Stop talking to someone as punishment

Silence sometimes serves as a punishment. Stopping talking to someone is a way out to which many people go to “express” their anger, their disagreement or their reproaches. Now, is this method really effective in overcoming a problem or getting someone to change? What psychological implication does the decision to avoid words have when there is a burning resentment?

Establishing a dialogue with someone is not easy, especially if there is a conflict that does not seem to have a solution. Nevertheless, If instead of addressing the issue directly what is done is to stop talking to the other, the only thing we achieve is to introduce tension additional. Added to the unresolved dispute is a limbo that can become a true incubator of poison.

Many, however, have no interest in resolving the conflict through dialogue. What they want is for the other to submit to their own point of view. So use silence as punishment, so that the other bends. We are facing a childish attitude that does not solve anything. Of course, it provides selfish gratification.

The reasons to punish with silence

As musician Miles Davis once said, “silence is the loudest noise.” Using this dimension is a common resource among many of us. But we don’t always do it in order to punish someone. Sometimes, we resort to silence as a resource to avoid arguing further. We understand that there are conflicts that do not go any further, and in order not to aggravate them, to not fuel the fire further, we use it to put an end to it. Other times when it can be beneficial are:

When we are too angryand we prefer to calm down so as not to say offensive things that we may regret later.When the other person is very angry. Since it will be very difficult for him to understand our perspective and for us to reach an intermediate point, through an assertive dialogue. In cases where the discussion is not leading us to anything and it is better to give ourselves time to reflect.

The person who stops speaking in order to harm others, He does it because he has no other psychological resources to deal with the situation.. Silence is their response for several reasons. Let’s see them below.

Silence as a strategy to manage conflict

Profiles that use silence as a trick to handle problems and differences usually think the following:

It is better to stop talking to a person than to participate in a discussion in which insults are exchanged.That person the one I have a difference/problem with doesn’t understand me. No matter how much I ask him to change, he doesn’t listen to me. So, it’s better not to say anything because, what’s the point?You have to apologize to me for what he did to me (or told me, or didn’t do, or didn’t say). Until I do, I’m going to stop talking. Why talk if we always get to the same point. Better to stop talking to see if he understands that I’m not going to give in.

In all cases it is stated that silence is the best option to process the conflict. For one reason or another, the word has proven ineffective. The decision is then made to stop talking to someone so that this is assumed as a punishment and, consequently, the other reconsiders his attitude. From all this, a great emotional immaturity undoubtedly emerges.

Stop talking, a common resource in emotional manipulation

A silence can have a multitude of meanings. Some of them are really violent. Stopping talking to someone is assuming a passive-aggressive attitude. This means that the other is being violated, but implicitly. Most of the time, these types of attitudes are as harmful or more harmful than direct aggression, and they are because silence becomes a void that is susceptible to any type of interpretation.

Silence as abuse

Silence as a punishment can become a tool of the abuser. This is how he exercises his power. Silence allows him to dominate the weak people he wants to subdue. When a person The abuser uses silence, and it works for her, she will always use it because she knows that this way she can get what she wants from her victims.

Also, silence becomes the abuser’s ally if it makes the victim unable to break his silence and not report him. ANDMalicious silence or silence used as punishment can be an effective weapon capable of subduing any victim..

The silence that is dosed, another form of abuse

This is another fairly common dynamic that we will recognize instantly.. There are those who stop talking to us for a few hours, those who turn their heads when we speak to them.. They are people with whom we live and who, suddenly, choose to act as if we were invisible. This childish behavior, as curious as it may seem to us, occurs excessively frequently.

What is intended with this is the following: to combine the “now I love you”/”now I am moving away”, the “now I pay attention to you”/”now I ignore you”. With this, they display a type of emotional uncertainty that wears and corrodes. There where alone one guides the communication and treatment, where only the manipulator controls the times to exercise power over the other.

As we can see, few strategies can be as harmful as using silence as a form of punishment. Because this dimension, and the fact of stopping talking to someone, lengthens distances. AND Distance is not usually a good ally for understanding or for restoring broken or damaged ties. On the contrary, it contributes to deepening differences.

The healthy functions of silence

It is true that sometimes it is better to remain silent. When we are very excited, for example. Anger causes us to exaggerate and worry more about hurting others than about really expressing what we think or feel. In these conditions, there is nothing better than to stop talking while we regain our composure. Under those circumstances, this is a smart decision.

On the other hand, stopping talking to punish or encourage another person to “give up,” as we have said, rarely brings good results.. Sometimes we face the challenge of expressing our anger or anger, but without hurting the other. The way out is not to stop talking, but to seek and find the means to build bridges towards understanding. The absence of words can make the other give in, which does not mean that the conflict disappears. On the other hand, it can also happen that the other person does not do it and what was initially a snowflake turns into a ball.

The silent treatment

Silence as punishment or silent treatment is based on ignoring the presence of the other person and refusing to communicate verbally with them. Those who use the silent treatment do so to control the situation or conversation. They also use it as a tool to avoid taking responsibility or admitting wrongdoing.

Silence as punishment can easily become an emotionally abusive control tactic. An individual may be using it abusively if:

You seek to hurt another person with your silence.The silence lasts for long periods of time.The silence ends only when they decide it does.They talk to other people, but not to their partner.They seek alliances from others.Use silence to blame your partner and make them feel bad.He appeals to silence to manipulate or “improve” his partner, or to pressure him to change his behavior.

The silent treatment is very common in couples. A investigation points out that both men and women use it in relationships. However, clear, direct and assertive communication is essential for healthy relationships. Using silence as punishment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in useful ways.

When one of the members of the couple wants to talk, but the other ignores them, it can generate unpleasant emotions and negative effects on the person seeking to communicate. According to a study , People who regularly feel ignored report lower levels of self-esteem, belonging, and meaning in their lives.

Finally, the best thing to do in any circumstance or problem is to look for optimal conditions to talk.. A different way to express our disagreement. Changing the routine space for one that is warmer and friendlier sometimes helps to renew communication. Speaking from the heart, always referring to what you feel and not what you assume the other person feels, is a formula that does not usually fail. Try it.

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