Resentment: the prison that prevents us from moving forward

There are people in whom chronic resentment lives. In their minds resentment pilots in an obsessive and corrosive way, in addition to that all-out defense of the ego where no space is left for understanding, empathy and respect. Few emotions erect more rigid bars like that where they blame others for everything that has happened to them… and predict what will happen to them.

Many of us could instantly identify those profiles who spend much of their time remembering all the tears of fortune they have encountered, without seeing the influence of their own way of acting. This type of behavior and attribution style is quite common. However, Sometimes we too should carry out a small self-reflection exercise.

Resentment is above all, the signature reluctance to exercise forgiveness. It is allowing a disappointment or grievance to settle permanently in us to act like the worst of poisons. It is clear that we have every right to feel angry and indignant: anger has a part that helps us. For example, it can give us enough energy to defend ourselves at a certain moment. It is the abuse or poor channeling of this emotion that hurts us.

Nevertheless, It is a principle of mental health to know how to manage and handle these types of situations. Because feeding the thought that the world has conspired against us subtracts inertia from happiness. Because resentment corrodes self-esteem, and holds us in that role of perpetual victim who neither achieves nor does its part to promote healing and liberation.

The anatomy of resentment

Most of us harbor certain traces of resentment. It is that small amount of uncomfortable bitterness towards someone who hurt us at some point. It may have been an emotional partner, a family member or a friend who shot the arrow of betrayal at us… Whatever the case, this type of emotion is as common as it is understandable at the same time.

However, it should be noted that resentment is a dimension that has not been widely treated by psychologists and psychiatrists. From a sociological point of view, however, it is of notable interest.. From this perspective, it is assumed, for example, that many dictators in our history harbored this emotional entity in their minds in a chronic and obsessive way.

Resentment causes us to rationalize (and even justify) certain aspects that apparently do not make sense.. For example, if in the past a person from a specific group did something to me, I can develop a feeling of distrust and hatred towards all of them. As we see, these are situations that are as adverse as they are dangerous and should be taken into account.

From resentment to hatred there is one step

Rebecca Sherman, a doctor in psychology at Flinders University in South Australia, conducted a study on resentment that revealed something very interesting. Through an experiment with faculty students she could see that often, after this dimension hate is also hidden and even the feeling of pleasure when the other person suffers some type of incident or misfortune.

Therefore, envy is ruled out from this dimension and it is confirmed that what we harbor towards someone who did something to us at some point in our past is anger and a feeling of hatred.

Resentment is a black hole that traps everything

We therefore know that from a sociological point of view, resentment can be behind many hateful behaviors. However, where this dimension is most abundant is at the family level. It’s more, It is estimated that where it arises most is between parent-child relationships.

Children tend to blame their parents for much of their unhappiness. Bad upbringing, abandonment, authoritarian education style or certain behaviors sometimes cause all the present discomfort to be poured onto them.

In this way, something that sooner or later we must understand is that all We have a firm obligation to ourselves: to stop being victims of our past and be responsible for our present.

Should we allow resentment to engulf us, An endless number of psychological processes will occur:

Thought distortion. Simplification of reality. Confirmation bias…

All these processes can be summarized in one thing: justifying that everything that happens to us is the absolute responsibility of what they did to us in the past. No one can or deserves to live this way.

How to handle resentment

Resentment should not be our vocation, our way of life. We must get rid of this corrosive rust and feeling of injustice as soon as possible. Because there is no reward in this approach. Self-esteem, human potential, personal freedom and of course, happiness are extinguished.

The world is already unfair enough without accumulating the weight of our unresolved resentments. Therefore, it would be useful to reflect on these strategies.

Keys to extinguish resentment

Work on our values ​​and purposes: It is common for “resentful” profiles to forget what they live for, what can and should awaken their dreams and personal goals. Placing your gaze on a purpose and clarifying values ​​is a first step.Emotional management and reconstruction. Resentment completely viralizes our emotions to fuel anger, disappointment, and sadness. It is necessary that we purge that negativity by awakening healthier and more powerful emotions. To do this, there is nothing better than connecting with people in a more respectful and compassionate way, starting new projects, new plans…psychological therapy. The resentful person is often someone who carries damage, a trauma. In these cases it is common for them to be very sensitive profiles, reluctant to initiate changes and to raise fierce palisades around themselves. It is almost impossible for them to get out of these traps on their own and therefore, it is key that they receive the help of specialized professionals.

Resentment is blind and blinding. Freeing ourselves and taking off our shoes from this weight is an act of personal responsibility in which we should all invest time and effort. Stopping blaming others for your own unhappiness is key to taking control of your life and gaining well-being.. Let’s think about it.

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