The benefits of empathetic communication

Communicating effectively is not that simple. Assumptions and misunderstandings abound more than clear messages and precise interpretations. That’s why, Marshall Rosenberg developed empathic communicationalso known as non-violent (NVC).

This tool was born with the intention of providing the necessary skills to relate in a more collaborative way and in harmony with our values. Thus, in addition to avoiding possible conflicts and misunderstandings, it allows us to resolve them emotionally and rationally, abandoning more traditional ways. Empathic communication aims to help us maintain active listening based on mutual understanding.

Assertive personality

Assertiveness is the midpoint between passivity and aggressiveness. A skill that allows you to express personal opinions, respect others and also set limits. Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg encourages us to put it into practice to improve our relationships.

One of the most common traits in assertive people is affection they feel toward other people’s defects. That is, they do not criticize them, nor do they feel neglect or indifference towards them, but rather they embrace them to understand them. Hence, assertiveness is a main aspect of empathic or non-violent communication.

Contributions of empathic communication

Empathy, that ability to put yourself in the other’s shoes, is also part of this type of communication.. In addition to mastering verbal and non-verbal language, both your own and that of others.

Empathic communication aims to establish a sincere and authentic relationship between sender and receiver. Thus, some of its great benefits are the following.

Creating satisfying personal relationships

Empathic communication focuses on the expression of a concise, precise and rigorous message. that contributes to a better understanding. This, in turn, leaves less room for criticism and more for effective message exchange.

So, if we share our concerns assertively, we are offering the opportunity to the other to understand us and share our restlessness. Marshall Rosenberg particularly insists on the importance of involving the other in the “shared hope that could have failed” between both.

Conflict resolution

The key to adequate empathetic communication is to speak from one’s own feelings, from the “I”. Thus, no one can discuss what is communicated because that part is individual and belongs to the person who expresses himself. Therefore, when you want someone to interpret your message not as a hint or an attack, but as an attempt at non-violent communication, start your sentences with “I feel” or “I feel.”

Instead of saying “We met an hour ago. You are always late. You are selfish”, replace it with “I feel like every time you make me wait so long I lose the desire to meet you. “It is demoralizing, maddening and makes me feel helpless.”

If you change accusations and criticisms to messages about how you feel, the communication will not become as negative. The other will not feel offended, you will be able to express yourself and instead of ending up upset you will be able to reach a solution.

Honesty

You have to know how to say “no” and accept the other’s refusals. Only then can you be honest with yourself and with others. But in order to be virtuous, you must eliminate all types of speculation or destructive communication behaviors.

According to NVC expert Bob Wentworth, “an observation sets the context, feelings support the connection and get us out of our heads. “Needs support connection and identify what is important, and a request clarifies what kind of response you would enjoy.” Using these components together eliminates all chances of making moralistic judgments, as you will see later.

Development of listening and understanding skills

Nonviolent communication encourages the development of self-empathy. Understood as the compassionate way of understanding what is happening within us. It involves noticing feelings, thoughts, and judgments; and connect with those needs that paralyze or block us.

Furthermore, this type of communication It also encourages empathy as the ability to emotionally understand the heart of another. Therefore, it not only allows us to understand their ideas or thoughts, but also their emotions and sensations.

Behaviors that block empathic communication

Rosenberg assures that, just as there are many benefits derived from the practice of empathetic communication, there are also certain ways of communicating that block the development of this type of communication and, therefore, of empathy and assertiveness. Below we will see some of them.

Moralistic judgments

Moralistic judgments are an impersonal form of expression that does not convey what the other person really feels, but rather masks it. They take different forms such as criticism, humiliation, insults or cynicism. Rosenberg proposes replacing them with objective observations and avoiding all judgment regarding the other to focus on what one feels.

“The report you have given me is a disaster. “This way we can’t give it to anyone.” We can change it to “In the report you gave me there are some ideas that we should take a look at. Try to change them before we give it to the customer.”

Demands and comparisons with other people

Requests, demands, offenses… We use all kinds of tools to force the other to understand us. In the end, they are threats that involve guilt or punishment if we do not achieve the requested demands. Other forms of manipulation and aggressive communication.

Denial of responsibility

A very common example of this behavior occurs when the teenager brings the grades home and says, “Mom, I’ve been suspended.” That “they have me” instead of “he” is a way of attribute the cause of his misfortunes to agents external to him and evade his responsibility.

Other ways to do this are by using impersonal or conditional language, referring to our diagnosis, history or experiences. The point is to avoid the consequences of taking responsibility for what happened.

As we see, empathetic communication requires a personal effort on the part of both interlocutors, but the benefits obtained are worth that prior work.

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