Reverse psychology: how it works and what are its risks

Psychologist Jack Brehm coined the term reactancewhich is nothing but the tendency of humans to react doing the opposite of what is asked of usespecially when we feel questioned about our freedom, independence or capacity.

Using these reactions in the service of a certain objective is what is called the Reverse psychology.

When is reverse psychology usually used?

Reverse psychology is a method that, intuitively, many parents use at some point with children and adolescents in times when negativism and self-affirmation are above any logic or necessity. They are told that they will not be able to pick up the room before their friends or family arrive; or that they won’t be able to pass a grade because it’s too difficult… Upset, they do what they’ve been told they couldn’t do. So they feel that it is they who dominate the situationsomething that reassured them in their tasks.

In sports it is used to achieve self-improvement and in marketing to arouse the desire for the forbidden.

But not only children are dragged by this way of acting. Adults, to a greater or lesser degree and with more or less positive results, continue to move within those parameters of systematic opposition.

This type of psychology is frequently used in the Sports world to stimulate the overcoming goals. Phrases like “I don’t think you can beat your own record” either “I think that exercise is too difficult for you” can activate a reactance that helps the athlete to try and verify that he can achieve it. One area where this method is put at the service of commercial interests is that of marketing. Advertisers use slogans promoting ballast with tags like “don’t buy this record“, “this car is not for you” either “never read this book“. With them, the aim is to persuade by promoting the desire for the forbidden and its transgressionmaking the person feel that they are someone special and that they do not depend on the mass, when in reality it is nothing more than a trick to make them buy.

Reverse psychology in personal relationships

One of the fields in which this reverse psychology is most exploited is in that of love or relationships with others.

The Internet is full of videos and phrases that explain how to seduce someone we like, make the person who abandoned us come back, or create a special interest in ourselves. The most common formulas consist of behave contrary to what we would like at that moment. In this way, an aura of mystery, doubts or questions is induced in the other that keeps them aware of us.

Do not answer calls or messages, even if we want to. To say that we have a full agenda and that we cannot meet, when that is false. Or also report that there are other people who request us because they find us attractive, but that is not true. In short, it would make it very difficult for there to be desire, or to think that you only want what you don’t have.

But is this safe? What is undeniable is that they are strategies that have been present throughout history with different nuances, and that are now offered as a psychological or, supposedly, therapeutic help service. Although, as we will see, it may not be a desirable strategy.

can backfire

The truth is that, in general, although it can be a useful technique for very specific moments or tasks, it is still a double-edged sword for several reasons:

The main one is that the person to whom it is addressed takes it literally, that is, that really believe that you are incapablewho does not know or cannot and, therefore, as a child, person, professional or partner, is worthless. Along the same lines, if we use this psychology very often, the person can get used to always work from the oppositionwhich would eliminate the intended effectiveness in achieving certain objectives. Finally, and especially in love, we will be building the foundations of a new relationship or rebuilding a previous relationship with ploys that neglect the values ​​of honesty and trust that they should be given The question necessarily arises as to whether we can feel safe in what has been built or rebuilt like this, and if we do not force ourselves to continue with all kinds of artifice to maintain it. And it is that seduction should not be confused with manipulation. The mysteriousness of another person is in all the unique qualities to be discovered and not in creating intriguing situations with fictions that will promote typical and topical reactions from soap operas.

More respectful ways of relating

The reactance mechanism and, therefore, reverse psychology, only includes one of the aspects found in the human being: that of feeling free and not depending on anyone, against subjection to certain rules or difficulties. But let’s not forget that this is only one of the possible oppositions that occur internally.

Some people may feel humiliated when reverse psychology is used on them.

We find many others in which other dualities are supported that can be used positively. Faced with the need for autonomy, we also find the search for recognition of our qualities and peculiarities. Relying on it can give us a better result and a greater respect for the sensitivity of others.

If an adult, due to his own history or character, feels humiliated when another tells him what, how and when to do something, using reactance can be counterproductive. However, let him decide he himself can become a way of recognition of its truth and, at the same time, that with our gesture we will be opening the possibility of another non-imposing or manipulative relational form. Silence, in these cases, can be our great ally.