. This is not easy, because it is painful to accept that one has felt ridiculed by others and by oneself; However, it is an essential first step.

From here, the person must change their habits: start listen to and attend to their needs and stop burdening other people’s lives; Adopting a positive internal dialogue in which you do not compare or humiliate yourself and allowing yourself to be without imposing excessive limits on yourself are some crucial points.

In this process it can be useful to have a therapist. This can help you identify the source of the wound and guide you through the process of removing the mask. So, if you have identified with the above, do not hesitate to seek help.

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