Primal wound: latent marks from childhood that survive in the present

The primal or primary wound is an unresolved trauma. It exemplifies and points out the violation of attachment, the breaking of that essential bond between a child and his parents; It is the betrayal of unsatisfied, unattended emotional needs. That pain, originating at an early age and not resolved, is something that we try to anesthetize in adulthood…, but that somehow continues to condition us.

One of the most common terms in the world of psychology and especially, from the perspective of psychoanalysis, is the figure of the wound, as well as trauma. Freud explained to us that these psychic lesions go from the outside to the inside. They happen in our closest environment, especially in our childhood. Thus, far from dissolving over time, that original wound survives, remains latent and enters our being, creating layers and more layers until it gravitates in any area of ​​our life…

If Sigmund Freud and his daughter Anna Freud revealed to us for the first time the importance of early experiences in the development of our personality, in the 90s a decisive book would be published in relation to this same topic. Primal wound or the primal wound, put on the table a reality that went far beyond. In this work we explained the silent, invisible but permanent trauma experienced by adopted children.

Nancy Verrier, author of the book, underpinned key ideas about the broken bond, the violated perinatal affection or those often unconscious wounds that human beings usually carry in their maturity as a result of a childhood inhabited by emptiness.

What is the primal wound?

Human beings have a need that goes beyond food. When a child comes into the world, he or she needs, above all, to feel protected, surrounded by affection and sustained by affection.. Love places us in the world and nourishes us. Love helps us develop, to function safely in an empathetic environment, where we can wake up to the world knowing that we are important to someone.

Thus, when a psychologist or therapist receives his patient, he will also try to create an environment where empathy and closeness are always evident and palpable. People need these types of nutrients, because if we do not perceive them, if we do not see them or feel them, our brain reacts almost instantly. Suspicion, fear and tension appear.

This is what a child experiences when they do not receive a secure attachment. The primal wound is left imprinted when the parents are not accessible emotionally, psychically and/or physically.. Little by little the mind of that baby, of that child of a few years, is invaded by anxiety, hunger, emotional longing, emptiness, loneliness, loss and lack of protection.

We can understand the primal wound almost as an evolutionary sacrilege. This process of “hominization” that every human being goes through, begins above all with an exchange of solid affection and a constant closeness between mother and child.. We cannot forget that a baby comes into the world with a brain that is still immature and that she needs that skin and that secure attachment, to continue growing and give shape to a exogestation with which to promote the continuity of its development.

If something goes wrong in this process, if something happens in our first three years of life, an invisible and deep fracture emerges, an injury that no one sees. The same one that will invalidate us (possibly) in the future in various aspects of our lives. Let’s look at them below.

Effects of primary wound

There is a very interesting book that is considered the reference manual in the study of attachment. Is about Handbook of attachment by psychologists Jude Cassidy and Phillip R. Shaver. In this work we are reminded that the very end of the human being is self-realization. Our purpose is to transcend, to advance in security to promote our personal and emotional growth, thus enjoying a full life with ourselves and others.

One of the most important conditions for this to happen is to have had a secure attachment in our early years., mature, close and intuitive with our needs. Now, if this does not happen, the primary wound arises and with it the following effects:

Insecurity and low self-esteem.Impulsivity, poor emotional management. Greater risk of suffering from various psychological disorders.Difficulty establishing solid emotional relationships.A “survival personality” develops. We try to show autonomy and security, but the emptiness persists and it is common to go through times where isolation and solitude are needed, and moments where we crave closeness, whatever it may be, even if it is harmful or false.

How to heal our primal wound

The most appropriate thing in these cases is to request professional help. In recent years, therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are becoming more important. It is a technique where different types of stimulation and information processing are combined so that people bring to light traumatic experiences and childhood wounds to talk about them, recognize them and manage them better.

Likewise, it is also worth stating those basic strategies that are usually used to face and heal our primal wound. They would be the following:

Become aware of our latent emotions and give them a name.Voice our unmet needs (affection, support, lack of protection, empathetic closeness…) We must “legitimize” those needs and not repress them.Reflect on the loneliness we feel in childhood. We will do it without fear, without anger and without shame. There are those who avoid thinking about the emptiness experienced in their childhood, who prefer not to look back at those years of suffering because they feel pain and discomfort. We must bring to light that wounded self, that part of ourselves still filled with anger because it did not experience enough affection and security.Understand that nothing was your responsibility. The victim is not guilty of anything.Allows you to release your sadness, your internal emotions. Release them. Commit to yourself in the change, be able to transform yourself, to take responsibility for a change towards inner well-being.

Finally, Experts in managing and coping with primal wounds and trauma recommend that we forgive. Granting forgiveness to our parents does not exempt them from guilt, but it allows us to free ourselves from their figures. It is accepting what happened, it is assuming the reality of everything suffered but being able to offer forgiveness that allows us to cut the bond of pain to move forward much more quickly. Free from pain, anger and memories of yesterday.

Let’s think about it. The topic of the primal wound undoubtedly arouses great interest and it is worth understanding this complex psychological reality.

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