Possessive and controlling man: characteristics and attitudes

Although socially there is no prototype of a possessive and controlling man, There is a series of common traits and attitudes that we can use to define them. However, it is important to keep in mind that they can be very different individuals from each other in terms of social and economic status, age, studies, religious beliefs, political tendencies and education.

Now, beyond the traits that we will explain later, almost all of them agree on their way of starting a relationship and its subsequent maintenance through dominance and authority behaviors. Sometimes masked in subtle and kind gestures, other times exercised without any type of scruples. The point is that little by little They forge a prison in which the other person is trapped. Let’s get to know this figure a little better.

Most typical signs of the controlling man

The first warning signs are contempt and rejection towards the couple disguised as false modesty and with the excuse that they are only warnings to improve, along with interrogations about every detail of daily life. The problem is that little by little the victim loses her identity and downplays any behavior that causes suffering and pain, while she begins to measure each of the words she utters to please.

However, at the beginning of the relationship it may be normal behavior for the couple to show concern about their daily activities, sending messages on their cell phone or calling several times a day. But, where is the limit?

The danger comes at the moment when the desire to know about the other person becomes an obsession and interest becomes control. What happens is that the controlling personality does not usually show itself at the beginning of the relationship, but rather as time passes it will begin to emerge.

Although This type of behavior can occur in both men and women, In this article we are going to focus on the traits and characteristics that describe possessive and controlling men, individuals full of insecurity and distrust.

obsessive personality

The possessive and controlling man is characterized by an obsessive personality. He tries to check everything around him and always seems to be on the defensive. He gets angry easily and, at times, tries to contain his aggressiveness.

The obsession with controlling where your partner is at all times, who they talk to or what friends they have becomes the main thing in the relationship. Even despite having told him what we were going to do or where we would meet, he will continually try to check it, either through us or through our family and friends to confirm that what we told him is true.

Now, it is important that we keep in mind that each of us is a free person and that Nobody has the right to decide who we can date or how we should dress, since it would be disrespectful to us as well as restricting our freedom.

Sickly jealousies

Jealousy is generated as a response to deep feelings of insecurity and distrust in relation to oneself, but projected towards the couple. Thus, they usually arise when one feels that the other’s love is in danger or when one experiences fear of ceasing to be the center of attention of the loved one, even without this being true. That is, they tend to fear abandonment, as well as emotional dependence and chronic insecurity.

Although most people are able to relativize this feeling and put it in context, Possessive men usually experience many difficulties when managing it. In this way, jealousy will end up dominating you and will be expressed through critical, controlling and in some cases, even aggressive behaviors.

Control of social networks and other devices

A possessive and controlling man, in addition to calling and sending messages several times a day, He usually gets upset when he is not responded to immediately. If this happens at the beginning of a relationship, it is advisable to talk about it and if you are still not able to understand it, the recommendation is to walk away. If it occurs in a stable relationship, it is advisable to talk about it or consult with a professional.

The important thing is to be clear that the mobile phone is something very personal and that No one should monitor our calls or messages, since they are part of our privacy. Being in communication is important, but when the calls are continuous it can be telephone harassment. This has the objective of knowing where you are, with whom and what you are doing at that moment.

Feeling of possession

Living with a possessive and controlling man is practically unsustainable, since It can subjugate and nullify the other person. These types of profiles usually experience a deep feeling of possession of the other person.

This means that he considers it his property and is free to decide about it without taking it into account, which usually leads to situations of psychological abuse. In fact, the victim may have serious problems seeing reality objectively, as a result of self-deception.

The important thing in these cases is to eliminate the concept of belonging in love, as well as the belief that jealousy is a demonstration of this feeling. Love has nothing to do with possession, need or control, but with freedom, respect and trust. Therefore, it is important to establish certain limits in relationships.

Demand to change tastes and way of being

As a general rule, the possessive and controlling man will encourage his partner to give up his hobbies, concerns and friendships. You will want to prevent having interests that you cannot control.

In extreme cases, possessive men They can go as far as verbal or physical aggression as long as the other person behaves and does everything they expect and want. However, in these situations the most important thing is to ask for help, both professional and legal, as soon as possible.

Psychological abuse techniques

It is especially important to detect these behaviors in time, because if they are allowed to escalate, they could become a complete picture of psychological abuse. Remember that, many times, the control and possessiveness of these people is accompanied by subtle techniques that make the victim doubt their own ideas.

One of the best known is gas light., in which, when the victim finally opposes her abuser or points out the inconsistencies in her behavior, he makes her believe that it is all a distortion of her mind. It is one of the dynamics that most undermines the victim’s identity, as well as her self-esteem.

Finally, let us not forget that In a relationship, love, respect and the desire to help others must prevail.

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