Self-esteem, a basic pillar in our lives

Self-love is the starting point for the growth of the person who feels the value of taking responsibility for their own existence. (Viktor Frankl)

What is self-esteem?

“The way we feel about ourselves decisively affects every aspect of our experience. The responses we make to events depend on who and what we think we are. The dramas of our lives are reflections of the intimate vision we have of ourselves. Therefore, self-esteem is the key to success or failure.

Of all the judgments we undergo, none are as important as our own. Positive self-esteem is the fundamental requirement for a fulfilling life” (Nathaniel Branden)

The self-esteem is the assessment what we have about ourselves. The ability to love ourselves, respect ourselves and value ourselves, which includes a set of behaviors and attitudes, which constitute the basis of our personal identity. Is a evaluative perception of ourselves, one of the main pillars on which we rely.

Furthermore, self-esteem encompasses two important components: feeling of personal capacity and the feeling of personal worthbeing therefore the sum of confidence and respect for ourselves, thus conditioning our quality of life.

Good self-esteem allows us to accept our limitations and difficulties, as it means loving ourselves as we are, both with our successes and with our mistakes and errors. It would be feeling good because we love and accept ourselves, we appreciate and respect ourselves, regardless of the results or what we cannot do or do not like.

Self-esteem and opinion of others

To what extent should we take into account the word of others? How much of what others say about us is true?

Most of the problems that arise when we relate are based on the beliefs and assumptions that others have to know, understand and accept us. But if we don’t learn to give it its fair value At the word of others, our self-esteem can be easily destroyed.

Each of us establishes links with others, relating to them in different ways. The bond we have established with our mother is not the same as, for example, with one of our best friends or co-workers, that is, in the relationships we maintain we are different depending on the bond we have established with other people and the role that we adopt. Thus we have different peculiarities and limits depending on the people with whom we interact. Therefore, the relationships we maintain with people are only a part of us, a small portion, not our entirety, since they can only know some of the manifestations of what we are but not all of our internal reactions and motivations. neither the entirety of our history nor of who we are. People are much more than the relationships we harbor.

The opinions that others have about us are only formed by what they have observed as well as the color that each one has given to these observations according to their personal characteristics, just like the opinions that we have of others. Therefore, it is possible that what others appreciate about us, and what we appreciate about others, does not really fit the truth of who we are. But we tend to make the mistake of thinking that what we say about others is totally true, just as what others think about us is also true. That is, the opinion that others have of us only constitutes a portion of what we are, but not our totality.

And although depending on the link established, the frequency, the manner of treatment, etc. others may know more or less aspects of us, we cannot forget that we are the only ones who can know ourselves if that is how we wish, since we are the ones who will have the complete picture of who we are. Therefore, let us not expect so much from others, since our assessment has to be supported by what we think about ourselves and not by the partial vision of others.