The value of saying no (Assertiveness)

Many of us become committed to issues or situations that we do not really want to carry out.. We have thought about it, we have it on the tip of our tongue and when the time comes to respond it is impossible for us to say NO. Follow these tips and learn to avoid what you don’t want to do.

“If you have to say YES, say it with an open heart. If you have to say NO, say it without fear.”

-Paulo Coelho-

Why is it so difficult for us to say NO?

Unfortunately, in our culture we have not learned to ask for or prioritize what we want.. Part of what we have been taught is to have a passive attitude that leads us to accept almost anything that is asked or suggested to us, regardless of whether we agree or not.

We believe that if we refuse we will be considered uneducated or even bad people. And it certainly can be so, since it is a matter of cultural ideology.

This leads us to accept many situations that we really do not want in order to feel loved and accepted. The problem is that we have a great fear of being alienated or sections. This is why we do not allow ourselves to give too many refusals, even if they are totally justified.

The steps to say NO

1. Find your limits. The first thing you need is to understand your needs, desires and limits. With this you will learn what you are willing to accept and identify when to say NO.

Read Also: Mindfulness: how to regain mental control with 5 practical exercises

2. Take your time before responding. Don’t be in a hurry to give your answers. It may be that at first you feel forced to accept and that when you think about the situation better you realize that you can refuse without problems. Plus, by taking your time you can find a polite way to say no without feeling guilty.

3. Practice saying NO whenever you can. Because we are afraid to say no, we may try to avoid such situations. Don’t do it, it’s a mistake. Whenever you have the opportunity and you don’t really want to do what they ask of you, just do it. With time and practice you will realize that these refusals will not destroy your world or your interpersonal relationships.

4. Find alternatives. An option that will help you not accept what you don’t want is to give an alternative that you like. For example, if a friend invites you to a party where you know you will be uncomfortable, you can refuse and suggest going out for coffee another day. This way the friendship is not affected and you avoid the awkward situation.

5. Reward yourself. Learn to reward yourself when you’ve finally learned to say NO without feeling guilty. Every small progress is important and valuable to you, so you must learn to give them the real value they have.

6. Stay strong. It is not enough to learn to say NO if you later agree to do what you do not want. It is very important that you learn to stand firm and not allow yourself to be manipulated by negative comments or attitudes.

The value of saying NO

Sometimes we may feel uncomfortable saying no, but learning to say NO can free us. It may not seem like it, but many times we take care of things that are not really ours and that should not keep us up at night.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t get caught up in dogma, which is living how others think you should live. Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions silence your own inner voice. And, most importantly, have the courage to do what your heart and intuition tell you.”

-Steve Jobs-