SEX AFTER PREGNANCY: expert clarifies 10 important doubts

After nine months of waiting, a baby arrives to change a couple’s lives for good! In fact, it doesn’t matter if the woman and the man are first, second or multiple parents, the truth is that the birth of a child has the power to affect (and a lot) their routine.

In addition to practical issues related to everyday life – for example, care they will have to dedicate to the new family member; purchases and changes they have to make in the decoration of the house, etc. – the birth of a baby also inevitably alters the behavior of the parents.

A baby demands attention, especially from the mother – who is breastfeeding – practically all day long. With this, it is common that, many times, the woman ends up forgetting to take care of herself and leave “a little aside” the relationship with her partner.

But, of course, that shouldn’t happen. The birth of a baby should always be a reason for joy in a family and should serve to further strengthen the love and companionship between a couple.

And since love is also closely linked to sex, it is essential that men and women remember that they should, yes, resume their sexual life as soon as possible after the baby is born.

However, for that, of course, medical clearance is needed… But, after all, after how long can a woman have sex again? Does everything go back to normal between the couple after the birth of a baby? Questions like these are very common.

With that in mind, below you can find the answer to these and other questions regarding sex after pregnancy. It is worth checking!

10 questions and answers related to sex after pregnancy

1. How long after childbirth can a woman resume her sex life?

This is probably the biggest question among couples. Keila Oliveira, psychologist, sexologist and sex therapist, emphasizes that it is always the doctor who determines the best period of abstinence.

But, in general, after 30 to 40 days after giving birth, the woman is already released to return to her normal sexual routine.

2. Why does a woman need to be sexless after the baby is born?

This should be a recovery phase for the woman, physically speaking. That’s because before this period – 30 to 40 days after delivery – the inside of the uterus will still be recovering from the changes caused by pregnancy.

It is worth noting that at this stage, penetration, in addition to being quite painful, increases the risk of the woman developing some type of infection in the uterus.

3. What can be done so that the couple’s relationship does not “cool down” in this phase of abstinence?

The fact that the couple cannot have sex for a period of 30 to 40 days in no way means that the relationship will (or should) cool down because of it.

Even because the couple is not prevented from exchanging caresses and caresses… On the contrary, physical contact and also sentimental contact between man and woman must be strengthened in this new phase of life (now that they have another member in the family) .

4. In the case of normal delivery, does recovery usually take longer?

The waiting time is usually the same, from 30 to 40 days, always according to medical advice.

Sometimes, however, this type of delivery demands too much from the vaginal muscles and, as a result, there is a reduction in muscle tone in the region. In this way, the doctor may recommend the practice of local exercises – which will help the woman to resume her sexual life with the same pleasure as before.

5. Can oral sex take place during the postpartum period of sexual abstinence?

There are no contraindications for oral sex. This can even be a good alternative for the couple to keep their “desire lit” during this period.

6. Is it normal for a woman to feel tired and not want to have sex (even after medical clearance for sexual intercourse)?

Certainly the birth of a baby completely changes a woman’s routine, but does this necessarily mean that she will feel so tired that she is not in the mood for sex?

Keila Oliveira explains that, generally, after childbirth, the woman starts to have many other attributions that until then, as a pregnant woman, she did not have, such as:

• shorter and unregulated sleep periods;
• time to breastfeed;
• baby health care;
• baby hygiene care etc.

“All these care inherent to a new living being, totally defenseless and lacking an advanced and resistant immune system, requires a lot of attention and, consequently, causes greater fatigue”, he says.

“All these factors together – tiredness, irregular sleep, breastfeeding – generally make a woman less likely to have sexual desire and willingness to have sex,” highlights the sex therapist.

It is the man’s role, therefore, at this moment, to be patient and collaborate with the baby’s routine. Responsibilities must be shared between father and mother in a balanced way, after all, the child belongs to both. This will contribute to a better disposition of the woman for sex.

7. Can the birth of the baby still change a woman’s behavior towards her partner?

Keila Oliveira points out that some women do not necessarily feel very tired physically, but they can enter into a state of “in love with the baby” that is so intense, ending up neglecting to take care of their husbands. “Sometimes, some men can feel rejected at the expense of the devotion and attention that the mother gives to the baby. And this is a factor that may be related to the couple’s sexual issues”, highlights the professional.

8. Is it normal for the couple to have relationship problems after the baby is born?

Taking into account some of the issues mentioned above, one more question may arise: does every couple experience relationship problems after the birth of a baby?

But, of course, the answer is “no”. “We are all very different human beings, we have different reactions to every situation in life. Every couple reacts differently when the family starts to grow. Regarding sex, things could not be different either. There are couples who start to have a normal sex life after pregnancy, others go into crisis and start to have sexual problems and a few improve their activities considerably”, emphasizes Keila Oliveira.

Also according to the sexologist, the important thing is that the couple manages to maintain an open, sincere dialogue. “It is critical that both men and women can remain empathetic with this new situation,” she says.

It is not uncommon to find couples who go into crisis after the birth of their children, because they feel more insecure, less welcomed, jealous of a “third party” who becomes part of that relationship. “It is not uncommon for cases to occur in which the man starts to feel neglected and left out when the woman is amazed by this baby that has just been born. Nothing could be more natural, especially when the child was very desired”, comments the sex therapist.

“However, being mature enough helps the couple to remain more united and face this new phase with discernment and understanding”, emphasizes Keila.

9. How to act if the partner does not show interest in having sex?

Some men are afraid to have sex with either a pregnant woman or after the baby is born (even with the doctor’s permission to do so).

According to Keila Oliveira, this is often not closely related to the physiological changes a woman goes through. “And, yes, much more with each man’s own particular emotional issues. Knowing how to talk and trying to reach a consensus is always the best way”, she highlights.

Also according to the sexologist, an important tip so that this type of fear does not occur on the part of the man is to encourage him to always participate in the entire gestational process. “Prenatal consultations, as well as ultrasounds, help men to better assimilate and understand each stage. Ending fears and anxieties, as well as favoring that ‘daddy’ is included in this process and not placed ‘to the side’”, she highlights.

10. What to do if the baby cries during sex?

The ideal is to invest in warmer times exactly when the baby is sleeping. But as the little ones are unpredictable, he can decide to cry right at the “H time”… But that’s no reason to despair! Solve the child’s problem and pick up where you left off.

Questions about sex during pregnancy

There are also many doubts about sex during pregnancy. The most common question, of course, is still: can a pregnant woman really have sex?

Keila Oliveira explains that, as long as the pregnancy is healthy and does not go through any compromises (as in cases of high-risk pregnancy, low placenta or imminent early delivery), sex is recommended. “But this is always determined by the doctor who accompanies the pregnant woman during prenatal care”, she highlights.

The sex therapist adds that sex during pregnancy brings the couple closer, it is good for health – exactly why it is so recommended.

Also according to Keila, some women even report feeling more mood and pleasure during pregnancy. “Some doctors even recommend more intense sexual activity in the last weeks of pregnancy when there is a desire for a normal delivery, as sex makes a woman more likely to have a smoother labor”, explains the sex therapist.

What to do if your partner doesn’t show interest in having sex?

Keila Oliveira comments that some men do not feel inclined to have sex with women in the “belly” phase. “The maternal spirit is in evidence and some men do not know how to separate these roles of woman and mother very well. But they are personal issues of a very unconscious character,” she says.

Below the sex therapist gives some tips to help in these cases:

• The couple must maintain an open, empathetic dialogue with respect and acceptance on both sides.
• Once again, it is important that this partner participates in the entire gestational process, can be present in all consultations and exams.
• It is interesting that the couple try to find a space to read a lot about this period (pregnancy) – which can be complicated, but it can also be very beautiful and full of satisfactions.
• The couple must take into account that they may have other sexual options than just penetrative sex. You can add to this menu: oral sex, anal sex, caresses. The couple’s courtship doesn’t need to be compromised if both understand that sex goes beyond penetration.
• Finding less uncomfortable positions, especially in the third trimester of pregnancy, is a good way to go.
• Creativity and companionship are fundamental points at this stage of the couple’s life.

“It’s important for both of them to recognize that they play on the same team and not different teams! Having a baby is something rich and changes the lives of many people, but you have to be wise and patient so that these changes are always for the better”, concludes sex therapist Keila Oliveira.