Parents who abandon their children, why do they do it?

There are fathers who abandon their children and mothers who at a given moment abandon their responsibility and choose to leave. The narratives that trace cases of child abandonment are multiple, as varied and particular as the people involved in these situations. Thus, and although we are clear that nothing can be as devastating for a child as these experiences, there are situations that can be understandable.

Poverty and lack of resources is, in many cases, the most common factor. There are very young parents, for example, who choose to give their children up for adoption. or leave them in the hands of family members. In these situations, we could not speak of “abandonment” as such, but it is true that, sometimes, society itself judges them that way.

We are, basically, facing a reality that is as harsh as it is multifaceted in terms of triggers, situations and particular realities. There are experiences that create real trauma in the little ones. We cannot leave aside that the wound of these experiences is deep and often permanent. Growing up without a father, reaching adolescence without the figure of a mother marks and leaves shortcomings. Let’s delve a little deeper into this topic.

Parental abandonment leaves consequences at any age, it does not matter that we are already teenagers when this experience happens

Reasons that explain why there are parents who abandon their children

In our daily lives we often encounter dramatic stories that should never happen.. Despite being an increasingly advanced society, children continue to be abandoned. Research work such as those carried out by educator MH Burns reminds us that this, although it is a fact that, unfortunately, happens frequently, is an understudied social phenomenon.

Newborn babies continue to appear in unexpected places and many of those who manage to survive hide behind sad stories of mothers on the edge, where social services have not been able to reach.

We know that there are many types of situations and that some are fully understandable and others not so much. Be that as it may, there is one factor that is usually present: abandoning a child is not a momentary decision, it is not something that is chosen from one moment to the next. In general, there is usually a long process of meditation and reflection in which, for whatever reasons, the most dramatic is chosen. Let’s analyze the most common triggers.

1. Economic problems in parents who abandon their children

Poverty, low resources and social exclusion are usually the most common triggers for one parent (or both) to choose to abandon the children. In this case, it is essential that society itself knows how to detect and act in time to avoid reaching these extreme situations.

2. Drug abuse, alcoholism

Drug abuse and social exclusion often go hand in hand. Nevertheless, There may also be the case of a couple in which one of the parents has fallen into alcoholism. As it is often said, children of alcoholic parents experience two types of abandonment.

The first occurs in the home itself, when neglect, neglect or even violence can act as a prologue to what can happen later, which is nothing other than the definitive abandonment of the family unit.

3. Unwanted pregnancies

If we ask ourselves why there are parents who abandon their children, it is important to talk about unwanted pregnancies. In this context, very different situations can arise. Rape is a factor, as are underage pregnancies.. These are extreme situations in which many young women feel alone without knowing how to act.

On the other hand, other types of situations may occur. There are couples who end up having a child without having planned it.. While one of the parents takes on this new stage with enthusiasm, the couple does not experience it in the same way. Sooner or later, he may choose to leave home permanently.

4. Fleeing from ties, immature parents

There are immature parents, lacking the instinct of care, who, at a given moment, may choose to abandon a child. Not everyone is prepared for that responsibility and even if they voluntarily seek to have a child, reality shows them that everything it entails surpasses them in a desperate way.

On average, abandonment is always most common during the first year of life, but the immature parent can make the decision at any time. Regardless of whether your children are three, five or ten years old. There is a moment when the decision is already considered and one chooses to flee from any ties.

Abandoning a child can be an act that many parents later regret.

5. Problems with the couple: abandonment as a form of restart

When it comes to understanding why there are parents who abandon their children, it is necessary to delve deeper into relationship problems. Disagreements, separations, complicated divorces, the difficulty in reaching agreements on child support or custody lead many parents to the most radical option of all: definitive abandonment.

These realities are especially hard for children.. Not only are they witnesses of this entire process of distancing, fights and bad atmosphere between their parents. Furthermore, in certain cases, they may feel guilty for this definitive escape on the part of one of their parents. On the other hand, something common usually occurs. The parent who abandons usually restarts his life with new partners forming other families. In these cases, a new abandonment may or may not occur. However, it is always as dramatic as it is striking that, as a result of disagreements with ex-partners, someone chooses to stop being part of a child’s life.

Effects of abandonment on children

Anyone who has experienced parental abandonment in childhood or adolescence has a high probability of developing a mental problem. For example, research works such as those carried out at the Favaloro University, in Argentina, highlight something striking.

The child who is abandoned at birth and spends at least six months in an institution will have problems in his emotional, cognitive, social and neurophysiological development.. The data is significant. Now, not only babies show consequences from this experience. There are many preteens and adolescents who, at any given time, must face the abandonment of one or both parents.

In these cases, there is a high probability that, at any given time, they will develop the following psychological conditions:

Emotional disorders such as anxiety or depression. Borderline personality disorder (BPD). Attention and impulsivity problems. Challenging behavior. Attachment problems. Adaptation problems and lack of social skills. Limitations in your emotional regulation.

To conclude, as we can well see, the reasons why someone abandons a child are as complex as they are reprehensible in many cases. It is clear that There are situations that can be understood. Others, however, are clearly punishable. Be that as it may, it is necessary that, to the extent possible, we provide means to ensure that these situations do not occur.

The absence of a father or a mother is an incurable abyss in the life of a child. Also, an indelible wound in the adult who has had to grow up with that emptiness. Let’s keep it in mind.

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