The silent treatment, a disguised form of psychological abuse

The famous silent treatment is a resource widely used by people who apparently enjoy great self-control and presume to be rational rather than intuitive. At the same time, it corresponds not only to an expression of passive violence, but also to a disguised mechanism of psychological abuse. This means that it deeply damages the person on whom it is applied.

This set of behaviors that aim to ignore is called the silent treatment. the other. In other words, it is the conscious and deliberate act of suspending communication with the other person, or doing so in a minimal and mechanized way.

It occurs in all types of relationships: couples, friends, parents and children, family members, etc. It implies the existence of a prior conflict. However, on some occasions, the victim of this type of behavior ignores said conflict, precisely because the other has not expressed it openly.

The silent treatment corresponds to actions such as stopping talking to someone, not taking into account what the other person says or pretending. that he is not heard; distance yourself and avoid the company of a certain person, as if they were infected with something; ignore express requests or needs and carry out any conduct that aims to annul or make someone invisible.

Why would anyone want to use the silent treatment?

These types of behaviors are quite harmful. Not only do they denote immaturity, meanness and lack of emotional intelligence, but they can also cause serious effects on others. They constitute an attempt to control and harass others and do not represent anything positive for a relationship.

Other times it consists of a form of punishment towards the other person. When anger and conflict are not managed well, we tend to want to hurt others and take revenge instead of using self-control and focusing on solutions.

It is also a way to get attention. It is infantile behavior, since the person ignores their loved one while worrying about being present in their focus of attention.

How the law of ice manifests itself

What are the ways in which the action of ignoring the other is revealed? The psychologist María Esclapez, specialist in couples therapy and clinical sexology, lists some of the most common ways:

The silent treatment can cause emotional stress and trauma

The person to whom another applies the silent treatment may experience feelings very intense negatives. He thinks that ignoring someone is devaluing them and even canceling them out. Furthermore, this becomes more unhealthy when everything occurs within the framework of a harsh and crude silence, which the victim ultimately does not know how to interpret.

Those who are ignored eventually become immersed in feelings of sadness that sometimes turn into depression.. According to one study, people who regularly feel ignored also report lower levels of self-esteem, belonging, and meaning in their lives. You also feel anger, fear and guilt. Ignoring a person is a way of pointing the finger at them, of accusing them, but implicitly. That is precisely what makes this mechanism an unhealthy way to deal with a conflict.

The victim of this type of behavior is also often filled with anguish.. He doesn’t quite know what he’s doing wrong or why exactly he’s being treated this way. You experience the situation as if you had lost control and this causes severe stress. Hence, it is considered a form of abuse in which there is no shouting or hitting, but there is a lot of violence.

The silent treatment also generates physical effects

There are studies that prove that the feeling of being excluded or ignored leads to some changes in the brain. There is an area called the anterior cingulate cortex, whose function is to detect different levels of pain in humans. Well, it was proven that this zone is activated when someone is subjected to the silent treatment.

The result of this is that physical symptoms also begin to appear. Headaches and digestive problems are common.. The appearance of insomnia and fatigue is also common. If the situation is very severe and continues, more serious problems arise, such as increased blood pressure, diabetes and even diseases such as cancer.

The autoimmune system is also affected, mainly due to the high doses of stress caused by this situation.. The consequences are more serious when the person applying the silent treatment is a figure of power, be it a teacher, a parent or a director.

How to handle the silent treatment

To get out of this type of situation, keep in mind the following recommendations:

Avoid showing a reaction: consider the silent treatment as a go-ahead to reflect. Don’t show anger, don’t passive aggressively force the person to talk to you, and don’t provoke an argument. Just give her and you some space until things calm down. When you are around the person, strive to appear relaxed and positive. Don’t reveal that their behavior affects you, even if it does. Ask for time to discuss the matter: People who follow the silent treatment basically send signals about what they need because they can’t communicate their needs effectively. Take the easy route and do what they can’t do: choose a time to talk about it like adults. Try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view: keep in mind that communication is reciprocal. If your loved one feels the need to avoid you or prevent all communication, they must feel hurt. Try to empathize with that person and see things from their perspective. Identify your role during the silent treatment: Once you have gained some space for yourself, you can use this time to consider how to roleplay in this situation. This doesn’t mean you should blame yourself, but rather give yourself the power to recognize and change the communication patterns that could be leading you to this point. Reduce anger to avoid making the situation worse: Feeling that someone is manipulating you can make you angry, which can fuel an unhelpful interaction into dangerous territory. Recognize the fact that showing anger will not be productive for your relationship. Use the space you get during the silent treatment to mitigate any negative emotions you feel. Set personal boundaries: When you effectively set boundaries in your relationships, you increase the chances of living by your values. Whether the person giving the silent treatment is a parent, a best friend, or a partner, you can set personal boundaries to prevent a toxic relationship pattern from hurting your feelings. Take care of yourself: Whether the person wants to hurt you , being the one who gets the cold shoulder doesn’t feel good. Spend some time doing things that relax you and make you smile to counteract the negative effects of silent treatment.

Learn to overcome these types of situations

Sometimes the silent treatment is applied between two people who are very fond of each other, such as members of a couple, great friends, siblings, etc. Some think that by imposing this regime the other will change some behavior or will make the other do what they want them to do. They consider it almost an educational tool. However, they are very wrong. Ignoring others as a form of punishment only destroys relationships.

Like many tactics, ultimately defensive and fruits of insecurity, this one reveals poor communication management.. Silence is healthy when there is a lot of excitement and it is necessary to pause before aggravating what is happening. However, when it is used as a means of control or punishment it becomes abuse.

No one should passively allow themselves to be ignored by another, at least not without having an explanation for their behavior. Nor should anyone try to resolve a conflict through the silent treatment. When there is a problem between two human beings, the only healthy thing is to find a way to dialogue to find solutions.. Silence and distance only generate more misunderstandings and, in the end, solve absolutely nothing.

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