Personality is much more attractive than physical appearance

Physical attractiveness always attracts, draws attention and dazzles, however, only personality reaches the heart and falls in love. It is she who gives us character, strength, tenacity and that seduction that reaches the soul and strengthens the bond of soul mates, of those people who see what is invisible to the eyes.

There are many books, courses and studies that try to reveal to us what type of emotional partner is best for us based on our personality. Now, if there is something that we all know, it is that no one can go with a “mental filter” trying to select who yes and who no. Love does not usually require an appointment, it simply arrivesand he often does so with a very complete “pack”: with a type of personality, a past, some values ​​and an identity.

Love and infatuation

We could say then that when it comes to falling in love we have a fairly low level of control. However, it is not entirely true. So much so, that Helen Fisher herself, a well-known anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey, explains something very specific to us: Love and attraction are two very different things, they can go together, there is no doubt, but they require different processes.

Attraction is instinctive. It takes us much less than a second to know if a person attracts us or not. However, LOVE – in capital letters – and its consolidation, requires going through deeper strata, where personality is often the great seductress and that treasure map where you can find the right partner.

From the buddhist perspective, falling in love could be defined as a state of attachment to our expectations. Really We do not fall in love with the other person, but with the expectations we form. about his way of being and about what our life would be like with him. In this way, when time passes and we see that it does not respond to what we expected, we feel disappointed and abandon the relationship.

However, when the relationship continues and we begin to know and accept the other person, genuine love begins. A love that seeks happiness for the other and not for the other to make us happy. For Buddhism, authentic love is the one that looks out for others. However, if our attitude is to expect them to make us happy, we will be falling into an attachment relationship.

Psychological attractiveness: creating connections

We have all grown through thick and thin in this matter of love. Over time you learn that not everything beautiful is goodand that an attractive face does not guarantee that a person hides an exceptional heart full of nobility. The bias of attributing beauty as a synonym for goodness is something that is still very present in our society.. This is revealed to us by several studies such as the one published in the magazine “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.”

Now, despite our experience in the world of emotional relationships, the physical appearance still plays a relevant role in many of them. This is not bad at all; However, and here comes the true magic of the human brain, What is significant to us when falling in love with someone are the psychological connections established with that specific person.

To connect with someone is to feel the impact of an unexpected emotion. It is a word said in time. A gesture and a look that attends and envelops. A shared experience where the same values ​​are demonstrated. Laugh at the same things and be accomplices in non-verbal communication. Thinking about the same movie at the same time and noticing how little by little we become the priority of someone very special.

Psychological connections are always established based on a certain personality pattern. If these psychological contacts and personality pattern are significant to us, our brain will instantly orchestrate the corresponding chemical formula based on serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin.

It’s like creating internal music based on each note played.like composing a captivating melody that only two can hear.

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Personal characteristics that influence attraction

In a study, carried out by Moya (1990), a sample of Spanish people was asked to evaluate different personality characteristics that influence the attractiveness of an individual. The results showed that the most valued characteristics were: understanding, loyalty, ability to capture the feelings of others, sincerity and joy. On the other hand, the least appreciated were: violence, narcissism, capricious behavior, dominance and aggressiveness.

These pleasant traits make the person perceived as more attractive. Hasn’t it happened to you that the more you know someone, the more attractive they seem to you? His physical imperfections seem to fade because you realize that he is a nice person.

In one study, some students were told that they look at photographs of different subjects after reading a favorable or unfavorable description of their personality. What was found was that those who were described as warm, helpful and considerate were rated as more attractive.

Thus, attraction is not determined solely by physical appearance, since it is influenced by certain personality traits that make a person have a greater or lesser impact on the other, as well as various factors that make someone more or less interesting: common tastes, similarities, differences that allow both to complement each other, the degree of familiarity, among others. It’s not all about appearance.

In love be true to your personality

Our personality is the glasses through which we see and understand life.. It is she who tells us what kind of friends are worth it, what hobbies can make us happy, what political option best suits our values ​​and even what color we like the most to paint our living room.

Now, if we are clear about all this… Why do we sometimes let them undermine our personality during an emotional relationship? Its integrity, keeping it “in one piece” guarantees authentic vital and emotional harmony. Because The moment we stop being who we are so that “others can be” we will live a lie.

Let’s reflect for a moment on some basic principles on this topic.

The personality that seduces is true to itself and respects

A mistake that many people make is to show themselves in a different way than they really are to seduce, to find a partner.. Sometimes, even one’s own values ​​are put aside to throw oneself into the void of a relationship in the grip of that initial drunkenness of falling in love. Now, the outcomes of these beginnings are usually, of course, fatal.

The personality that falls in love, that transcends and that leaves a mark is one whose main root is integrity.If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, the world doesn’t end. In fact, it begins: you have discarded someone who could only bring you unhappiness.Being faithful to oneself is not at odds with being faithful to the person we love.. Only in this way will we love with respect, only in this way will we understand that “your needs are as important as mine.”We will never try to change the way of being of the person we love. You don’t want him to be nicer, to put aside his customs, his rituals. If you do, you will turn him into a person he is not, someone who will stop loving himself and of course, even you.

As they say, Beauty always attracts attention, but personality is what makes the heart fall in love.. Let us therefore ensure that this personality is always authentic, seamless and self-confident. Only in this way will we build more lasting and, of course, happy relationships.

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Images courtesy of Daria Petrilli