The storm of deception: when trust is broken

Trust is like a fragile and transparent glass bridge that elevates our lives. It probably took us a long time and a lot of effort to build it, so it is a more than precious asset. However, even though it deserves so much work and brings so much joy, trust is usually destroyed in just a few seconds by our carelessness, our selfishness, and our self-interested attitudes.

When a feeling as important as trust is broken, something inside us dies. This happens because lies call into question a thousand truths, making us question even the experiences that we thought were the most frank. A popular saying states that a drop of lies contaminates a sea of truths. Even though it is just a lie, that lie has the potential to make us question everything we have been told.

The lie has very short legs and very long arms

Although lies can reach unsuspected limits, the truth always ends up transcending. As they say, a liar is caught sooner than a lame person, because his words and his actions do not stand. It should be remembered that to lie you need to have a good memory. Lying is very draining, but above all, it destroys friendships and ourselves.

In any case, the fact that everything falls under its own weight does not mean that the blow will not be spectacular and painful. In fact, the normal thing is that precisely the opposite occurs and that Lies and betrayal represent a before and after in our lives.

“A bird perched on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not in the branch…. If not on their own wings…”

Responsibility for betrayal

It is common to hear that “If they betray you once, it’s the other person’s fault, but if they betray you twice, it’s your fault.”. The truth is that this statement is not without reason, but we must take it with a grain of salt.

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The idea is to learn from our mistakes and not repeat our failures, but ultimately We should never feel guilty about being cheated on. How are we going to be responsible for what others do? It’s crazy. If someone lies to us, the responsibility lies with the person who lies, not ours. Despite this, it is true that we can feel sad, but it is important not to feel guilty because we have not done anything. Well yes, trust, and trust is a beautiful gesture that unites people in a wonderful way.

However, it is likely that this has tormented us on more than one occasion, making us feel stupid for having fallen into someone’s trap. “who was coming”. In this sense, It is very easy to connect the dots when the house has already fallen and been torn apart. However, it is not always easy to see the lie coming. We put all our good intentions into the friendship relationship and nothing has to make us suspect that a lie exists or one is on the horizon.

We are neither fortune tellers nor are we infallible. Furthermore, others are not perfect either and in some cases we have to consider that Good people also make mistakes, so you also have to be open to forgiving. Who has not ever lied? It is true that there are different degrees of the severity of lies, but surely we have all done them at some point and were convinced that we were right to do so.

“After a while you will learn that the sun burns if you expose yourself too much. You will even accept that good people could hurt you sometimes and you will need to forgive them. You learn that talking can ease the pain of the soul…. You will discover that it takes years to build trust and just a few seconds to destroy it and that you too can do things that you will regret for the rest of your life.”

-William Shakespeare-

The emotional wound of betrayal

Ingratitude and betrayal hurt us especially when they affect the people we love and have around us, like our partner, our friends or our family. When this happens, rage, helplessness and anger begin to act, causing us to lose our temper.

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It is also very painful (and unfortunately all too common) that someone does something for us hoping only to receive something more from us. This type of betrayal breaks our schemes and plunges our emotional world into true chaos.

However, although deception hurts us deep in our hearts, it does not make much sense that because we have been hurt we change our way of being and behave badly towards other people out of revenge or spite.

Incredible as it may seem, this reaction is quite common when the “emotional wound” It is open and infected. In the same way, because we have been played, we do not have to wear armor in front of all the people around us. It is enough for us to protect ourselves against the traitor. Trust in others should not depend on a single person lying to us. The fact that someone, in isolation, has betrayed us, is not synonymous with other people doing so. Thus, as defended from psychology, it is better not to generalize.

How to overcome lies, betrayal and deception

Security, openness, honesty and loyalty in our relationships are a basic pillar to maintain our growth. However, doubts, suspicion and falsehood only hurt us, burn us and poison us. A good way to overcome deception is to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and try to understand the reason for their action. Why did he do it? Would we have done the same in his situation? Let’s think about it!

In addition, Although mistrust drives deep thorns inside us, we can all overcome it. It is normal for doubt to grow in these situations and with it distrust, but this should not constitute an opportunity to distrust others. If we anchor ourselves in the betrayal, we run the risk of not appreciating what the other person can try to do to restore trust.

In other words, since it is likely that we will encounter this undesirable situation on more than one occasion, we must understand that it is an opportunity to grow as people and choose better the people we surround ourselves with.